Hello there empty closest members, I'm actually quite glad I found this site. I hope it will get what I want done. The reason I am posting this in the support and advice is that I do need some advice. Before I ask for help, I need to provide some of my background... I'm still in high school, almost at my senior year and everything in life has been pretty good so far. I've never had trouble knowing that I'm gay. Even figuring it out wasn't that hard. I've gone through a major phase of depression that almost led to suicide. NO this is not a cry for help for saving myself, I got over that 3 years ago. My sister, who came out her junior year of high school, is happily engaged and want's to move out. The one problem I have is that my parents had a big shock to their system when she came out. My mother cried... that's something none of her children have ever seen. Music is my life and I plan to make it a career, since it helped me through the tough time. Now is the time that I actually ask for some advice. I could sugar-coat some bs about what people think of me, but the plain truth is that I'm afraid. Afraid of how things could change, good or bad. I love my life how it is except for this fear of coming out. I know most friends I have won't care... most of them already have figured it out. It's just some irrational fear that I don't know how to deal with.
Welcome to EC (*hug*) As for the advice part, like you said your fear is an irrational one. Just look at it this way perhaps? "It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not." Would you *really* want to live your life knowing that maybe some of these people you call friends will only like you when your pretending to be straight? Im not going to lie, i lost friends when i came out, but now i have REAL friends. Like, people i know like all 100% of me. One friend like that is worth more than hundreds of fake ones. You will never know true friendship until someone sticks with you through the good AND the bad. Anyone can be there on a good day, but it takes a real friend to stick with you on the bad ones. Thats what you will discover if you choose to come out. It will be light a giant spotlight shining down on everyone in your life and you will finally be able to see whos really ugly on the inside and whos beautiful. The ugly people might choose to leave because your gay, but good riddens. Friends like that are no friends at all! When you do choose to come out, i would start writing down things when your feeling good about yourself and your sexuality. You said "i know alot of my friends would be cool with it" so write that down in a special book. Every time you have a good thought about your sexuality, write it down. Then anytime you get these irrational thoughts or fears, read the book You will be surprised what comfort can come from reading your OWN advice you wrote to yourself the day before
We're all afraid of change, the unknown..We're afraid of things and situations that cannot be completely in our control. Whether we'd like to admit it or not. One thing I would ask is how is your parents relationship with you sister? If they still love her, care for her, and are accepting of her sexuality, then it would sound like you have a good environment to come out. It's just the stage of mentally preparing yourself and feeling completely comfortable with coming out.
Welcome to EC. Fear is a powerful thing. While you say you're totally OK with being gay, you're not sure about coming out. Which says to me that you might not be 'totally' ok with being gay. Eventually we all reach a point where staying closeted is more painful than what we expect to experience (in terms of pain) by coming out. So we go for it. It could be that you're approaching that point, but you're not quite there. Hang out here for a while. Read some of the stories. Interact with others in the same situation and take strength from them. Good luck - and again, welcome!!!
You say you're okay with being gay,yet you have bi down for your orientation. Sorry,just an observation. I think you may be most afraid because your mom cried when your sister came out and you don't want to put her through that,again.But this is your life and you need to live it the way you were meant to. Have you thought about talking to your sister? She would be a great choice for an ally. Anyway,just a few thoughts I was having after reading your post. Welcome to the EC family. I hope you find the comfort you seek here. I'm happy you found us. The people here are great with advice and are willing to help anybody with anything.
Hey, thanks for all of the advice, now I'm gonna go and find a jurnal for this endeavor. To answer the question about my sister, they still love her and care for her. It's just that my sister talked about my parents having a dream for each one of us and how coming out just shattered what my mom wanted. Now I think the dream is reformed for her, but there still seems to be a little sense of bias. I guess I missclicked on the orientation. Sorry for that confusion. I'll definately hang out here for a while, seems to be very homey. Thanks Greggers, Mcrteenagers, Jim1454, and Mickeey for the quick response and advice. If anyone else would like to add anything, like something that helped themselves through a time like this, feel free.
Well, I dont have a gay sister, or even a sister for that matter, but I can sympathise on the fear front. I'm shit scared right now of what will happen when I come out. That in itself though is a step forward for me. I am now fairly certain I will come out and within a very loose time frame of about a year. What I have found useful is talking to a counsellor (Two actually) about it. Talking about it with a 'real' person is something I have never done, its already been challenging and will, I hope, continue to be. That is in no way meant to disrespect this site and its members as I find just being here and reading other peoples experiences theraputic. I wish you well. Good luck.
