I didn't come out as planned. Actually, I'm still trapped in the closet with a fucking midget named Bridget. Ugh. I swear, it's like I'm in a fucking room with no doors or windows and the walls are closing in on me more and more every day. I want to break something. I am now scared of doing it because my mom's girlfriend is a lesbian with something against gay males. Shit. This is bad. Very bad. I wish that I was just normal. It's all fucking wrong, everything! It's like a sick joke or something. I just want to get this big weight off my shoulders but I just can't. It's like someone cut out my tongue or something. I always just freeze up whenever I want to say it. I need to stop lying. I've been lying to everyone for thirteen fucking years. I can't take it anymore! :tears:
So your mother is a lesbian or has a close lesbian friend, and your scared of telling her your gay because this person hates men? ... Yea, sorry, no excuse there If your mothers girlfriend has enough say in your mothers life as to cause her to not accept or love her own son, then that bitch much be using jedi mind tricks. Dont WORRY about your mothers friend. Just come out to her dude! Your at the point were the closet is getting harmful from what it sounds like. Your mother is not going to hate you if shes friends with / is a lesbian, FAR from it. I dont really know what advice to give you other than just do it If you freeze up, just do it in a letter or e-mail there is NO shame in coming out that way.
You think? I don't know. I'm having a very hard time with this. I know that it would come as a huge shock. I can never find a time to do it. My mom is always really pissed off or busy. I don't even know if she gives a shit about me anymore. God, I sound so emo right now. I haven't thrown a fit like this since I was like, nine years old. Damn, this whole situation is crazy.
Just make some tea, go for a walk, take a nap, whatever you need to do to calm down. Once your breathing, calm, and ready start writing out rough drafts of a coming out letter or e-mail. You can practice getting it all down on paper/computer and worded perfectly. No need to send this one, just practice. Do this RIGHT away. When your ready (could be later tonight, could be next month) take your rough draft and edit it some more, then when your happy with it leave her the letter or e-mail it to her.
Hmm. That might be a good idea. I wish that I were in a different body, a different life. This would be so much easier if I were. I feel like the unluckiest boy in the world right now. I think a letter might be good. I can start writing it tomorrow. I just need some time for myself. I should tell my mom that I'm sick tomorrow. I sure feel like it. I could maybe spend all day working on the letter. I could come up with ideas. It could just be... like a mental health day. Yeah, that could be good. Tomorrow is another day.
The fact that your mother's friend doesn't like gay male shouldn't prevent you to come out if it's what you want. I hardly see your mother starting to hate you on the advices of her friend. And nothing obliges you to come out to your mom's friend if you don't want to. But you'll never know. Maybe this person has a painful personal history with gay men, but that does not necessarily means that she's gona hate you for being gay. In any case, you're coming out for your own sake, not for the sake of others. If you feel you have to do it, nothing should prevent you to do so. Take care and let us know, Eleanor
Mental Health Days are EXTREMELY helpful Its ok honey (*hug*) Take the day off if you need to and just focus on staying calm, relaxed, and practicing your letter. You will feel much better after a day of relaxation im sure!
I dunno. I might actually change her mind about LGBT males. Maybe I'm being too optimistic, though. I shouldn't be. I really shouldn't. I'm really having serious doubts about wanting to do this. Right now I'm just getting advice and drowning out the sound of my mom's screaming with some nice Swedish syntpop. So relaxing. I almost feel... like a normal teenager. But I know I'm really not. Far from it. So far from it.
Thats not being too optimistic! That sounds about right. Just remember shes your mother, its in her genes that she always love you (*hug*)
I don't really think she loves me. I've always been such a burden to her. Whenever I'm around, she's always so pissed off at me. Sometimes I don't even think that she's my real mom. I feel like she's just some random chick hired to pretend to be my mom and I'm on some hidden camera show, like on MTV.
I think you have some mommy issues. She loves you. Even if she DOES think your a burden, shes obviously fine with taking ON that burden because she loves you do much. If she thought you were just dead weight, you would be inb a basket at a door by now but your not. Your in a loving home. She may not always show it, but im sure she loves you.
You think? I don't know. I really don't think she has any respect for me. Whenever I see her, she's always drunk or pissed or busy or with someone. Or all four. I really think that she wants me to move out as soon as possible. Or maybe I'm just an emo freak who is just too damned pessimistic. I don't really know what.
Your digging to deep here. Once you start looking for the negatives, your going to find ONLY negatives and alot of them. If you try to look for positives, and you really try, you will find them. Even if there is not alot of them, one positive can be more powerful than ALL the negatives. Im 100% sure your mother loves you if your still living with her. Why would she bother if she didnt?
Relationship with a mother are never ever easy when you're a teenager. Hopefully it gets better with time.
