Last night, my little sister came out to my mom as gay. She took it shockingly well... Now my sisters are trying to convince me to come out. Mom's been in a good mood lately, and she's becoming very accepting over the last couple months. At least of gay people. They think I should take the opportunity. They also told me they're concerned about my self harm, depression, and distancing myself from my family. They think coming out will improve my mental state, I guess... Also, they both informed me that mom has come to them multiple times in the past, asking if I was lesbian, so they believe I might as well tell her. It's not that I don't want to come out, but I'm afraid. My sisters say I shouldn't be, because she accepted my little sister, but I'm so afraid of being rejected. It's been on ongoing fear of mine since I was a little kid. My biological mother kept telling me my stepmom didn't love me and wanted to get rid of me when I was little, and I've been afraid of her rejection ever since. I feel like she's more accepting of my little sister because she's her real daughter. Should I just suck it up and get it over with? And if so, what's the easiest way to come out?
Firstly we all understand the fear of being rejected and it's a perfectly normal way to feel when telling someone you love something as monumental as you're gay. It may be that because I'm not in your position I feel easier to say what to do but honestly I would go for it. You have confirmation that your mum won't reject you because of your sister. However that's just my thoughts it's your decision. Good luck if you do tell your mum. Liam
Thanks for your reply. Today was interesting to say the least. I'm not really sure what happened. My little sister was still sleeping, so mom was talking to me and my older sister about her. Mom was in tears over the struggles she feared my sister would face, thought that her being gay was a punishment from God to her, got mad at me because she thought I was judging her, then stopped. She covered her face with her hands and said, "You're gay too, aren't you? That's why you're sitting there not saying anything. You might as well just tell me now. Ugh! How can you both be gay?!" I panicked, so whatever I said, it's kinda fuzzy. Basically, I told her I just wasn't saying anything because I was trying to listen to what she had to say. Then I quickly redirected the conversation. Now I'm confused. I don't know what that means. Does she know I'm not straight now? It's so complicated. I know you said I should tell her, but now things are just.... more complicated. Plus now my dad knows my little sister isn't straight. It's not going well with him....
I'm sorry that happened I'd say she probably thinks you're not straight now. I think it's important to remember that the first reply is rarely the last one. It sounds like she is afraid for your and your sister's futures because of societal homophobia and so on, mixed in with some bad religious teaching. Can I ask if you/your parents are religious?
Yeah, my family is Christian. My dad believes being gay is a choice. Mom recently told me that she believes that my sister is only lesbian because of our parents unstable relationship. She also thinks her own sexual sins are being punished through her daughter now being lesbian. I'm an atheist. Mostly. (Hard to explain.) But yeah, that's really not helping. Yesterday my sis and mom got in an argument because mom thinks she can help her be straight. She thinks it's her job to "fix" her now. My older sis informed me mom thinks I'm either lesbian or asexual, and she's hoping I wake up one day and find that I'm not anymore...
As a Christian, I'm sorry sending much love and many hugs (&&&) At the moment, I think it's a lot for her to process. Often in churches I feel LGBT+ people are treated as an 'other', as if we aren't present in churches for whatever reason. So when you realise that two of your kids are LGBT+, I think that causes pretty significant dissonance within yourself, if that makes sense. Your parents will be processing a lot at the moment, especially your mum, since as I'm sure you're aware, women usually do the emotional labour in heterosexual relationships! Do let me know if I can help with queer theology, etc. (*hug*)
Ok, you need to come out when you feel ready. It sounds like your ready so I would maybe go the rainbow cupcake route or maybe a rainbow cake, that way you can have cake after. Hope it all goes well for you! ---------- Post added 2nd Apr 2017 at 09:34 PM ---------- I just saw this and would like to say this is why I dislike Christians. I am an Asatru, Norse Pagan, and I basically think that "God" or in my case gods don't care. If Jesus Christ can be touched by a prostitute et al. If Loki can sleep with a horse and have a giant for a wife, I think you can have a girlfriend. It really is all about perspective and it seems your family really cares about you and your siblings, just be wary and trust in what you believe, that is the main thing. Come out when you feel ready and able but, no one can refuse cake!
do know that even at the worst, you'll still have your sisters supporting you. the fear of rejection is natural, and everyone experiences it. just make sure that you're stable on your own, and at the worst, everything will be ok. it may be easier having your sister with you when you do it because your mom was comfortable with her.
Like fireflie said, you have your sisters as a support system. I would say to come out when you feel ready - I would wait a little while though, maybe give your mom some time to simmer down.
