This may take some explaining! I have been debating on and off for what seems like weeks on end about whether or not I should come out to my closest (male) friend; the only people I have told so far have been girls, so I knew I was relatively safe in terms of their reactions. A couple of weeks ago (before Easter) I was having a really down week - we were having exams in school, work was mounting and I was beating myself up over still not having told him. I came up with the idea of telling another close female friend (who I was pretty much sure would have a good reaction, as she has never had a bad word to say about any gay people whatsoever, and I think she already had an idea), so it would maybe cheer me up and put me in a good enough mood to tell my other friend. The problem came when, as comfortable as I am with both my sexuality and her attitude towards homosexuals etc., I just couldn't say it. I was procrastinating telling her, just as much as I was with my other friend! In the end, I asked the first person I ever came out to (who still, one year on, is my closest friend) to tell her. In short, she did, and of course my friend was fine and happy for me. The problem is that I now feel... guilty? There is a nagging feeling inside of me which tells me that I should at least have told her myself, if not in person so I get used to it. I think it's maybe because I view it as quite a personal thing, and getting someone else to share such an integral part of me feels really bizarre. My question is, if anybody has used friends to come out before, if this feeling is normal? I know that, by all means, I should be happy (as our friendship hasn't changed in any way), but I just didn't get the feel-good factor I was expecting. Was I wrong for telling someone simply to cheer myself up, and not out of friendship? Sorry in advance if this post is really long!
you shouldent feel guilty it can be hard telling people im finding impossible at the moment but you let her know its no different than writing a letter to someoen except yours walked and talked and now she knows and is fine you can always talk to her about it no u just need to tell him about yourself good luck x
My best friend told my brother for me. Having someone else do it for you can be a good thing cause without her i dont think i would have ever came out to him. Everything turned out fine but having someone else to do it for you can be risky cause you dont know how someone will react to the news and someone else doing it can make things worse. It turned out fine for you this time with your friend but i think it might be better to do it by yourself next time so when it comes down to telling your parents you will have the courage to do it.
Thanks for the advice, and don't worry - I am definitely going to get practise telling people in person! (I have only managed one so far, and I really do need to get used to it) And thanks for the encouragement, Just Adam, it means a lot :icon_bigg
Don't feel bad, it really is your choice about who to tell, how, and for what reasons. Maybe you could write a note or an email to someone if you have trouble telling them. Good luck
I've been there. My sister offered to break the news to my parents, and I readily agreed. Even though they've been quite cool with it, I do still occasionally get the feeling that I took the "coward's way out". I've since made peace with it. I've decided coming out is simply something to get beyond. The point is that the parents know, so I can continue living my life openly, rather than how they were told. Lex
Personally, I would rather break the news myself, mainly so I can be part of the reaction. If it were bad news, then I wouldn't mind someone else doing it for me. But being gay is good news so why should I leave that to someone else? It would take all of the fun out of it. And yes, after a while, it really is fun to come out to people, especially when they don't expect it. I'm coming out to my old band mates in a few weeks and I'm really looking forward to the look on their faces. It will be like :eek: You're kidding, right? Nope :lol:
I'd agree with Lorenz. I want to be part of the reaction and argue my case if something happens to go awry. I wouldn't expect or want another person to have to fill in my shoes and argue my case or anything. I'd feel really bad for that friend if something went wrong. But it's perfectly okay to have someone else break the news I think. It is very challenging to talk to parents about sexuality, let alone friends.
Sounds like a situation I was in. Just come out, they'll be fine. Honestly, don't drag it on longer then you ought to It'll be fine.
from my own experience, girls are catty and love gossip... as soon as i told one of my girl friends like 10 others knew, while when i told my guy friends they just kept it to themselves and spoke to me about it and stuff... i feel that guys will be able to relate to you better than girls would but, hey, thats just my oppinion either way, coming out is always a nice experience and it helps you see who your true friends are. trust me. good luck!
I think maybe you don't feel as good is just because you didn't get the personal satisfaction of having told her yourself. Sure, it would've been more rewarding, but now she knows and everything's fine So it's not a big deal. Now, don't drag out telling your male friend. You'll do great and you'll get the satisfaction and pride this time
