My mom doesn't believe that I like girls.

Maybe she should experiment with girls to see if she's straight or not : P

I've never understood this logic by straight people...most straight people don't need to date or sleep with anybody to know what they like. It's the same with us.

You're only doubting it because of the level of heterosexism you deal with.

 

Hey flyaway,

To go along with what Creativemind said, straight people just don't 'get it.'

The main thing that I suggest is that you continue to be consistent whenever you talk to your Mom about your attractions.

Even if you are still somewhat unsure about yourself, just try to pay attention to who your body is telling you that you are attracted to and shut out the 'noise' (as much as possible) from other people trying to 'tell' you what you are attracted to. No one else can ever actually KNOW you attractions. And, frankly, it is offensive when anyone tries to tell you how you feel or what you know. Unfortunately, these days, it can be somewhat 'fashionable' for some kids to pretend to be LGBTQ when they actually aren't, so that causes problems.

But any decent search of modern research, such as in your case, shows that our sexual orientation is either genetically ingrained in us or inculcated into us at an extremely early age (as an infant or Toddler). "Daddy" issues or even sexual abuse do NOT determine sexual orientation.

The bottom line, I think, is that you just have to listen to your body. If you find yourself more attracted to girls than boys, then so be it. If you have to make any type of effort to feel that you are more attracted to girls than boys, it's probably an artificial thing. How do you FEEL?

 

Look, you had crushes on girls. You're not straight.

Whether or not your disinterest in men comes from your parents fighting or not, who cares? Fact is, you are now not interested in men(or maybe you are, your post didn't specify.)

Also, I don't think it works like that anyway. Plenty of girls grew up with terrible fathers, but fall head over heels for men.

 

This whole line of thinking is so damaging and detrimental, i feel like. Perhaps apart of them is in denial and thats why they say it, or maybe they just can't wrap their head around how homosexuality works.

I feel this too sometimes. My mom and dad are still married (unfortunately) and have a bad relationship. Growing up my dad was always working and mom always talked bad about him to me. She was paranoid too, and that just led to me growing up pretty isolated. I wondered and still do sometimes if i'm gay cause of how she raised me. But looking back...liking girls was never a choice. It just came natural to me before i even realized what i was doing or how sexual it was. I was checking out girls before i knew what it really meant to be doing that - i was raised isolated, conservative, and was pretty naive back in 6th grade. My mom was too conservative to ever even give me 'the talk' i learned that all in school.

That's how i'm convinced for me it was purely instinctual...i didn't truly know anything about sex or relationships or anything, but there i was in 6th grade gym class looking at girls. I thought it was inappropriate and rude so i just felt ashamed and embarrased and hurriedly looked away. Convinced myself i liked guys, but even then i couldn't fake it well enough when girls went all gaga over a topless guy. I don't think i faked it very well though. I'd get asked every so often throughout middle and high school if i was gay. In all honesty, my classmates saw it before i did! :lol: As time passed, i'd have random thoughts seemingly just pop in my head, each more inappropriate than the last, and somehow i still didn't get it. Not till after highschool.

 

My mom thought I was kidding so I had to come out again. I had only ever dated girls and was forced by my brother to date a guy, so she assumed that one guy turned me straight. But she was just slow at getting it since she is older. And has come to appreciate and understand and even barge in my room asking what does transgender mean. I'd say, do however you feel. Love whoever you want. Even perhaps, go labelless like my girlfriend, she has never dated anyone and I am the very first for her to date. She didn't realized she liked girls until she met me. So I have to say, discovering ourselves is one journey that we all go on sometime.

 

Hey flyaway,

I don't know if it will help, but one thing you might tell your mom is that ONLY you can know your own sexuality, as ONLY she can know hers. She should take you at your word when you trust her enough to tell her that you aren't straight and that frankly, you are offended when you call her a liar by questioning your honest confession to her of your sexuality....

Or something along those lines.

Just a thought.

 

It's weird with my mom, she was fine when I came out to her (as bi) and said she loves me and that I am her child no matter what, but to this day she still kinda believes that my love for girls is a phase because I'm fucked up and confused in so many other ways, and keeps telling me to "find a man".

Because I came out as bi, she still believes that one day I'll have a perfect husband and give her cute little grandchildren and have the life she always imagined for me. Which I absolutely do not want.

And recently I realized that this is completely her problem, not mine. It has nothing to do with me. If she can't accept my orientation and wants to live in denial, that is ON HER. And it was very liberating, and now I no longer feel that burning rage when I hear her say "find yourself a man". When I bring a girlfriend home one day, she'll realize I'm serious and it will be hilarious :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

Hehe these are so telling. (And I'm not laughing at you, I think it's great.) Go with your instincts, and think how excited some other girl is going to be to learn you like her.

 

i can see that her reaction isnt quite what u was expecting, and has left u confused questioning urself.

If u felt strong enough to come out to her then that feeling towards woman will not go away. Yeah u may like guys one day who knows. what is importaint is that u are comfortable with urself. I would take her advise and experiement to see if u like girls, u might enjoy it

But seriously if she has said to u maybe u are unsure u need to experiment with girls. to me that is someone who is quite open minded and not closing the door on what u have told her. Maybe she feels guilty and that her past has had an influence on ur sexual preference.
basiclly if she was horrified at the idea of you and another woman i think u would have had a different how come. maybe give her time to process the infomation.

 

Hey I can understand your disappointment in your Mums words but I really dont think she means it in a hurtful way. It is true that sometimes straight people find it difficult to understand but that is true for a lot of things that you havent personally experienced. I dont want you to think that I am taking the side of you Mum because I am not but I also think that sometimes parents also need to come to terms with their child being gay, they sometimes have to go through the same stages of denial, grief, bargaining and acceptance that we do. Some find some stages easier than others and they are not aware of what they are doing. I believe your Mum will always be supportive but if you want to reopen the discussion or the next time it comes up naturally just reconfirm that you are sure and I am sure she will stop saying it.