So, I have a group of people I've maintained some sort of contact with since sixth grade (so it's been, like, nine years). We're not as close as we used to be, but we still keep up through Livejournal. Thing is, when we were chatting regularly, as far as they were concerned I was the straight one. I can think of one other girl in our little chat group who was straight, and the rest weren't. And now I'm itching to say something, and hell, if anyone is gonna be supportive, it'll be them. But, and I feel ridiculous for feeling this way, I feel like I'm somehow not gay enough to mention it. Judging by my own brother's reaction (id est, complete surprise), I've done a bang up job at keeping this hidden, so I feel like it'll just seem way out of left field. I used to say, "Well, I like boys, I dunno about girls...", though years later the tables seem to have turned. We stopped chatting on AIM so regularly about when I hit college, which was when I really started to sit up and take notice of what was happening. And while I am more than happy to gush about David Tennant in my Doctor Who posts, I kept my crush on Billie Piper to myself (Rose <3). I still catch myself thinking in stereotypes! Every once in a while I'll go, "Oh, I'm not, like, gay gay, I don't do this or this or this. ... Wait, I like women, that's pretty much the only criteria." I know it's a ridiculous way to think, and I'm trying to get myself out of that mindset. But agh! For some reason I still can't get myself to feel like it counts. And I know I'm not one of those girls who'd just kiss another girl to make her boyfriend happy, or for the attention. If I were, ignoring the whole thing would've made it go away, and I wouldn't have been so miserable trying to deny it to myself for years and years. But I'm still scared that's what everyone is gonna think, because this is so unlike the persona I've built over the years. So basically, I feel like I missed the queer boat! Even though I apparently... didn't. How ridiculous am I being? :X
You're not being ridiculous, don't worry about it. Sometimes it is hard to see yourself as an individual and as part of a bigger group, in this case being gay and being part of the gay community. Those two things may seem disjoint (they still do for me.) However, if you want to talk about your feelings or relationships in the future, they may need to know that you are gay. What's the harm in them being surprised? It makes no difference whether they have known all along or haven't given it a thought until you tell them, they will support you. If you want that network of support I think it would be a good idea to tell them, and you can even talk about how you don't feel like you're "gay gay".
I think your over thinking it just relax maybe your not ready to come out to more people just yet. I mean you like women but you don't have to label yourself as gay just yet. I love doctor who and Billie Piper is awesome Rose was my favorite.
