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Low Confidence/Selfworth Stopping Me Coming Out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by CoconutOilLady, Apr 4, 2017.

  1. CoconutOilLady

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2016
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    Location:
    UK
    Anyone else have this? I have really low self-esteem and had anorexia when I was 14. I was very shy and still have an inferiority complex over my older sister. I keep telling myself that I just need to become more confident and thinner and prettier and smarter etc. before telling anyone - as though otherwise they would view me differently by seeing me even more lonely and unlikable, and even secretly use my sexuality against me.
     
  2. WeDreamOfPeace

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2017
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    371
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    Location:
    Essex, UK
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Totally understand. Have mild anorexia, severe depression and mild anxiety myself. Please know, by the way, you don't have to come out when you don't want to. Seriously, just wait until you're ready :slight_smile:

    Good luck. Peace.
     
  3. mnguy

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Mountain hermitage
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I'm not very confident and don't have much self esteem and think they hinder my coming out. Some other people are so confident and brave and can just come out and get on with life and that's awesome. Maybe if you can get more confidence and value yourself just as you are you'll find the determination to change things you reasonably can, but you also have to accept things you can't change and be at peace with those. Seeing a therapist would probably be helpful if that's possible. I have been and hoping it will help.

    Sometimes I think why bother to change this or that to be more attractive to guys since they will still probably ignore me so it'll be a waste of time. Lots of low self esteem going on in those thoughts. The thing is, if I want to change something it has to be just bc I want to, not to get approval from others. That way I'm not needing approval from outside. If others give positive feedback, that's cool, but not my goal. Attaining goals we set for ourselves help build our confidence. The more confidence we have the better we feel about coming out and other life challenges. Good luck to you and keep posting here. :slight_smile:

    Here's a link to some exercises for various mental health issues a therapist directed me to and I think can be helpful. Reading through some gave me new ideas and I find myself thinking about them in difficult times. Maybe you'll find something useful in there. Centre for Clinical Interventions (CCI) - Psychotherapy, Research, Training