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Outed by my brother

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by HerRainbow, Apr 4, 2017.

  1. HerRainbow

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    Hi everyone,

    Yesterday I was talking to my younger brother on FaceTime so it was on loudspeaker. We were having a pretty ordinary conversation so I didn't think to put earphones in or anything and by this point I'd got into the subject of friends. My friend invited me to her baby shower and the rest of our friends group are invited. Because I hadn't seen them in a while, I was telling my him how I was kind of nervous about what they would ask. He knows that theres a member of the group that likes to ask about people's love lives so then he just blurted out that you'll have to tell them your a lesbian.

    If I'm honest, I wasn't too happy about that on so many fronts. He announced it to all my family in the vicinity and my older brother didn't know. I was going to tell him in the next 2 weeks anyway but am so am I supposed to sit him down and tell him sooner? Everyone in the room knew but they didn't know each other knew if that makes sense. And since I came out to my mum and sister, they have seemed confused and haven't asked me about it so I didn't want to bring it up again yet...but my brother announced it to them in the crudest way! So how can I find out how they feel about it now?

    I came out to my younger brother 7 months ago now and despite me telling him that yes I am bisexual with a female preference, he's still saying I'm a lesbian. How would I be able to correct him?

    And the next big question is, just what do I tell my friends? I don't really want to lie to them but that would mean coming out which I'm not sure I'm ready for yet. It's too soon after reconnecting again and I'm not sure if I can trust them yet.

    Thanks
     
  2. I'm gay

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    Hi HerRainbow,

    Your situation reminds of the period of time when I was just beginning to come out. It really sucked being in a position where some people knew and some didn't. Not only did it make me feel anxiety over being half-in/half-out, but the constant juggling of censoring myself to some but not others and having to figure out who knows and who doesn't was just exhausting.

    My solution was to continue my coming out so that I could finally be completely free with everyone I know. So I did that, and now I'm out to everyone.

    I would suggest to you that this is only difficult because you are still partially closeted, and coming out fully will help that. Of course it will still be difficult for some, but I think it's more important that you are able to resolve the internal conflicts for yourself.

    As for your brother, you just need to keep reminding him that you are bisexual and not lesbian. Perhaps send him an article on bi-erasure might help him to see what he is doing by calling you lesbian.

    Take care. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  3. Creativemind

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    You know, the strangest thing about women is that everyone wants to believe we're not the sexuality we say we are. Every lesbian I know has their friends calling them "bisexual" and every bisexual I know has friends calling them "straight" or "lesbian". Wtf?

    But back to the topic. Wow, that was incredibly inappropriate for him to do that. Maybe he didn't realize everyone was going to hear it? Dunno....but you are going to have to talk to the rest of the family about this now that they now.
     
  4. HerRainbow

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    Thanks for the reply I'm gay. That really is where I'm at right now. And it's funny because when I accepted that I was bisexual, I was quite happy and it's just a normal part of my life so it wasn't an issue. Before I started coming out I was really anxious as well so I knew keeping it hidden wasn't something I wanted to do. But now I've found coming out to other people is hard because suddenly I have to worry about how they feel.

    I'm going to just continue telling people when I feel comfortable, I'm letting my older brother know in a few days and I'll see how that goes. And I guess the only thing I can hope is that everyone else will be okay with it in time!
     
  5. HerRainbow

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    Haha yes well so far most of my family think I'm straight and my brother thinks I'm a lesbian so that's confusing :lol: I wonder if anyone else has experienced that? As I said earlier, I personally have always happily accepted being bisexual once I knew for sure. But life seems to be getting really interesting since I started coming out because of all the varied responses. I now have to get to grips with how other people feel as well as getting on with life in general. But yes I will have to start telling my brother and dad now they're aware of it