Coming out as trans to religious transphobic parents?

Hi all, I'm a bit new to this website but the reason I joined is because I need advice about things like this. So a couple years ago I realized I'm transgender, and I began changing how I look and dress and such. I'm pre-everything basically, but I pass 99% of the time as male (although people always think I'm 12 lol).

My mother has taken notice and although I haven't come out to her and deny it every time she brings it up, she always yells how I should be "proud of the way God made me" and that I'm "going down a dark path", all this stuff. She says she lays awake at night in fear of "what I'm becoming" (that is, transgender). She constantly tries to force me into dressing and acting like a woman by yelling at me, saying I'm freaking people out- my parents have very old fashioned views on transgender people. They view them as frankenstein people almost, crazy people who mutilate themselves and are just disturbed perverts. The absolute most negative harmful view of transgender people you can imagine, that's completely what they believe.

Point is, I'm moving out this year to go to college, and I plan to see a therapist and begin HRT, ASAP. The college I'll probably go to is 20 minutes away from where my parents live (I'm planning on transferring after this semester to somewhere further away but this college has better accommodations for trans people which is important to me right now) and I, at some point, will have to come out to them. The changes testosterone bring are quick and noticeable. I obsess over what they'll do, I become sick at my stomach, and the thought of losing my parents over this makes me cry all the time, because I don't want to lose my family. They will throw fits. Have a meltdown. Try to corner me and shout at me about it any chance they get. I know my mom will cry and cry and cry because when she sees me, she will simply see the man who killed and took the place of her daughter (a bit dramatic, but this is genuinely how they view the situation). This has been plaguing me for a long time now. The only member of my family I think'd be ok with it is my older sister, who moved out a long while ago. She is not religious, liberal on social issues, I know she's at least pro-gay, I assume she's pro-trans as well.

But I'm just wondering what the best way to handle this is? How should I come out to them? How do I deal with the meltdowns, and the confrontations, and seeing them for holidays? It scares me to my core...perhaps I shouldn't be so scared, but I am. Advice is much appreciated, especially from those with similar situations...beginning my independent life without the help of my parents scares me so much...and I do love them. The thought of losing them makes me distressed more than anything.

TL;DR: Currently closeted because of fundamentalist Christian parents. They are aggressively and loudly transphobic, moving out and (hopefully) starting HRT this year, wondering how to come out, and how to deal with inevitable meltdown and fits they will throw. Don't want to lose them forever. Have one (probably) supportive sister who moved out a while ago. Thanks.

 

Thank you so much for replying. Well, I have scholarships that cover nearly all of my college expenses (it's a pretty cheap college). I plan on getting a job as soon as I can to start saving up money. I already have a few hundred dollars saved up. I plan on selling a whole ton of the things I own to raise money. Emotionally, I think I'll be okay...the main biggest thing I'm scared of that will without a doubt happen, is the meltdown...god knows what they'll say to me, how loud their voices will get...I've experienced meltdowns before and it takes time to recover from them but I'll live. We've just never been through anything that'll shake em up this bad. When I think of how much it'll hurt them, it makes me ache. They'll probably try to call me or get me to come see them in person but I'd like to just avoid that until they've cooled down a bit.

Yes, I am 99% sure if anything happened, my older sister would let me stay with her. She's told me that no matter how I wanna look, or express myself, that she'll support me (I haven't come out but it's a bit obvious I suppose? Heh). We've even discussed living together in different places in the country together, we've always been close. If I was homeless on the streets I honestly couldn't see her leaving me like that in a million years. In fact, she, herself, has been in nearly my exact position. When she was in college she became an atheist, and my parents threw giant fits, made the absolute biggest deal out of it. After college she never came home and stayed with other relatives 'till she could get her own place. Now she's doing ok.

But they never cut her off financially during college. And I don't think they'll cut me off. It's a possibility, and I've thought about that and what I'd do in that situation (probably go stay with my sister or this one close friend of mine who'd let me stay with him and get a job), but they know that I'd end up in a very bad situation, and they certainly don't want that for me. They still want me to have an education and stuff.

As for the coming out process, I more than likely will end up just mailing a letter or something. I didn't really think about trying to appeal to their faith. They're really staunch in what they think, but it could definitely help. Perhaps in the future once the dust has settled a bit, maybe invite them to come with me to an LGBT-friendly church, maybe have them talk with the preacher about their views (I'm not religious, but anything to make them feel better about this). Adding resources and info is a great idea as well.

Thanks again for helping me out (Also, sorry for writing so much to read through. I'm a bit of a chatterbox, I guess).