1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Does it make a difference if I have a girlfriend or not?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by HerRainbow, Apr 25, 2017.

  1. HerRainbow

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2017
    Messages:
    251
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    Yorkshire
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    When I came out to my mum almost a month ago, one of the questions she asked was did I have a girlfriend. When I came out to friends they too asked the same question! So why would they ask that? Would it make me being bi easier to understand if I had a girlfriend?
     
  2. Creativemind

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2015
    Messages:
    3,281
    Likes Received:
    411
    Location:
    Somewhere
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It shouldn't make a difference, but a lot of people are ignorant. And especially with bisexuals; if you got a boyfriend, they'd just assume you were straight or that you turned straight. They want "proof".

    Pretty sad if you think about it.
     
  3. Quantumreality

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2016
    Messages:
    4,311
    Likes Received:
    329
    Location:
    Arizona, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey HerRainbow,

    As Creativemind said, most people are ignorant about sexuality.

    I often get the same (only opposite) question when I Come Out to friends and family: "Do you have a boyfriend?" I think it's a combination of disbelief (or even wanting not to believe) on their part and curiosity as to why we would want to Come Out or "come clean", as it were, if we weren't also involved with someone of the same sex at that time.

    To answer your question, though. It makes absolutely NO difference whatsoever whether you have a girlfriend or no. You Came Out to them. They can believe you or not, but who cares? At this point, they just can't claim to be surprised if you end up in a same-sex relationship. And that is probably one of the main reasons you decided to Come Out - just to feel free to be you without worrying about surprising friends or family if it so happens that you end up in a same-sex relationship. I know it was really my biggest reason for Coming Out.
     
  4. Dryad

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2013
    Messages:
    772
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    People ask me if I've had sex with a girl before. When I said I hadn't, they replied I was just "experimenting" etc. Now I've had, but I shouldn't be obliged to tell anyone. Experience doesn't equal orientation and one should believe what you tell them. If they questioned me, I'd turn the question to them. "Before you had sex with (member of the opposite sex) did you know you were straight?"
     
    #4 Dryad, Apr 26, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 26, 2017
  5. HerRainbow

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2017
    Messages:
    251
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    Yorkshire
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Yeah I guess it is sad because I know how I feel. So I shouldn't have to have a girlfriend to justify my feelings.

    ---------- Post added 26th Apr 2017 at 01:36 PM ----------

    My family don't want to believe and mostly don't believe that I'm bi. I don't even bother correcting them, just as long as they know, that's all that matters to me! My friends are somewhat curious to know why I came out and how I knew. I clarified it with them because they made me feel comfortable and I think they understand which is nice. They would still be okay if I had a girlfriend.

    And yes coming out has probably been the most liberating thing I've ever done! I didn't realise how much it held me back until I started telling people. Now I feel happy that if I was in a same-sex relationship, I could feel comfortable being me.
     
  6. HerRainbow

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2017
    Messages:
    251
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    Yorkshire
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Haha that's funny but very true! But it just seems intrusive and in poor taste that people would ask if you've had sex then say you were experimenting.

    Since I came out I've found that I have had to put up with questions like that too. I would love to turn them back on my family really :lol: but I'm just happy not to answer!