Empty Closets Coming Out Resources and a Safe Place to Chat
Welcome Forum Chat Room Resources News Members

Go Back   Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out > Support Area > Coming Out Advice

Coming Out Advice A supportive place to ask for and give advice about coming out. Includes a sub-forum for posting stories about your coming out experiences.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 18th Apr 2017, 12:23 PM   #1
Be kind and don't judge! <3
Regular Member
 
LunarLyric's Avatar
 

Gender: Female
Orientation: Lesbian
Out Status: Not out at all
Location: Texas
Posts: 291
Join Date: Feb 2017


Coming out to dad. Is this a good plan?

Oh so what do you think of this plan? I made a thread related to it in Chit Chat but didn't pose the question directly. My mom and sister are going on vacation for a week over the summer, coincidentally during pride month lol. So i was thinking about buying pride merch (dad told me several backdoor ways to buy shit to get around mom cause he does it too). But the point, aside from possessing pride merch, and the idea is that i would like to use it as a conversation starter with my dad. Wear a pride shirt and necklace and use it as a conversation starter to see what he thinks and, if it goes well, come out to him.

I'm picking my dad as the first person to tell because he's very...laid back, i guess? Like if it doesn't affect him directly, most things don't concern him. He's very supportive, generally - like he'll take sister out to anime conventions that mom never would have been open to doing. He doesn't care for politics and he has sort of an 'i will live my life and you can live yours' mentality about everything i guess. So i feel like if i tested his opinion by wearing a pride shirt around him rather than directly confronting him...its a place to start. And i don't do confrontation so it has to be in a small way but i'd have to start it somehow cause he's not a talker.

I feel like even if it turns out he doesn't care for it in the end, he at least won't openly judge it. I would be very surprised if he didn't accept me or at least tolerate it. What do you think? I feel like starting with my dad is, well, a good place to start. If he accepts me then i'll think about being more open, generally, at work. Not just with sexuality, but life struggles and just general conversation. I've always been scared of everybody, but living like that is isolating. I think there're quite a few people at work that would make good work friends if i just talked to them more and tried not to let myself be so scared of rejection.

I know its probably a weird way to do it...idk if it'll even work. But i don't do confrontation cause i'm afraid of judgement and rejection so there has to be some sort of conversation starter. And i want pride merch anyways. And he doesn't do politics so that's not a good route to take.
LunarLyric is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21st Apr 2017, 08:32 AM   #2
Be kind and don't judge! <3
Regular Member
Threadstarter
 
LunarLyric's Avatar
 

Gender: Female
Orientation: Lesbian
Out Status: Not out at all
Location: Texas
Posts: 291
Join Date: Feb 2017


Re: Coming out to dad. Is this a good plan?

I feel like i'm being selfish and annoying bumping this. Sorry guys. Doesn't anyone have an opinion? Do i need to shorten it and reword it? Or is the whole thing just stupid and i should think of some other way to do it?
LunarLyric is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21st Apr 2017, 08:37 AM   #3
EC Addict
Regular Member
 
NerdByNature's Avatar
 

Gender: Agender
Orientation: Gyneromantic asexual
Out Status: Not sure how to explain to friends and family
Location: Manchester
Posts: 462
Join Date: Mar 2017


Re: Coming out to dad. Is this a good plan?

You are not being selfish or annoying. I think it's a great plan. And I hope that it leads to you discovering friends at work.
__________________
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt
NerdByNature is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21st Apr 2017, 08:40 AM   #4
Satan
Regular Member
 
CobraKiy3's Avatar
 

Gender: Pretty positive I'm a trans guy
Orientation: Bi leaning towards guys
Out Status: Out as bi, but still living as female
Location: Scotland
Age: 14
Posts: 130
Join Date: Sep 2016


Re: Coming out to dad. Is this a good plan?

Go for it. I find it's better people know for your mental health, especially if people accept you
__________________
You're mad. Bonkers. Off your head...but I'll tell you a secret...all of the best people are.
- Alice In Wonderland
CobraKiy3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21st Apr 2017, 08:54 AM   #5
Space Cadet
Regular Member
 
Assassin'sKat's Avatar
 

Gender: Female
Orientation: Lesbian
Out Status: Getting there
Location: Oregon
Posts: 368
Join Date: Dec 2016


Re: Coming out to dad. Is this a good plan?

