Hey, I never pictured that I'd be on a website about empty closets at any point of my life. In fact up until about 3 years ago I never realized I was bi but now I'm starting to accept it. When it comes to sexual relationships I've always believed in this sort of philosophy I created. I remember once reading this passage in the bible: And I thought to myself "fuck that" I'm not going to be sexually repressed. Which sometimes has gotten me in trouble with woman. A a few years down the track a man started at my work. He had long hair which went down to his hips which reminded me of a woman. Because I never trained myself to withhold my emotions I was displaying attraction towards him and I knew he knew I knew which was a messy ball of anxiety to myself. Imagine the shock! Only a few days before I was having sex with a girl at her house and now I'm confronted with the reality that I might like a guy. My entire life I'd never looked at naked men or even believed I was attracted to them and before I had the chance to really process what was going on I started getting anxiety. It felt like when I walked into a room everyone stared right at me and just finished talking about me which only added to social anxiety I'd begun developing. A few days after my boss pulled me into a room and told me someone had been saying something about me behind my back. He wouldn't tell me what they were saying but he made it indirectly clear when I probed him (a different person there who I trusted all together) so as I came out I stared him down without ever really knowing what was said. About a week later this "friend" who I trusted, started talking to the other person out loud, calling me things like a faggot. It seemed like just a few people believed or knew I was bisexual before I was even aware of it. I knew I couldn't hide my emotions because I show a lot of honest expression. And while I knew how they were saying things wasn't right. I didn't want my ego to get the better of me and believed that lashing out would make me look "guilty" so it was better to ignore them. A few days after I took a holiday outterstate and then never came back. Part of it was that it was a shitty paying job and the other part was that I didn't have the confidence to confront the situation (I was already a anxious person) So there's every fiber of my body that wants to punch this person in the head for the way that he went about doing things and more or less backstabbing me as a friend but I'm not going to let the worst get the better of me. I've never spoken about this to anyone. I know that while I feel attraction towards both men and woman. I naturally gravitate towards female porn 100% of the time. Sometimes I've tested myself with gay porn while sometimes it makes me feel a bit repelled by it there has been 1 porn clip which I thought was okay. I think if people are honest with themselves they'll find that sexuality is fluid. But I'm at that point where I've decided that this is my life to live and I don't need to give a fuck about what anyone else thinks about me or does. It's worse to live a life of passivity and be on the receiving end (no pun intended) of things. While it was a bit cowardly to attack someone who hasn't even gone through the conceptual integrations and realization they may be bi. You can't hurt someone whose already accepted the harshest realities about themselves.
Does anyone else here show attraction openly toward another man and then get anxious about knowing they are? sometimes I'll avoid eye-contact all together and feel very uncomfortable in a social interaction but the fact is that attraction was never a choice I made and now I have all this conditioning in the way.
Hey Jerseybowls, I was going to respond to you yesterday, but I got sidetracked. I’m so sorry that you were Outed like that at your previous job. Your sexuality is really nobody’s business but yours (and your romantic partner’s). I think you were certainly right not to have responded to the idiot that Outed you in that situation. Pornography is a poor indicator of sexuality. Heck, some straight guys like to watch gay porn and even some lesbians prefer to watch gay male porn – not that either would ever actually have romantic and sexual relations with a guy. You hit the nail on the head when you said that you just need to live your life and not give a f**k about what anyone else thinks about you. To be happy, you have to be true to yourself. In terms of getting anxious about openly displaying attraction to the same-sex, sure, a lot of us feel it, especially when we are still coming to terms with our sexuality. We live in a heteronormative world and are taught as we grow up that homosexual tendencies are just “wrong.” It can take time for us to overcome this artificial internalized homophobia (or “conditioning,” as you called it) that has been ingrained in us by our society, our religion, etc. And, yes, as you know, our sexuality isn’t a choice. It is what it is. To me, the most important thing is for each of us to understand and accept our sexuality so that we can be comfortable with who we are. Each of us comes to an understanding and acceptance of our sexuality at our own pace. And there is a difference between understanding our sexuality and finally, totally accepting it. In my case, it took me two years from the point that I really understood my bisexuality until I finally accepted it about myself. Oh, and welcome to EC! I hope some of that helps…
Thank you for the welcome Quantum. I've always been open and accepting toward LGBTI people even while some of my friends haven't but it's so different to actually be bi than to just know someone who is so I appreciate your feed back. Have a good day.
