Boyfriend Advice Please...

No advice from me, I am not the best person to give it, but I send you my support and hope that it all works out for you in the end.

Edit: Just saw your second post, public affection between same sex couples is still taboo and he may well have some hang-ups about that, I can understand that if it is how he is feeling. I know he is the older one but he might still have some stuff going on in his head that you have already come to terms with. Be patient.

 

I have these trust issues but I wouldn't recommend the things I do.

You could talk to him about it...
but that might not work, he might beat around the bush as being young therefore makes us useless to having a serious conversation.

I think you should let your defenses drop.
If he does it again. It's an experience which will only make you stronger.

You'll have better insight into what you've done wrong. (Not that it is your fault)
The next relationship could be better, because you have these defenses, and only when they drop do you know that this is the right guy.

You'd be surprised how common this is.

The reason he's probably a show-off in front of his friends is because...
they're his friends...that's what people do.

His friends don't want to see him sucking face with you.
Just like I don't want to see my friends doing it in front of me.
It's inconsiderate.

And with public affection, it is REALLY hard for some people.
I know I still find it hard. WAY hard.
It's just the fact you know people will be watching.
And you know that some of those people are going to disapprove.
Even the people who don't give a damn and are very open minded are going to stop and stare.
Not many people have seen same sex kissing before, so they will look.

Just give it all time.
See where it goes.
See if you can trust him again.
Maybe even try and squeeze why he initially broke up with you.

Good luck!

 

Hi and welcome to EC !
I won't really give you any advice, because any relationship is unique, but I can give you some thoughts.
First thing, you are both very young. You are both to an age where there is so many things to discover about the world, about feelings, about yourself, that everything can change very quickly. It's why beign a teenager can be so confusing sometimes, and beign a gay teenager is even more difficult.
I completly understand that you feel hurt about the fact he left you, and that it is still hurting you even if you are back together. One thing you have to know is that no relationship is a walk in the park. What you have to keep in mind is that a relationship is about two individuals who of course have feelings for each others but who also come in that relationship with their past, their fears, their insecurities, their whishes and hopes. Sometimes it is not easy to cope with all that things, for both partners.
I'd say that in your case it is even more complicated because you are teenagers, and it is not easy to built a relationship while you haven't finished to "built" yourself as individuals.
You might never know why your boyfriend broke up with you, maybe je will never know himself. You say that it makes you feel insecure to think he can stop loving you, but you don't know what the future is made of : you can stop love him too. I think the important thing is to focus on the fact that you are back together. Obviously, you care about each other and it is what matter. You can't change the fact you boyfriend broke up with you, but you can take care about your current relationship now you are back together.
One important, more than important essential, thing in a relationship is to communicate about you feelings. You can say to your boyfriend that he hurt you when he broke up with you, and also that you are happy that you are back together because you care about him very much.
Another thing you said is that you boyfriend doesn't want to express his feelings for you in public. It happens sometimes. Some people are very discreet and don't like expressing their feelings in public. It can be even more difficult for you as public affection between same sex couples is still not well tolerate in our societies. Give your boyfriend some time. Once again, you are both still very young and acknowledge that he is gay is one thing, but your boyfriend maybe not prepared to let anyone know it.
I wish you and your boyfriend all the happiness in the world.
Take care, Eleanor

 

The teen years are never easy, even for those people who seem to be having a blast. Everything seems to come at you so fast. I will tell you that life gets better. Your world grows. You’re going to find that in a few years time you are in a completely different place then where you were when you were 15. Confidence is an issue for everyone kids, adults, everyone!!!!!!!! With pop culture telling you should and shouldn’t do I can’t believe most people don’t rip all their hair out.
The best way I know to deal with confidence issues is to ask questions:
What don’t you like about yourself?
Why?
What DO you like about yourself? (don’t say nothing, that’s a load of crap)
Why?
What is it about this person that makes you feel good?
And is this just a substitute for something else?

I guess the long and short of what I’m trying say is to step back and look things. See what you don’t like. And remember you can change things for yourself.

(*hug*)

 

Well I have several thoughts.

