1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

My best friend...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Mike J, Apr 23, 2009.

  1. Mike J

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2009
    Messages:
    65
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Hello guys..

    I've been out to my best friend (and only her) for 2 years and we have always gotten along so well. It was always shocking to people because we are sooo different, but we really click when its just me and her hanging out.

    Recently though we usually end our hang-outs on bad terms like one of us pissing eachother off or fighting. We are both going through some difficult times in our lives and I felt like we needed each other but hanging out seems to be ruining our relationship.

    Outside of our own homes I really dislike her personality. She is rude and annoying. Like at the grocery store the checker will have on a lot of perfume and she will say (aloud) "Wow somebody really has nasty perfume" or we will be getting lunch surrounded by families and she will loudly talk about sex or somthing, for example today she just yelled "OMG i just got a boner!" or like "Omg you cunt!" and there are kids and adults around. Or park in handicap spaces because she doesnt want to walk. UGHH I have talked to her many times about censoring herself and she blows it off and says "I dont care what anyone thinks". Of course its not me ever so I hate to be associated with such bad behavior because people look. And when they do she stares back and will say something like "What are you looking at?" or one time at a fancy restaurant she stared this woman down through her whole dinner giving her mocking faces because she rolled her eyes at us for being so annoying. I hate it.

    This type of thing makes me very uncomfortable and makes me never want to go out with her. I question why we are best friends these days because that is not me AT ALL, and she refuses to change.

    I still love her and her mom and they are there for me and likewise, and normally we have a lot of fun hanging out just us two at her house or somthing.


    Im writing this because just now i was at her house with some other people and she started pulling my hair and then licked my neck and my face. I am a germ freak and that ticked me off. I said "Don't lick me, i'm not joking and its not funny" Then she did it again so i punched her as hard as i could and she started yelling "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE" and hitting me. So we slapped eachother around and then I left as she slammed the door behind me.

    Tomorrow she will probably be like "i was just joking" but she doesn't seem to get that her behavior actually makes me angry even though i have told her it does.

    I don't want to lose my only very good friend, especially with only a few months before we go seperate ways for college.

    Also I just got her a job at my work so now I'm concerned that if our friendship did fall through, she is the kinda person that is a blatant bitch to people she doesn't like.

    :frowning2: But I love her...


    *sigh* i dont know...
     
  2. BasketCase

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2009
    Messages:
    331
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Northern Ireland
    Sounds like more bother than it is worth to me but thats just my opinion. Would it not be possible to just cool your friendship for a while? Then when she ask why she hasnt seen you as much you point to the fact that you told her some of the stuff she does annoys you yet she didnt care enough to try to change.
     
  3. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'd say it's time for a straight-up talk with her. If she says, "I don't care what people think", then tell her "Do you care what I think? Because it makes me really uncomfortable when you do things just to make people stare. I hate it."

    Lex
     
  4. olides84

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2008
    Messages:
    953
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Belgium
    Wow. I really don't know what to say. Luckily I don't love her, so I can happliy stay miles away from anyone like that. Her actions with people are just so pompous, arrogant, immature and basically nasty. Your punch-out with her is probably a good thing if she is ever going to change. Of course, if you drifted away from this one, I'm sure you'll find some new good friends at college.
     
  5. Maddy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2008
    Messages:
    2,633
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Melbourne, Australia
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You really need to sit down and really be direct with her. I don't know whether she'll accept what you say, but you need to let her know that it really upsets you when she acts like that, you don't find it funny at all, and it's really compromising your friendship. If she doesn't listen to what you have to say, I think it might be time to cut ties.
     
  6. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2007
    Messages:
    6,656
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Middle of Oregon
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Mike,

    This girl not only embarrasses you in public but she doesn't even respect your personal boundaries. It was wrong to hit her but she's clearly the type of person who doesn't respond to talking. You should have just walked out and not looked back with one regret. Remember, that it is HER loss when she loses your friendship. You'll go on and make new friends that are probably going to be alot better than her. Don't put up with this crap just because she seems to be your only friend at the moment. Your moving on to new places and doing new things....the friends will come.
     
  7. Mike J

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2009
    Messages:
    65
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I know it sounds weird that I punched her, but we have always had a brother-sister relationship like that. And she pulled my hair pretty damn hard and i snapped. I wrote this when i was still very furious and it really makes her sound like a terrible person. Yet all of it is true and those stories did happen...

    She has kept my secret and been there for me to talk to, and her mother too. We have been inseperable for almost two years, and our moms have become friends. Recently though there has just been tension and we acknowledge that it exists and I say that I'm stressed out and depressed all the time and she has some personal issues..

    I'm going on a trip for the weekend so hopefully things will cool down and we can talk sunday.

    Ty guys <3