Is it possible that if you deny your sexual orientation you do not grow as a person so much so that you are stuck at a certain age? I feel as if I am in my twenties although I am in my forties and only realised and accepted my orientation a few years back. I know of a closeted gay guy who is quite childish in his personality although he is in his thirties - feels like he hasn't matured. Any one with similar dilemmas?
Hi Pole star, I asked myself a similar question not too long ago. It took me a while to know for sure but I accepted the fact that I was bi about 5 years ago. But I didn't start coming out until now for various reasons. Having to hide my orientation wasn't easy and made me a bit defiant when I was younger. Now I feel like I'm doing things to shock people sometimes because I've had to hide for so long. So in some ways I'd say it changes you at least temporarily. It's a really good thing that you've accepted your orientation and over time you can start to express your sexuality even in small ways, which may help to address how you feel.
Hey Pole Star! I've been wondering the exactly same thing.... I feel I'm the same the last 12 years.....and since I discovered my sexual orientation only recently, lots of different emotions came to surface. I wondered if you need to be yourself fully, in order to live the emotions and experiences, and so grow with them....just some thoughts. But it's funny how you pointed out exactly what I was reflecting about! I hope more people, some experienced, can post here and explains these things to us
Classic peter pan phenomena amongst LGBT! From my own perspective, as we deny our sexuality, we build an emotional wall to protect ourselves. That emotional wall inhibits our ability to develop emotionally. So while we physically age, we mentally get stuck and are emotionally immature. Once we accept ourselves, our emotions begin to develop. Albeit the emotional development is way behind our physical development. As part of the process of accepting ourselves, we then go through a second adolescence. For me, this second adolescence was reminiscent of being a teenager. While I had life experience, I did not have proper emotional experience. This period of time after coming out was a way for my emotional immaturity to catch up with my physical maturity. That said, I do believe I posses a youthful energy at this point and I am not sure my emotional age will ever truly catch up to my physical age. And you know what? I am just fine with that!
I've felt this exact same way for a very long time. As OTH said, I indeed built many walls to shelter myself from the feelings I had, and those who may object. I have spent a lifetime keeping people at arm's length, and now feel quite paralyzed because I never truly learned the social skills I should have years ago. I also grew up very defiant. Not criminally minded (thankfully), just a heaping helping of "do what I want and consequences be damned". I feel I created this persona of someone who just didn't care, but all the while that was designed to keep people from looking too closely at the broken soul that lay just beneath the surface. I guess I've gone a little off topic, but yeah, I still get the gist of it all. I really DO feel like I should still be in my 20's......despite recently turning 40. But you know what, fuck it. What's so damn great about being an old fogey anyway? I've decided I'm gonna take my youthful energy and just try to make up for some lost time if nothing else.
I know I feel like I haven't emotionally matured and as a result I'm not good with people in certain circumstances. I've tried to ignore my issues for most of my life which had lead to me not being able to deal with them as I am simply not emotionally equipped to do so. I never taken the time to ponder the cause but based on the age I was when I completely shut down my emotions as I couldn't handle them 13-21 it is possible that it was due to repressing who I was.
OnTheHighway is so spot on! Beautifully explained. I think the teenage years and twenties are so crucial to your emotional development as sexual identity is taking shape and when one is repressed at that time one lags behind until sef realisation and acceptance dawns. It is like time stood still... I do have that youthful energy or a child like enthusiasm which I feel helps me tackle many of the problems I face. I honestly don't care. My emotional maturity is way behind my physical maturity and I guess it may remain like that for sometime. I come across as innocent and naive sometimes as a result. Lack of social skills is so evident now. Funny how I did not realise all this ages ago! ---------- Post added 19th Apr 2017 at 10:37 PM ---------- It is frightening what denial and repression can do! I only understood this after joining EC!!!
