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What made you feel ready to come out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by gaylor, Apr 23, 2017.

  1. gaylor

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    Despite almost coming out at the beginning of the month, i still haven't done it yet. I just don't think I'm ready. I am not sure how to know if i am truly ready to come out.

    I have spent a lot of time self reflecting on my feelings. It always comes back to my emotional connection with women and the lack of desire to have emotional connections with men. I see this even on a platonic level as I have no close male friends. I grew up without a father so that may have something to do with it. But I can't see myself spending my life with a man by my side, and a sexual relationship just doesn't seem natural.


    I have admitted to myself that I am gay and I am okay with it, but I can't help but worry that this is all in my head. I want to make sure I have covered all my bases before I start telling people. I will wait to come out when I feel ready and i know that only i can really know for sure. How did you know you were ready to come out? What was the deciding factor? Was there a specific feeling?
     
  2. Eldrher

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    I was forced to come out. I told someone I trusted that I was bisexual and they blackmailed me with it. I came out so that they could no longer use it as a weapon against me. I was scared, but not people were really accepting. My parents weren't bothered at all. It's up to you when you come out, but I'm glad I have.
     
  3. deepwaters7

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    While I'm not out yet, I plan to be all the way out by sometime next week. To answer your question, I guess would say I became comfortable with myself, saw what could be my future and really wanted to ask this guy out. I knew I was ready when Coming Out was often on my mind
     
  4. SomeUsername

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    I knew that I was ready to come out when the stress of staying closeted became too much to bear and I found my subconscious pushing me into it through self-sabotage. But it probably would have been better if I'd done it earlier.
     
  5. Broodyvamp

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    I was already out to myself and somewhat confident in my identity, at least for sure on my attraction to women. I had a very similar experience, I stayed in the closet until I absolutely could not anymore it pretty much just came bursting out of me. I went out with my best friend we had a couple drinks and she knew something was up and asked me what was wrong. I stayed quiet for a few moments and she waited then I just said it. She was surprised but completely accepting.

    I did not have the intention of coming out in that moment in fact I had planned to do so a couple weeks in the future. My advice to give would be to take it one person at a time and tell someone who you are 99% sure will react well. I also would float lgbtq+ issues by people before I tell them.

    Good luck, I hope this helped.
     
  6. Rin311

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    I guess I'm going to be the one to provide a negative example.
    I came out due to a false hope that my parents could help me become straight. I accepted that I'm gay, believed that it won't change, but had this desperate hope that it could. My coming out set off a series of events that ended up with me living on the streets and shooting heroin, ending up in rehab and having zero contact with my parents.

    Conclusion: don't come out unless you FULLY accept yourself, and feel certain that the people around you respond positively.
     
  7. DarkWhite

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    Well I'll be the one who will give you a slap of reality then. You can never be certain with all people responding positively. Some people, maybe even family just won't. That' s life. Also there are some things supportive people can help you with when you are unsure.

    CONCLUSION: You can't wait for people's positive reaction. You can't depend on it. You can come when you feel it's time. You will never be 100% sure about yourself if you don't come out. Sometimes you just need to risk it. And stand with your head up even when something go wrong

    I'm sorry to hear your story but...To me it sounds like you gave up just because your expectations ( which were kinda naive) weren't fullfilled. Kinda unnecessary if you ask me.

    Sorry for being so harsh.
     
  8. PrinceVegeta

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    I was never "ready". I pretty much bottled it all up until it accidentally exploded. But thank to that, here I am.
     
  9. OGS

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    I came out when I felt that I simply couldn't bear not to any more. I reached a point where I felt it was the only real way for my life to progress.

    My opinion may be skewed a bit by the fact that I came out back when hardly anybody was alright with it, but I would say exactly the opposite: come out when you are mentally and emotionally ready for people to respond negatively.
     
  10. Creativemind

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    I don't think I was ever closeted. I was confronted so fast and felt I had to tell to be honest. So...here I am.
     
  11. silverhalo

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    Hey for a long time I thought I would literally never come out but eventually my desire and need to tell people outweighed my fear of coming out and so I summoned up my 10 seconds of courage and out I came.
     
  12. HerRainbow

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    I went through a lot of reflection so I was certain that I was bi and was comfortable with it. I've come out about 4 times to friends and family and each time worrying has actually been a good sign that I was ready to come out.

    From my experience before you come out it's easy to doubt yourself because your worried about what other people might think. But just remember that only you know how you feel and indeed why you feel that way.
     
  13. Closed book

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    I just saw people being happy as themselves, a pride parade was trending on twitter and I saw so many people who were just being themselves and happy, and I realised I wanted that. Within a week I'd come out to my best friend and mum, but that's enough for me for the time being. Best of luck for when you do decide you're ready. :slight_smile:
     
  14. kscurious

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    My secret was eating me alive inside. I had pretty bad insomnia and couldn't sleep anymore. After I came out, i was still very much worried, but the world kept turning and civilization didn't end and here I am.
     
  15. A unicorn

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    Although I still don't have any experience with the same sex I came out when I actually had a story to tell. When I knew that it was not all in my mind and that the person I am dreaming of and flirting with is a girl that looks interested in me as well and that was the first time I felt that type of connection for real. That's when I knew I should tell my friends. First because I couldn't hide such a big aspect of my life from them and second I felt that having the courage to tell my friends would make me more brave towards the girl I like.
    But that's my experience with friends only and I am happy I told them cause now I feel closer to them than before. Cause they know it all haha. Family is an other story though. I don't think I am ready to tell them yet. I don't feel the need to. :lol: