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My teamate thinks I'm trying to steal his boyfriend

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by AlecF, Apr 18, 2017.

  1. AlecF

    AlecF Guest

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    So I joined the LGBT Softball leauge and we play Saturday Sunday and Monday nights.
    My teamates are great and all but I developed a crush on the pitcher (P) (who's boyfriend unbeknownst to me also plays on the team) Anyway Sunday night, I was in the dugout with P and we were just talking and laughing about a screw up that I caused on the field when P's boyfriend comes over and tells me "In case you didn't know WHORE, He's MY BOYFRIEND!" I apologized and told P's boyfriend that I wasn't making a move on him. We were just talking when you came over. He told P it was time to leave and P looked miserable and kind of put off by the whole situation. When P's boyfriend tells me to back off from HIS BOYFRIEND. The guy seems really insecure but he's sweet or so I thought. Fast forward to monday night when me and P and his boyfriend are leaving to go home after the game (we lost :frowning2: P was complimenting my hair when his boyfriend flys into a rage and shoves me to the ground and starts wailing on me. HE'S MY BOYFRIEND GET YOUR OWN YOU FUCKING SLUT! P pulls him off me and apologizes. I try to mend things with his boyfriend but he literally spat in my face. I hardly know this guy and he hates my guts due to him acting like a teenager. I tried explaining to him that we were just talking but this guy is irrational.
    What causes someone to behave like this?
     
  2. I'm gay

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    Jealousy mixed with immaturity.

    The fact is, though, that the boyfriend can clearly see your crush on his boyfriend. I would suggest you back off P and move on. If P is interested in you, he'll find a way to dump his immature boyfriend. And if he's too scared to upset his boyfriend, then is P really a guy you want to date anyway?

    Just my thought. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  3. Chip

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    Fundamentally, the boyfriend feels unworthy of love. He doesn't believe that he is good enough, or deserves, the love of his boyfriend (your crush.) (This, of course, is likely not in his conscious awareness.)

    So the jealous response is because deep down, he's scared to death that he will lose his boyfriend because he isn't worthy of keeping him. (This is also why he calls you "whore" and "slut"... it is what he feels about himself.)

    This sort of shame is, unfortunately, rampant and really difficult. Nobody can do anything about it except him. No matter how much you or his boyfriend do to tell him he's worthy and OK... the shame he has deep down will keep him from believing it... until he does his work.

    And unfortunately, people like this, because they are so insecure, rarely will acknowledge the need to do their own work... which just creates a vicious cycle.

    The one thing you can do is insist there's no violence, toward you or anyone else. If it were me, and someone did something like that, I might give one pass and let the person know that any such behavior in the future will have me filing assault charges.
     
  4. Ushiromiya Red

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    Oh honey I can only imagine how you're feeling. I don't know what to say but I can offer a virtual hug.(*hug*)
    [​IMG]
     
  5. AlecF

    AlecF Guest

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    Thank You everyone.

    Chip, I feel deep down that I'm still repressing my sexuality around my family. I don't feel like I could ever be "openly gay". I do not act flamboyant, but since coming out, it seems I can be more open with expressing my feelings with friends whether LGBT or straight. When did you fully accept your sexuality?
     
  6. Andrew99

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    Wow that's a lot of gay drama. I think he has trust issues mixed with jealousy?
     
  7. Chip

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    They are the same thing, they both resolve back to shame. :slight_smile:


    Remember that acceptance comes from accepting and loving yourself first. It's definitely harder with family, since all of us want to feel acceptance from family. What it comes down to is a willingness to be yourself, and believing that your worth isn't impacted by your family's acceptance or lack thereof... easier said than done, I realize.

    If you really want to get past it, then the solution is to simply tear off the band-aid and talk to your family. Talk specifically about the fact that you don't feel comfortable being yourself around them. That might be painful up front but then, even if it takes them time for them to fully accept and embrace things, you will feel better about being authentic and asking for what you need.