(Yes, "those" crushes...) I'll try to keep this as brief as possible... So, beginning of the year, we got a bunch of new first year's in the residence I stay and of course on our corridor we also get a couple of new first years. As they're first years, they have to go through initiation throughout the year, and all the seniors are (supposed to be) mean and make them do work. I'm not one of those seniors, and I like meeting and getting to know new people. (Luckily I'm not the only one who thinks like this on my corridor). Let me quickly preface here and say that everyone knows I'm gay and are fine with it... Now, there's this one first year (two years younger, for the curious) and as the title suggests, I've developed one of "those" crushes on him. By "those" I mean, straight crushes... To help reduce the amount of pronouns, I shall name him Rocky. But, it just doesn't end here. Usually when this happens, I just shrug it off and get over it (tears in bed help), but this is different. He does and says things which make think different and then others things that make me just all the more confused. I'll try to shortly list some of them: 1) It was late at night, everyone tired but still up, I was standing in a doorway and suddenly I get this hug from behind. It was Rocky. 2) Most of us friends went out for the night and took these first years along. Sitting at a restaurant, I somehow ended up next to them (coincidence, you decide ) We chatted about how we get if we're drunk and I mentioned that I become VERY flirty towards men when I'm drunk. Rocky says: "I can't wait to see you drunk." I just say: "Yeh, I'll probably try to kiss you." We laughed... 3) After the autumn recess, as I walked back in the corridor, these first years run up to me to say hi and Rocky proceeds to hug me; and not in the bro-hug-one-hand-bang-on-back hug, two handed. 4) I've caught Rocky staring at me... You know, when you feel someone is looking at you and when you look at them, their eyes suddenly glance away. 5) We once sat and chatted until 4am, until both of us were really tired. He said that he's never been in love before... 6) Gay stereotypes (if all else fails...): Dresses very nicely. Has tonnes of female friends. Knows his musicals better than the average straight man. Loves reading. Loves interesting, non-commercial music. Now, that's five items that personally happened to me. The obvious things that put me off (and make me VERY confused) are: 1) During this year, he's had two (very pretty) girlfriends. 2) Obviously, he's never said anything about him being gay. 3) His mother is gay, so he might just be very friendly towards gay people! 4) He RECENTLY changed his Facebook to clear out Interested In:, and also removed his In Relationship With:... I suspect that you're thinking that I should just leave it. But, one phrase is stuck in my head: "You never know...", said by a friend when we were discussing whether or not one of our first years would be gay. I've discussed this with a couple of female friends and they all say that I'm not going mad, but can't be sure. One suggested that maybe this is the first time he's actually feeling something like this, as he's never been in love before. One moment I think I'm going to be over it, but then something happens (like the Facebook thing, which I saw tonight!) Basically, what this is boiling down to: How can I show Rocky that I have a crush on him, without blurting it out? Is there anything else I should be on the lookout for? Thanks for taking the time to read this!
I think I'm going to have to agree with your friend that said "You never know." It might be possible that this could be new to him and so he doesn't really know what to do. It sounds like he could be interested but you shouldn't get your hopes up. I'd say just keep talking to him, getting to know him more, hang out with him, and if it becomes something then great, if not then you have a good friend by your side. Either way, it seems like a good win-win situation. Hope what i've said helps any. Best of luck to you =]
I say continue building the friendship - go to bars, events, what have you. If something comes of it, then you'll be glad you pursued it. If it turns out he is straight, then you'll have a new friend who is supportive of you being gay (which is always a positive thing). In reading what you have written, it seems like he at least wants to be friends with you at a minimum - the hug thing would suggest something more. I am actually less convinced on the Facebook thing - I changed mine because I came to the belief that listing the relationship thing was a little tacky, not for any grander reason. Anyways - I'm here hoping for you that it goes well!
I say talk to him and tell him. TBH he sounds very into you and I think it'd be so lovely if you got together. It sounds like you get on so well, talking til 4 in the morning. It truly sounds like he feels the same way. The girlfriends thing is a bit... myeh... but tell him how you feel. And don't have tears in bed, baby. That sound really sad. Come on here and talk instead sweet, ok? Good luck and use protection xXx
I definitely agree that you should try to build your friendship with him. If you do, the worst that can happen is that you have a new friend. He could just be an affectionate person by nature, but maybe it's just with you. There's a good chance that he's straight (because let's face it, most people are), but there aren't any big red flags that have popped up for me so far. And as you said, you never know! Good luck!
For girls it's different because most girls I know love having me hit on them, but I'd say just be open. Don't flat out tell him, but be pretty obvious. Flirt with him and such, and see how he responds. Your biggest clue can be his reaction to your very obvious flirting.
I definitely think he could be gay. Also getting rid of Interested in on facebook is essentially saying "i'm gay" (at least for boys anyways) its almost a proved fact. PS I like that you named him Rocky, it'd be wicked cute if his actual name were Rocky.
Well I will say one thing, gay men in the closet, yeah they often date girls just to hide it if they maybe are slightly obvious or something and therefore need to hide it. The hugs do point to possible interest. And as for facebook well forget about that cuz it IS facebook, who cares, Facebook has become a way of life. There have been millions of guys who i was curious about just because they dont say interested in. To me who knows who is and who isn't. But just talk to him.
I say you're looking into it too much. you think he could be gay because you want him to be. When really there is a 1/20 chance that he is... Maybe a talk. Even ask him...
Thank you very much for the support. Honestly, I think I'm reading in too much... But, hey, one can dream! Just want to add one incident which I forgot to mention (not that it makes much difference in my opinion): 7) At the above mentioned restaurant, he wasn't sitting next to me at first, but as soon as the person who was sitting next to me got up to go to the restroom, he immediately switched places with him to sit next to me... Anyway, yes, I think I've only made a good new friend. I'll see how things progress during the year. We'll be living on the same corridor for the rest of the year, so no need to force anything! As for the crying in bed, I exaggerated a bit, but still lie in bed thinking about all those straight crushes that have come across my path. The name Rocky isn't his real name (yes, it would be very cute!), but the name does have some sort of association to him, so I don't lose track who I gave which name to! Thanks again for the support. Can't believe I don't post here more often... (eyes his join date)
I think next time you have a deep one-to-one conversation with him - say about dating or relationships - just say something like "You know, it's so hard to find good gay guys to date. If you were gay, I'd wanna date you in a heartbeat." That doesn't show crushinh, it just shows that you think he's a great guy who is (supposedly) not gay. It seems like you two are close and I doubt he would be offended if he's straight and you put it like that.