Hey Jerseybowls, Yeah, I know what you mean. Being bisexual is definitely not easy. I believe that there is a greater lack of understanding of bisexuality in the world than homosexuality and more biphobia (bisexuals don't exist, bisexuals are just homosexuals who haven't figured out their sexuality yet, bisexuals are greedy, etc) than homophobia. You might want to check out thiswebsite. In terms of friends. I have to say that I would no longer consider any of friends who were unaccepting of the LGBTQ community to be friends - fortunately, I've never directly had to experience that situation. Most of my friends are straight guys. While all of them have been accepting of me and the LGBTQ community, they vary individually on how much they are willing to let me talk about my sexuality when I have things that I want to talk about. Of course, they can’t really comprehend how bisexuality works, but at least some will let me talk, when I need to. Others make it clear how uncomfortable they are if my conversation includes any discussion of my same-sex attractions or crushes. So I try to respect their boundaries. I have a few gay male friends, but they don’t really comprehend how bisexuality works either, and I get some biphobic comments/feedback from them from time to time (which I at least don’t get from my straight friends). I also have a few bisexual friends and acquaintances, but only one in real-life. My discussions with him and with other bisexuals here on EC have been truly liberating and enlightening, as well as very comforting/supportive. Do you have any specific questions/concerns/issues at the moment? You said that you are struggling to accept that you are Bi. Do you think it’s mainly overcoming your internalized homophobia/conditioning that says it’s wrong to have feelings for the same-sex? You said that you decided that you just have to live your life and not care what others think, but do you still feel some shame about same-sex attractions? I don’t know if they’ll help in your situation, but there are a couple of YouTube videos that discuss bisexuality that you may want to check out: Are You Bisexual – Quiz How to Tell if You're Bisexual - Is Bisexuality a Choice? As far as acceptance goes, most of us go through a grieving process to reach acceptance. We grow up being taught, whether through religious doctrine or just what society basically deems ‘normal’ that same-sex attractions are an aberration. When we start to realize that we are not ‘normal’ based on those influences, we might start to lose part of our confidence and our self-worth. We might feel that we are letting our parents and those we love down. But, of course, this isn’t true. We don’t choose our sexuality. We are who we were born to be and the way to deal with is to live our lives being the best people we can possibly be. There are 5 steps to the grieving process. First comes Denial: in this case, “no, I’m not gay.” Next comes Anger: “I hate this and I hate myself! Why can’t I just be ‘normal’ like most other people? Why ME!?!” Then comes Bargaining: “So, maybe I’m bisexual, but then again maybe I’m heterosexual. I can probably just suppress the same-sex part of my bisexuality and act like a heterosexual to the world. But, no I’m certain I’m bisexual. Or am I…?” After that comes Depression: “I want to be ‘normal.’ I wish I was just heterosexual. This sucks and I don’t think I could ever really live life as a bisexual. I know I can’t face my parents. I don’t even want to face society. I’m just going to hide somewhere until it goes away. Why did I have to be the victim of this cruel joke?” Until, finally, there is Acceptance: “Hmm… Maybe this isn’t as bad as I thought. Maybe I can accept my bisexuality and my same-sex attractions. And you, know what? My sexuality is just a part of who I am, but it doesn’t define who I am. I am going to be the person I was born to be and I will do amazing things with my life!” The steps don’t always occur for any given person in that order and people sometimes go back and forth among the steps. Take Care!
