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Coming out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by kscurious, Apr 25, 2017.

  1. kscurious

    Regular Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hello everyone, I'm Daniel. I came out a few weeks ago to my parents and things did not go well. my parents refuse to acknowledge this. i am not the stereotypical gay. I might even be Bi but I have no idea. I feel attraction to women sometimes but not as strong as attraction to twinks. I'm really confused and wondering how I get my parents to talk again with me. I thought that by normalizing my gayness, it would show my dad that I maybe gay but it's not like i'm going to pridefest wearing a pink thong and unicorn horns lol. I just recently moved to chicago from Powderhorn MN, and am wondering where to go to meet people who might be able to give me a hand, sorting things out.


    With all my respect and love,

    Daniel
     
  2. Quantumreality

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    Q

    Hey Daniel,

    First of all stereotypes are just that. They try to categorize people. But each of us are individuals. There are femme straight guys. There are super masculine gay guys. Stereotypes are generally worthless.

    In terms of determining your sexuality, I have to say, unfortunately, that only you can ever know your own sexuality. And the journey to understanding and fully accepting your sexuality is only one that you can make yourself.

    We can help you with indicators and support, but neither we (nor anyone else) can actually TELL you what your sexual orientation is.

    So, if you think you might be bisexual, perhaps you'd like to watch these YouTube videos and see if they can help you clarify some things.

    Are You Bisexual - Quiz

    How to Tell if You're Bisexual - Is Bisexuality a Choice?

    After that, if you want, we can continue to discuss your sexuality issues and I'd be happy to provide some basic suggestions about where to find other LGBTQ people that you can interact with in real life.:slight_smile:
     
  3. kscurious

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    Let me clarify things for everyone reading this.

    I have always known I was different from other kids my age. I'm an introvert so naturally I'm shy. When I go out and I see an attractive male, I examine his body and his face and i get pleasure from doing so. I'm afraid of going to the club for one sole reason: the fear of getting physically hurt by saying the wrong thing to someone who is already "taken" and their date coming along and getting aggressive. I am not aggressive in the slightest, I am gentle and "soft" as my dad would describe me. But in actuality, I have to be STRONG to come out and not care what anyone thinks. But in the back of my mind, I DO CARE, I shouldn't but I DO and it drives me mad. I have one openly gay friend who I met through my sister and he (is taken) :frowning2: but he has been MY ROCK whenever I am in need of advice or just to talk to, he is always there. My sisters were supportive of me when I came out, but the rest of the immediate family (aunts, uncles and cousins) may not be. I wanted to tell my older cousin because I love and respect him, but am worried what he would think since he has a 5 year old son. I remember I called him and i was about to tell him when my breath just rattled with the weight of the words and he asked " Is everything alright Danny"? I have not told him to this day and I'm unsure if I ever will. I don't want to strain our relationship, since he's basically like the brother I never had and always wanted. Whenever I see a woman i find attractive, I feel I have to compensate now whenever i am with my dad. "oh yeah I'd like to fuck her" "She has gorgeous tits" but it all feels SO FAKE to me. I'm not that way. In private, as i scroll through Tumblr and see gay boys I let out a rush of emotions that I cannot do in public and I long to be with someone who is loving and caring to me. I have also tried ****** but I'm kind of wary of that. I have also tried to convince myself that I am straight and have tried to just forget about my feelings and repress them but that's easier said than done. I wonder sometimes, why me? I know that my father and mother will never accept me for who I THINK i am (his words not mine). When I came out he said "This must be God punishing me, the very thing you hate so much is in your house." That killed me inside when he said it and that night, I didn't sleep and all I did was cry in my bed, wanting to die.
     
  4. Quantumreality

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    Hey Daniel,

    I'm so sorry that your parents have rejected you simply because of your sexual orientation.:frowning2: Not that it helps, but they are the one with the problem, not you.

    In terms of trying to just find other LGBTQ to be around and hang out with, I would suggest that you find a local LGBTQ center and check it out. Also, you can look online for LGBTQ-specific groups such as sports groups, hobby groups, etc. Maybe you can find one that interests you and can join in.

    Just some thoughts.