Hi guys! Sorry i haven't posted for a bit... I've been lurking. Anyways, i have a new dilemna for you all to tear apart and over analyse with me! :eusa_clap There appears to be a guy who likes me. Shocking, i know. The guy is kind of my friend, and kind of not. He doesn't hang out with me or my close friends but hes still my friend, does that make sense? I hope it does. Anyway, i went to a friends birthday party last week, and he was acting very... gay? Not trying to say thats a bad thing, but it does freak me out a bit. So, completely out of the blue, he comes up to me and asks me "who's you're boyfriend?" Like a good little closet dwelling gay kid i tell him to fuck off. Yup. :bang: Anyways, this isn't the first time he's said something about me being gay. I start to get the feeling he's figured me out . Not that that's a bad thing... I just feel awkward about it, especially since i don't really have any attraction to him. Going back to the party... We had a big bonfire thing, and he came and sat on me. SAT ON ME. I didn't really react, just moved to make him more comfortable. After that he got up and went to get something, i moved and he took my seat. I, being the complete wuss i ususally am, wasn't game to sit on him back, so i just sat in front of him. I leant on him a bit, and he started touching me. Hold it... BACK THE FUCK OFF. I stopped him, but didn't move. I just gave him a look that said "stop it", before going back to listening to the talking. After a little while we all got up to do other stuff, and he didn't really go near me too much for the rest of the night. Okies. Questions. firstly, WTF? What do you guys think? Secondly, am i giving mixed signals? I'm pretty sure i am, but hey, i want you guys opinion. finally, what should i do? I have a massive crush on someone else. The guys pretty nice and all, but i don't particularly like him. Anything you say is fine with me! Just reply. Thanks, Kaleb.
Well, this guy definitely has a personal space issue. Even if he has figured out that you are gay, he shouldn’t be jumping (or sitting on you for that matter) like you’re the very last gay guy on the planet! ^^; You need to be tough and tell him A) To leave you the hell alone or B) That you appreciate his interest but that you like someone else or C) ask him what's his deal. That’s a rough spot, especially if you’re not ready to come out… Sorry, I’m not much help… Good luck.
You Def. need to pull him aside and ask what the hell is going on. Also, I don't see how you're sending out mixed signals from what you've said there. Letting him sit on your lap *may* have been seen as encouragement, as you didn't kick him off. Confront him, be Blunt. It's the best way to get your message across.
Not trying to sound odd, but I am, in nearly everything, a very non-confrontational person. I don't think i'd be comfortable with confronting him about it. I've had similar things happen before, with a variety of other guys, but i'm just not game to bring it up. Any other ways people can suggest for trying to get him to leave me alone?
If I have understood properly, this guy who is not a close friend may have figure out that you are gay and so thinks that gave him the right to touch you or sit on your lap without asking . What the hell is that ? As if any guys who figure out I'm straight started to pinch my butt ! (Well, I know some guys do that but I'm not impressed by this kind of rude behaviour) You may have send mixed signals about you beign gay or not, but I don't think, from what you said, that you have send any signal saying "come and start touching me without asking permission". I can understand that you don't want to confront the guy and maybe there is no need for that, but if it's happening again and that you don't want it to happen, you will have to make it very clear. And if you are not especially interested in this guy, nothing, absolutly nothing, oblige you to be involved in any kind of relationship with him. It's not because you might both be gay that it give you an obligation to hook up or do anything else with him. Take care, Eleanor
If he keeps it up, you should probably either avoid him, or just tell him plain and clear "Look, knock it off, I'm not interested", and if he persists, tell him to fuck off if he can't stop touching you when he's around you.
i know this may be anti group but i think he sounds a littl;e cute the sitting on lap thing allthough if someone had leaned on me at a bomfire i would of put me arm around them lol i agree u need to take him aside and chat to him about this he may just be kidding having a bit of fun or may like you get to know him he may be different really... at a party people can act different to normal. i hope things work out you may realise hes nice and have a friend
He needs to know that he has not got any right just to invade your personal space and that he is making you feel uncomfortable to be anywhere near him, although trying to avoid him would be a good thing, I think that would probably also put you out socially, so you need to speak to him and make sure he understands that you are not interested and he needs to leave you alone. You mentioned similar things have happened with other people - so for yourself you need to make this stop and stand up to him. It may seem hard to do, but you will be happier after doing it.
Haha. Yup, i probably would have too. Though I'd probably be to scared to do it. He actually is a really nice guy - i just don't like him. Also, in case you guys didn't get it - talking to him about it is one of the things i assure you that I WON'T be able to do. You know that whole Passive/Assertive/Aggressive thing? I am Passive. Very Passive. I can see the necessity of confronting him about it, but i'd be too scared to actually do it. Any other suggestions here that don't invlove avoiding him? Kaleb.
There are some people who are pretty obliviousness - either he just doesn't realise you're not into it, or he doesn't want to believe that you're not into it and is thinking that unless you specifically tell him to stop, you're OK with it. You need to tell him, in one way or another, that you don't like what he's doing and you want him to stop. That doesn't have to be a big angry confrontation or anything - it could be a simple "Dude. Personal space, OK?" next time he does something like that, or an email or note. But directness is the key. If you don't make it obvious, he's just not going to get it. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's your best chance of getting him to stop.
Well, this guy was direct - we might not like it but some people are like that. And I think, given your initial timidness, he did get a few mixed signals from you with the allowing him to sit in your lap and then you leaning back against him later. But then you gave a clear signal with the 'stop it' look, and that ended things. So all you need to do from now on is to not be touchy with him, and if he crosses that boundary, just give a little "get out of my space, dude" like ^ said.
Kay, like before I will say directly tell him the truth,and some of the others agree with me. Also I agree with what some of the others are saying, if he is making you uncomfortable tell him to back off a little bit.
Well I guess everything's been said by the time you get to me but still, I'll give it a try. Give it some time. See if this continues to happen, and if he still shows interest. And take a bit of time to gauge how you feel about him. He seems to be coming on strong, but like you said, he's a nice guy. If you decide that you don't like him, let him know. You say you're not confrontational, which I totally understand, so just try giving him signals. Make sure you're talking to other people when he's around, you know, the classics. Hope I could help a bit. Keep us posted! (&&&)
