I'm working on a coming out letter and I'm wondering if I'm putting too much into it and I should strip it down to the basic points. It's not super long, maybe 3 pages. I was trying to include context and what it was like for me so they'd better understand why it's taken so long. Perhaps part of it is to get it all out of my head since it's been rattling around up there for so long and I haven't expressed it so a lot has accumulated. I started thinking it's good that I've written all this, but maybe it was more for my own therapy and I could shorten it for others. I think one thing I fear is having some of the details on paper forever, so to speak, or that some of the thoughts I've had will seem kinda crazy to them. Are there some things that straight people won't really understand about what's it's like realizing and coming out as gay so trying to explain in words won't help anyway? If I go with the summary version I would say we could talk in depth if they wanted to and feel free to ask questions. That way they can ask whatever they want to know more about and I could explain more then. Thanks for any advice/suggestions you may have
You should do what feels right for you. If you think shortening the letter will help, I would suggest shortening in so others will understand. Try to include the information that you feel is the most important.
Have you looked at any of the coming out letters in the resources area? They might offer some inspiration.
Thanks for the suggestions, guys. I'll take a look at those resources. I've read letters others have posted here and elsewhere over the years. I dunno, I'm probably using this as another delay tactic, but I do want to get it over with since I keep spending time on it and not moving onto other stuff I should be doing. Any other advice/suggestions/encouragement?
Delay it as much as you want. It's your life, and something important like this shouldn't be rushed. I guess it also depends on who you are sending it to, do you think they will react better to a long letter or to a short to the point one? Are there details in the long version people might use against you? Do what feels good, I guess.
Hey mnguy, There is no right or wrong way to write a Coming Out letter. The most important thing is, of course, actually Coming Out to your letter's audience. After that, it is all about what you feel that you need to get off of your chest after so many years in the closet. You can either do that directly in the letter (so that you don't have to explain things multiple times if you have a wider audience for whom your letter is intended) or you could just, as you noted, write a summarized note and then say that you're willing to answer any questions or talk about things with your audience. Whatever works best for you is the 'right' way.
mnguy, I would base the length on how open mined your parents are? Did they go to college or other formal school? Are they liberal? Mine are in their 80's, both products of 8th grade country school. I will never tell them. Dean
Thanks again for your advice to help me think through this! The details wouldn't be used against me. On paper, unintended people could see stuff that's meant for the recipients. Maybe it's my habit of hiding, wanting control and not trusting others, which are things I need to stop doing. I'll be seeing some of the people in a couple weeks so I wanted to send the letter so they have some time to adjust before I see them. I told my parents in person several weeks ago. I always thought I'd send them a letter since I have a hard time talking about emotional stuff, but we got into a convo that it made sense to just blurt it out. They were good about it so that was a relief. This letter is for other family and possibly friends that live far away so they get the info around the same time depending on mail delivery and if they see/read the mail right away. Yesterday while reading the suggested resources I kept seeing members I used to see on here over the years and went down a rabbit hole seeing how many of them have long since left EC, hopefully onto fulfilling lives. It got me thinking how many years I've wasted over this. I like to blame the discrimination in society for my fears, but I know it was my choice, my fault. Most of those years life was ok as far as having some sense of purpose, but now I feel so lost and am hoping by coming out to more people, being authentic, I'll see if I get back on track or not. If I don't then I'll have to find what else I'm letting hold me back. I'm going to therapy for help so I hope it will. Gah, this is not how I thought life would be back in college when my future seemed bright.
