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Torn between loneliness and "mutual masturbation" parties.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Jay, Apr 21, 2009.

  1. Jay

    Jay
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    So I live in a place where homosexuality is not tolerated, liked or even considered normal. Just recently there has been a lot of discussion about how "banning gay marriage" is not discrimination (<-- WTF?) and just "protecting the sanctity of family" but that's besides the point.

    I am in a point of my life where I don't know if I can even handle being lonely anymore. I have no close friends at college, and the people at church are my age but totally not my type (even though they're accepting since I came out to them a while back, and I am out to some friends at college too who were fine with it). The thing is that as you might or might not know, around a week before Easter, my college crush died. And I still can't get over him. So I feel lonely and guilty and powerless.

    So I decided to google LGBT groups in my city. I found a group that seems nice, maybe a little disorganized but nice overall. This people get together and go to the movies, to the mall, or to dinner on friday nights and then to bars to have some fun, and so on. But they also have "jack-off parties" where they get together and.... jack each other off. Which I find interesting, hard to believe, and totally irresponsible.

    But at this point, I don't really know what else to do to meet people. I don't click with just anyone despite being extremely outgoing: I can talk to you but rarely I'll want to develop a friendship with you. And this goes more into the "how having a non-official friendship will benefit ME at school/work/life in general" than the "let's go out and have some drinks" so I feel like I am just interested in what most people can give me.

    Back into the Jack-off parties: I believe that this type of sexual activities is immoral and wrong. I feel that if you're going to have sex, have it responsibly within a long-term relationship. That's the way I feel and that is the way I know God feels. Sex wasn't made for the "fun ride", and proof of that is the countless millions of HIV cases all around the world. And second, I feel totally uncomfortable with my appearance. I am heavily overweight, short and just... ugly. I don't see why someone would want to have me in a more formal serious relationship when they can do SO MUCH BETTER and SO EASILY too.

    I just don't know what to do. Sorry for the long rant. I won't hurt myself, I know that isn't the way out, but I just need someone to talk face-to-face where I can be myself and just myself... and be accepted unconditionally.
     
  2. Roxas101

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    I think that bit there about sums this up.

    If you don't want to do it, don't feel pressured to. You WILL find a meaningful relationship eventually, but this type of... activity? won't help you at all in the long run. Remember, only do what you feel comfortable with and not what others want you to do.

    Hope this helps...

    Kaleb.
     
  3. xequar

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    If you don't feel comfortable, then don't do it. Chances are that the people at these parties either aren't looking for a relationship, or they have too much baggage or too many issues to handle any relationship they might find themselves in anyway. If you don't feel comfortable in that situation and you believe sex means something more than hanging out in a room with a bunch of guys jacking each other off, then don't hang out in a room with a bunch of guys jacking each other off.
     
  4. Maddy

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    The parties definitely don't sound like a place to go if you're looking for a relationship, but I'd still recommend going to the other events the group holds - you never know how many guys might go to those but not the jacking-off parties, because of feeling the same way that you do about them.
    And you will find someone, because you are deserving of love - everyone is. The things you see as flaws might be exactly what someone special is drawn to.
     
  5. Alex19

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    i agree with what everyone else said.^
     
  6. BasketCase

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    Do the other activities but avoid the j/o parties.
     
  7. Jay

    Jay
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    I don't really want a relationship... I mean of course I want to, but reality is that it isn't something I'll be able to handle. I just want to make new friends....
     
  8. AzThRg0

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    Then go to the other activities and not the parties. You can still be their friend and not take place in those parties. Treat their sex lives like I'm sure you'd like yours treated. Don't ask about it and don't let it affect your judgment of them too much. And if you can't be their friends due to what they do, then maybe go to the group and ask them about any other lgbt groups in the area.
     
  9. Jay

    Jay
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    *bump*

    Following up, I talked to one of the leaders of the group and he told me the meetings aren't as usual now since many people left the group for lack of interest. So that means I'm back at point A, where I have no idea where to go for some support or just to hang out.
     
  10. Lexington

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    Time to regoogle, and see what else you come up with...?

    Lex
     
  11. PlayMikePlay

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    I agree you should regoogle it.

    I honestly also assume that this group doesn't have memebers who don't participate in such ordeals.