What are the perceptions of bisexual women?

It depends on the person you talk to. Yeah, some people are going to hate bisexuals, but most don't.

Anyone can receive hatred in the community. I've met gay guys who hate lesbians/bi women due to sexism, bisexuals that hate gays/lesbians, and gay/bi people who hate trans people. Bisexuals used to get most of the hate when we first started out, but I can tell you that I've faced plenty of homophobia in the LGBT community as a lesbian too.

I just ignore people who say ignorant BS. There will always be assholes, but there will also always be good people.

 

Generally speaking, where I am from, all women are perceived as Bi unless proven otherwise.

Being straight or gay is easy on the mind. Anything else is very very messy. But Bi female is usually pretty standard fare these days.

I wouldn't worry about it all that much.

 

Some people will date bisexuals and others won't. If someone doesn't want to, they just won't be compatible with you; It's best to look elsewhere rather than waste time trying to change people's minds.

 

I think there are at least a number of threads on this topic here on EC ... I personally wouldnt date a Bi person, but thats just my preference. It certainly doesnt extend out to hatred ... my word lol. Far from it. I'm not sure why you're fearful.. there are plenty of people out there that have zero issues with Bi people

 

From my personal observations, it seems that bisexual women are accepted in the media. But if a man is bisexual, he gets a lot of hate and problems for it. Women don't appear to face the same stigma as men. There is a double standard which I hate.

 

I understand. In my experience, I've been attracted to far more lesbians than bi women, but it didn't have to do with their sexual orientation. It had to do with the fact that heteronormative practices and beliefs are a massive turn-off and dealbreaker. I've found this more prevalent in bisexual women than lesbians (due to the fact they are actually involved in hetero culture), so I was less attracted to those people.

With that being said, I would be fine with a bi person who is very much "gay-acting" (I don't know how else to word it...I don't mean stereotypes, but basic understanding of how same-sex dating should work). I would be turned-off by a lesbian who is recently out, recently dated men, and still has the heteronormative mindset.

I feel like the problems between bi women and lesbians would disappear if heteronormative mindsets are lost, and if heteromantic bisexuals would stop harassing lesbians and trying to score with us.

 

Look, I love ALL women, Trans, bisexuals, whatever the kids call a chick these days. GIRLS, I love em'!:smilewave:smilewave:eusa_danc:eusa_danc(!)(!)

 

Hey HerRainbow - thanks for asking this question. I have been really worried about this. This could be a problem down the road when I am ready to date. Also I am very feminine, have 2 kids, and am primarily attracted to feminine athletic women. I'm afraid I won't find someone or won't fit in.

 

Can someone explain to me what you mean about the heteronormative mindset? Do you mean assumptions as to who takes what role in the home, bedroom, or is it much broader/different? Do you mean they still think the mum/dad, 2.4 children etc is the ideal? Sorry, I just don't know enough about this.

 

Gender roles are one thing, but there's even more to it than that. For me the biggest three red flags are:

1. Thinking someone is a virgin if they haven't been penetrated by a penis. This is taught in heterosexual culture, but It's incompatible with lesbian culture- and instantly a dealbreaker for me.

2. If they still have the mindset that same-sex encounters are purely sexual and side flings, but romance is for opposite-sex couples. This is internalized homophobia, and not at all attractive (however, this isn't a bisexual issue as newly out lesbians do the same thing). You have to be out and used to the idea that same-sex relationships have a higher stigma. I've known people who would leave their same-sex relationships for the opposite sex because they wanted passing privilege and didn't want to deal with how "hard" it was. On the other hand, there is such a thing as genuine heteromantic bisexual women, which is different. However, you need to be completely honest about your attractions in these cases, as a lot of people have gotten hurt this way.

3. My biggest issue though is when a girl is completely passive, never initiates, and makes me do all the work. This is heteronormative because hetero culture teaches women to be passive and make men do all the work. But I'm NOT a man. Same-sex culture is different; we have to be seen as equals and both put effort in, and sometimes this is lacking in people who have too much experience dating men. Definitely a turn-off but can affect newly out lesbians as well.