If I were you, I don't think showing off pride merch before saying it is best.
But, if you think that will work for you, go for it, I suppose.
Assassin'sKat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21st Apr 2017, 10:21 AM   #6
Be kind and don't judge! <3
Regular Member
Threadstarter
 
LunarLyric's Avatar
 

Gender: Female
Orientation: Lesbian
Out Status: Not out at all
Location: Texas
Posts: 291
Join Date: Feb 2017


Re: Coming out to dad. Is this a good plan?

Quote:
Originally Posted by NerdByNature View Post
You are not being selfish or annoying. I think it's a great plan. And I hope that it leads to you discovering friends at work.
Thanks <3 Today's the Day of Silence...wonder if anybody from work will be doing it or commenting on it. If they do, think i should take the opportunity and come out to them? Or wait until i've been able to mentally prepare for it? I'm just an anxious mess today. This all just occurred to me.

---------- Post added 21st Apr 2017 at 12:22 PM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by CobraKiy3 View Post
Go for it. I find it's better people know for your mental health, especially if people accept you
THIS. I really need a support system and i think if i have people that accept me for this, that will help. But i'm a wimp and scared of conversation so yeah.

---------- Post added 21st Apr 2017 at 12:24 PM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by Assassin'sKat View Post
If I were you, I don't think showing off pride merch before saying it is best.
But, if you think that will work for you, go for it, I suppose.
Yeah that's the thing. I don't even know if he'll comment on it or take the bait if i ask his opinion on it. So idk if it'll be the conversation opener i'd like it to be to begin with. And i can only hope that because he's never made homophobic statements before or had an opinion on it that that means he isn't homophobic. But all of this really hinges on dad. If dad can't or wont accept me...i won't have anybody. If he doesn't accept me i'd be just as good dead cause he's the parental figure i try to let myself depend on when i need it, vent to some, etc.

Last edited by LunarLyric; 21st Apr 2017 at 10:27 AM..
LunarLyric is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21st Apr 2017, 11:47 AM   #7
EC Addict
Regular Member
 
Gender: Male
Orientation: Bisexual
Out Status: A few people
Location: California
Posts: 378
Join Date: Oct 2016


Re: Coming out to dad. Is this a good plan?

To tell you the truth, it sounds like your dad is already an ally at least in spirit. If you've shared the online ordering backdoor (not that I approve of circumventing mom) then you're already pals. He could become your best backer. And although it might seem small, it raised a (good) flag with me that he took your sister to an anime convention. He wanted his girl to follow her own ideas.

I think it's your call about the wearing-merch-hinting approach to raising the topic, if it's bright and colorful, yeah it should get some convo started. Good luck and let us know!

Last edited by beenthrdonetht; 21st Apr 2017 at 11:50 AM.. Reason: addendum
beenthrdonetht is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21st Apr 2017, 11:50 AM   #8
Be kind and don't judge! <3
Regular Member
Threadstarter
 
LunarLyric's Avatar
 

Gender: Female
Orientation: Lesbian
Out Status: Not out at all
Location: Texas
Posts: 291
Join Date: Feb 2017


Re: Coming out to dad. Is this a good plan?

Quote:
Originally Posted by beenthrdonetht View Post
To tell you the truth, it sounds like your dad is already an ally at least in spirit. If you've shared the online ordering backdoor (not that I approve of circumventing mom) then you're already pals. He could become your best backer. I think it's your call about the wearing-merch-hinting approach to raising the topic, if it's bright and colorful, yeah it should get some convo started. Good luck and let us know!
Haha you got me grinning in the break room like it's Christmas that's how much I love this post! Thanks so much it really means a lot. It's hard to tell sometimes with my dad cause he's not a talker.
LunarLyric is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My Complete Coming Out Story Data Coming Out Stories 14 21st Aug 2013 01:36 PM
My coming out plan, critiques welcome Geradeth Coming Out Advice 11 16th Mar 2010 10:55 AM
Coming Out - What to expect guide Seth Coming Out Advice 1 22nd Feb 2007 06:58 AM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:27 AM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright (c) 2004-2015, Empty Closets Community Services
The Empty Closets name and logo are registered trademarks of Empty Closets Community Services

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21