So when I was 16 I told mum and dad I was gay, they were really supportive but I decided to tel them I wAs wrong because I wasn't brave enough, I wanted kids and a "normal " family. I've always been attracted to women and have recently split from a 10 year relationship, I have two kids and have fallen for someone, I don't know if I really like her or it's because she is gay, if that makes any sense, I don't want my kids to ever be ashamed of me and it kills me to know it isn't what I want but should I live a lie forever??
I'm still questioning myself though think I may know. But the one thing I've learnt during this process is it is better to be yourself in order to be happy. If your children are quite young then they'll adapt quickly. Children often do. It might be worth helping them understand about LGBT families though - you never know they may gave children in their class at school who are from LGBT families. In terms of whether you like this person, or only because she is gay I can't help much with that but I would say if you think you have feelings for her then you probably do. Could you talk to your parents about how you go about speaking to the children? It would be good for your kids to see that your parents are accepting too, as then they'll understand that it's OK. Living a lie can eat you up and make you unhappy. It's better to be yourself
Thank you for your reply, she gives me butterflies like I've not felt when I see her and we get on really well but sometimes I think the feeling is mutual but then wonder if I'm reading too much into it. I know mum and dad would accept me but I feel too shamed and embarrassed to even think of telling them. Have thought about just trying to live a double life! I just wish I could turn my feelings off if I'm quite honest!
Maybe you could ask her about her feelings? If she feels the same as you you can just take it slow. Leading a double life could be tricky, plus emotionally draining. I've spent most of my life being who others want me to be or trying to be someone I'm not. It's hard! Maybe the first step is being real with yourself, and accepting yourself for who you are. This could take a long time, or a short time. There's no right amount of time. I've been reading up on the coming out process, and it mentions the first step is acceptance from yourself