In the end, It's not really a "bisexual issue", It's "a having more experience with dating men" issue. It's just easier to find lesbians who haven't dated as many men and therefore don't pick up their values, but bi women who are the same are fine. It's not a dealbreaker to have dated men before in the past either, I just prefer if you spend time understanding LGBT culture before we try to date.

 

Thanks *Creative* that was such a clear explanation. I wonder, reading your responses, if the situation in the UK is quite as difficult. I think we have less of the man-in-charge dating culture here, cf. the US. I think, looking at the relationships I know (mainly in hetero relationships) that both sides put the effort in for dating, home, sex. The whole lie back and think of England idea doesn't exist outside of quite prudish religious groups, as far as I know.

I think many hetero people here would have the heteronormative assumption on penetration, although I think if you asked they'd say virginity would have a different definition in a lesbian relationship. Would the latter still be problematic? If so, what is your definition of virginity?

I've heard of no. 2. I wonder if it's a result of the fact that people have more experience of sexual attraction than of romantic love, so there is an assumption their attraction to their own sex is purely physical, until they meet someone of their own sex that they fall in love with. I think most people have been physically attracted to more people than they fell in love with so it would be an easy (false) assumption for them to make. Obviously if they never learn then it's a major issue.

I've known people who would leave their same-sex relationships for the opposite sex because they wanted passing privilege and didn't want to deal with how "hard" it was.

Ah yes, absolutely. I write and in my current manuscript I have a bi character who has gone through much of life like that, ignoring attraction to their own sex because they see it as the more difficult path - with added assumption of attraction to own sex being purely physical - until they meet someone they fall for. Does this sound realistic to you? It certainly fits with my experience.

 

Interesting your country is a bit different.

For the virginity thing, I don't mind if heterosexuals define it as penetration for their own lives as that's their personal business. As long as they allow my own definition (which I tend to use as all genital contact for my relationships), that's fine. I'm more annoyed when potential partners bring this mindset into my relationships. For example, my ex-girlfriend thought that you could only have "real sex" with a man, and that we'd still be virgins if we slept together. What made this hurt was that she was also attracted to men, so it caused a lot of insecurities of me feeling "less than" men. It caused a break-up and made me a bit cautious (however, not all bi women think this way as I had a crush on one who thought that her opinion was idiotic lol). She eventually did lose her virginity to a man, and I'd consider myself still a virgin currently due to no opportunities (I never slept with her, and I'm glad I didn't as I feel it would have caused insecurity problems).

You know, ironically...I was the opposite of the gay stereotype of the second one. I actually knew I was romantically attracted to girls from the start and I wanted to fall in love/get committed even when I was new to coming out. BUT, I thought sex with women was "disgusting" and "weird", and had such extreme hang-ups about it. I sort of still do, but not as bad. It's just strange you never see the other perspective.

But yes, It's realistic, so the story works. I'm just a bit cautious about dating these people since you don't know if they're capable of loving you or if it'll just end in heartbreak.

 

Your ex is indeed an idiot. I don't even know any straight women who think as she does. Hope you have better luck soon.

I think in the UK many (straight) people have quite a loose definition of loss of virginity as possibly including oral contact anyway. And compared to what I see in American films (so God knows how realistic!), there was much less emphasis in youth culture (in my time) on 'are you a virgin?' - you're more likely to be asked 'have you had sex yet?' (the latter can include oral). Wonder if it could be down to the emphasis on virginity in Christianity, and the fact that we're a lot less religious as a nation over here - I think stats show that people tick 'Church of England' in the census just because they're English and it's a sort of lazy default. Means you go to weddings in churches, doesn't mean you even believe, so the whole virginity thing went out with the Victorians.

Glad it's realistic. The gay guy my bi character ends up with does think like you - has experienced that kind of heart break before and is very wary, whilst the main character's gay best friend is actively bi-phobic.

I guess the societal solution is more acceptance, more exposure in film, lit etc... to the point where external and even internalised homophobia is reduced.

---------- Post added 6th Apr 2017 at 11:04 PM ----------

Should say 'many' people tick CofE in the census - obviously we do have people who truly believe.