First off (and possibly most minor) is that sex shouldn't be painful. Second off, and I feel contractually obligated to say this, and I know you're probably heard it a gazillion times before, but you two use protection, right? That is really crucial. Why? Well, it follows from what Eleanor Rigby said (and she made many excellent points) in that people come into relationships with all their own issues and insecurities. So if you are dating someone who dumped you after a week apart, you have to make room for the possibility that said person could cheat on you. I'm not saying you have to be paranoid about it but the most sensible and best thing you can do for yourself is to realise now that people are human, and very flawed (that part the Bible definitely got right, which is not something you'll hear me say very often *grin*), and even the best of people make mistakes, and cheating is a common one, and yeah, if you just always use protection, you'll be doing yourself a favour.

My main point would be that you talked about how your self-confidence began to build while you were dating this guy and then how it all disappeared when he dumped you. That wasn't actually self-confidence you were feeling. How do I know that? Because self-confidence is about the self--it's not something that disappears based on whether or not we find ourselves in a relationship or not. What you were/are feeling is confidence based on being in a relationshp. Over time, that may transform into something more internal that can be called self-confidence but honestly if all your positive feelings about yourself fled when the guy did, you weren't really experiencing an increase in self-confidence. You were just feeling good about yourself because you were in a relationship... which is totally understandable, normal, and awesome. But it's not the same thing as really believing in yourself. And it's important to recognise the difference because then you don't have to doubly beat yourself up if you feel shitty when you get dumped. Feeling shitty is normal. It's not any kind of failure on your part. ANYONE would feel like dirt being dumped like that, no matter how old or young they were. But feeling like that is kinda parallel to self-confidence.

And now the real crux of the issue, which is that he's your first boyfriend. You probably know, intellectually, because you sound like you have a pretty good grip on what's what, that statistically/realistically speaking, the likelihood any of us will spend our lives with our first boyfriends is... pretty slim. And the reason I say "intellectually" is because I know I was more than aware of that when I was first involved with someone--and it really didn't help me from falling head over heels, I will love you forever until I die for this boy. But the thing about first relationships is that none of us have any context for them, nothing at all to judge them by. We can't remotely see past them into a future when we're not necessarily still with that person.

It's a very all-consuming experience. It's part of being inexperienced--it's the only thing we have, and so it means everything to us. We can't see past its boundaries. But the fact that we're unable to see past it doesn't mean there's not a whole wide world out there past it.

You will, I guarantee it, never feel the same way about anyone as you do about your boyfriend. He's your first--no one else will ever be your first. You will remember him as long as you live. But not feeling the same about anyone else does not mean you won't feel just as strongly (or even more) for other people in your life. Every relationship we have is a totally different experience. But if this relationship does end, even though it will feel like your world is ending with it, in fact it's totally just beginning. If he can't express his feelings for you publicly, you will definitely find someone who can. You will have your hilltop moment.

 

wow you sounds so much like me...except i never got back together with the guy i had my first boyfriend at 16 and it got to the point where we said we loved each other. and it was great for about 4 months.then he went away,when he came back he said he just didn't love me anymore,i was soo confused coz he said he still found me really physically attractive,but didn't love me anymore. i had the same thing with the loss of confidence which had built up from the feeling that somebody had chosen to be with me and even love me.

Anyway yeah soz thats not really advice,just thought id let you know i can really empathise with you

 

awww thankyou (*hug*) yeah it can be rubbish but as you say the chance of the first one being the best are slim,and im pretty much ok now most of the time tho i think i probably will be much less open in my next relationship. But im sure you'll be ok and if you ever wanna chat,im always free (seriously,always on here to distract me from having to do school work lol )

 

tbh i think that you are back together, make the most of it, don't dwell on the past, isn't taking the risk that you might get hurt what love is all about??and in the end, if it doesn't work out, then you are 15 so u have loads of time to find the right guy, but i understand that you love him, so yeh just talk to him, tell him how you feel and good luck

 

I don't see what more can be said here D:
No more bumping if you don't mind.

Or ask specific questions.

Oooh I sound like mod.
I feel so cool!

 

Just move forward. Love is a fragile game, even the best of relationships have had their rockiest moments, and you will find that in the long run you both love each other and the past will seem insignificant.