Hey guys! Haven't written anything on here for ages. I'm glad to be back, though. So, recently I have realized that I'm definitely somewhere on the asexual spectrum, after years and years of 'maybe I'm just a late bloomer' and 'so when is this sexual attraction thing supposed to start.' Theoretically, I shouldn't have much trouble coming out to my mom, because she's very accepting and all... of things they understand, like gay and bisexual people. My family tends to be skeptical at best of more obscure orientations, and I've heard her and my brother laughing over 'Tumblr-invented sexualities.' (The example they used was demisexuality.) To make everything even more complicated, I identify as an asexual lesbian. My mom is also of the mindset that since teenage minds are still developing, we're really incapable of knowing anything about ourselves until we reach our twenties. Personally I think that's bullshit. Basically, my problem is that there is a decently high probability that, should I come out as ace to my mom, she will dismiss me utterly, and I really don't know if I could handle that at all. What should I do? Come out as just gay? Not at all? I'm seriously entertaining the idea of just chilling in the closet until college, but every time my parents talk about my 'future boyfriends' or my 'future wedding' I want to put my head through a wall.
I really do not know what is asexual lesbian. I am terribly sorry for my ignorance. Your mom is right. And trust me I didn't know I was really gay until I was around 19. I thought I was bisexual. I had extreme crush and admiration towards a number of girls, but it grossed me out when this cute girl also liked me in a way. It takes time. Do not limit yourself to a certain sexuality and hold onto it like its some kind of a tattoo. In our teens our hormones messes with our emotions, being a gay male for instance does not necessarily mean that I am just sexually attracted to men but also that I don't get romantic feelings and loveydowey feelings towards women. I am sorry but yes there is an existing probability and it is high. You can tell your mom instead that you are still figuring out what you want, and you hope whether its a boyfriend or a girlfriend, they would be there to accept you no matter what.
The way I see it, you don't have to come out at all. By asexual lesbian, I take it that you mean you have an attraction to girls, but not a sexual one. Right? Anyway, there are so many people who don't marry, etc. that I don't think telling your folks that you are ace is a matter of life or death. As the poster ^ above said, your twenties are when things start to settle down. Sometimes longer. So don't be in a hurry. Sebby45
I don't understand how people think "non-straight kids under the age of 20 can't know their sexuality" and then in the same breath, start talking about heteronormative relationships to them. Bullshit! Either they know their sexuality or they don't. That includes straight people. It's not uncommon for a 16 year old to think they're straight and turn out to be wrong later in life. I wouldn't expect good results here, sadly. A lot of people don't take asexuals seriously and treat it as a mental disorder rather than a sexual orientation.
I have to agree with some of the other posters that there's no reason you couldn't know something about your orientation at age 16. Sure, it's entirely possible you're still figuring some things out - social demands place a lot of baggage on LGBT/non-straight people that we have to work through before being as comfortable in our skin as straight people are - but that doesn't mean we won't know at least something by the same age as people who are straight (then again, some of us only come out, even to ourselves, later in life). Having said all that, though, sometimes it's helpful to figure out where we really stand before coming out - I've talked with several people who had trouble getting their family/friends to see their orientations as legitimate because they came out three or four (or more) times, and eventually their family became a little numb to the process. Or, if you really want to come out, you could do so without a firm answer - you could tell your friends/family you're questioning, or you could come out as "asexual or lesbian," or otherwise just admit that you don't have a firm answer on this front yet ("not straight"). As with other posters, I'm a little unclear also about what you mean by "asexual lesbian." If you do feel attraction to other women, it's entirely possible - and normal - to simply not be comfortable with the idea of acting on it yet, again due to social pressures and expectations. Many gay/lesbian people continue to find same-sex relationships and sex odd, even after coming out, and sometimes even for a short time after they do start dating. Nobody's saying you have to start dating now, or at any point though - you can certainly choose not to date if that's what you're most comfortable with. But, if it is social pressure that's making you uncomfortable, you might want to try confronting these feelings on your own at some point (perhaps with the help of a counselor or some such thing).
