One more important 420 event - it would have been my parents' 18th wedding anniversary, and the first they've missed since their divorce. That happened last fall, but it's still a tough situation - my dad is dating and pretending like we don't know, my mom is living by herself in an apartment a few miles away, my grandmother is constantly stirring up rumors about both of them, and...I've explained it all in other threads. My dad isn't handling it that well. On Monday, he didn't even bring up the subject of the anniversary, and I wouldn't expect him to, but he seemed particularly disheartened. My mom got a little pissy about it - she sent him a bouquet of stargazer lilies (which was always "their" flower) almost as a spiteful thing. What I'm asking is...how do I manage this division at home, the overload of school, the pressure of hiding my sexuality from my bigoted and intolerant classmates, and every other little depressing detail of life? Is there anything I can do, or should do, to make things easier for myself concerning my parents' relationship - make them feel less worried about us kids, or to stop biting at each other with criticism and snide insults? Just some advice in general? Anything other than that damned hug smiley?
I was going to suggest talking to a counsellor but I see you are already doing that. I wont past that damned smiley, and what I say will probably be as worthless as the smiley, but I hope you find a way to work through the problems in your life. I wish you the best.
I don't think you can really do anything about what your parents are doing to each other...for that is their decision, and I don't think that there is anything to be done about it on your part. I don't know...if you can get away somewhere for some "you" time away from it all, that would probably be good. I like to do that when life closes in (not that I'm saying that I relate to this...I don't want to come off sounding like an ass, but I am, aren't I?), and it does help sometimes. At least for a little bit. Maybe as far as this part goes, do some things around the house if you don't already? Clean up, offer to cook, something to help out? I'm really worthless with this kind of thing, so I am sorry if reading this wasted your time. (Just wanted to try to be...helpful, y'know?)
i know you love your parents but theyre adults they have to deal with it i know sounds cruel but its life shit happens we jsut have to keep going and move on you need to concentrate on school making them proud because letting you academic life slide worrying about them wont help anyone itll just hurt you in the future i think you just need to talk to them let them know you know how hard things are and you love them and will be there for them thats the job of a child not to solve a parents problems just be there to support them when needed take care x
Dear Wander, I just happened to be looking over the most posts and yours caught my attention. I do not know if what I have to offer will help because I do not know your complete story, but the first thing I believe is that you can not take all of the problems that your parents are going through upon yourself. In many ways you have to let them work things out for themselves. The one thing that may be helpful is to let each one of them know that you are there to help each one of them and that you care about them. It all comes down to realizing that you can not take the weight of their problems upon your shoulders. Overload at school -> does this mean you are falling behind in your subjects? If so you might want to discuss things over with the teachers in the subject areas you are having difficulties in. See if there is a way to get things caught up. Hiding sexuality from classmates-> the way that you discribe your fellow clasmates it seems like if you were to come out to them they may not be ready to accept it and this might cause more harm than good. Perhaps it would be best not to discuss this with them at this time. In closing I would like to say that be open with your parents and let them know how much the division is bothering you and let them know that you are concerned and care. Also take some time out for yourself, some quiet time. Keep us posted as to how things are going even if you want to drop a note to say hi. Respectfully, careandrespect
My advice-step back and let them go to it. Seriously, you're not your parents, and although you're their kid, you can't control how they feel about each other. Step back, let them go at each other, and be willing to listen if either of them needs a shoulder to cry on.
Depending on your parents' personality, it might help to talk to them about it. To point out that, while they're not husband and wife any more, they are Mum and Dad, and that their behaviour is hurting their kids. Perhaps they'd be able to give each other the silent treatment instead of warring all the time. Of course, it does depend on the type of people they are, so only you and your siblings can decide if this'd work. If you think it would, though, then try it. (*hug*)
I am very sorry about your current situation, but I am affraid the only thing you can do is to let it go. I am sure you care about your parents and I know the hole situation is realy bothering, but it is not you who had to handle it. Their divorce and all the troubles that came with it are your parents' problem, not yours. If the way they deal with it bothers you, you have to talk to them about it, because you don't have to handle this and you don't have to take care of them, you have a hard time enought taking care of yourself. It would probably be better to do it when you are calm. You can talk to them separatly, but you also can ask them to talk to both of them at the same time. The important thing is that you have to explain them that the way they deal with each other hurts your feelings and that you'll appreciate if they could make an effort to make things easier for you. Whatever their reaction will be on the moment, it may help them rethink about the way they act and hopefully help them to make things easier for you. Take care, Eleanor
hi this story sounds a lot like my life, today would be my parents 25th wedding anniversary, they 'split up' at christmas, which made for a pretty crappy christmas, and since then my mum goes on and on about it, and is so angry, my dad is like ridiculously depressed and stressed, although that is mainly to do with the financial situation we are in, so when dd comes round mum just shouts and screams then he goes because he can't handle it, my mum has fallen out with most of my dad's family which makes it awkward because she doesn't like me talking to my auntie on facebook, and she doesn't talk to most of her family either, although i do, again awkward. Then there's the whole stressing over living a lie thing, plus i have soooooooooo many exams yet not enough time for revision, and homework and so yeh i understand the whole balancing act with the stresses in your life, personally i think you just need really good friends that u can vent it all to haha
