Hey everyone, my name is Michael. Let me begin when this all started: At around 9th grade (age 14), I began to realize I had some sort of attraction to other guys. At the time, because I was still young, I did not fully understand it meant I was gay. As I went through my high school years, I doubted even the slightest chance It was possible (thinking to myself "~this couldn't happen to me~") but what did I know, I was very young. As I went through my sophomore and junior years, I had several girlfriends but was never happy and unsatisfied. I continued to push the idea to the back of my head. Senior year passed and I continued to have the same feelings, doubting and telling everyone "I'm straight". When I started college, those feelings remained. I still continued denying the possibility that I could be gay. Now I am 1 year from graduating from college, and the realization has hit me hard. My family, friends, and acquaintances have no clue I am gay (maybe this is because I don't have feminine traits? I don't know). I feel like I have build ,a relationships with the people around me on a lie and coming out could prove disastrous. I'm a conservative Catholic, and we go to church weekly. My family has always been accepting of other people, although they may not agree with other people's choices and decisions, they always respect others. Here's the issue, I'm their son, not some acquaintance they met. I am terrified and scared to come out. It's like an ache in my chest and a nauseous stomach ache in my gut. I want to come out, but am afraid. I don't want to lose those closest to me and not be accepted by those I have not met. If anyone would like to talk, it would be very helpful. Thank you.
Hi there Michael! First of all, welcome to EC! I belong to a conservative/semi-orthodox (Hindu) Family where we follow societal norms to a tee. Unfortuantely we value what society thinks of us above how we wish to lead our lives. It's harsh and sad that way. My parents are fairly modern, out-ward thinking and progressive compared to the rest of my family, but we are an old-school, dogmatic world. That is one of the reasons my attempts at coming out failed miserably and I'm firmly in the closet. But you stated that your parents have always been accepting of others. Is there any way you could find a way to broach the topic of LGBT and find out their opinions and views on it? Perhaps then you would be in a much clearer state as to how they might react if you came out to them. Coming out is tough, especially when you are unsure of how your loved ones will react to it. But take it one step at a time and see. I'm sure things will work out for you. Hang in there. (*hug*)
Welcome to EC, Michael! You're definitely in the right place. I think your fears are the ones that practically *everyone* has. Even when they absolutely know their parents will be completely supportive. It's just one of those incredibly vulnerable things... and in your case, I understand also how the conservative religious piece fits in and makes things even more complicated. What we've seen at EC overwhelmingly is that almost all parents -- even the most staunchly Christian conservatives -- eventually come around. It's easier for some than others, and in your case, it sounds like your parents are already pretty open minded, which is a huge plus. I think it's important to realize that there's no immediate burning need (at least, not that you've described) to come out to them any time soon. Becoming completely comfortable with yourself and confident in your self-identity would probably be a great place to start, and that takes some time. And then, as you feel more confident and comfortable... that's when you can tell them. (Unless you really want to do it sooner, which could also be ok.) The key to know in advance is... most likely it will take them a bit to come to terms. You went through a process of self-acceptance, which likely included denying it, trying to change yourself, wishing it weren't true, etc. And those "stages of loss" (of identity as straight) are key for everyone... you, family, various others. The actual stages are denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance, and it can take anywhere from 5 minutes to months or longer for people to go through them, but the important piece is... nearly everyone does eventually get to acceptance. Meantime... this is an amazing community to talk about your fears, concerns, questions, and to feel connection with others who have been in your place. I hope you'll stick around!
