27 very closeted gay. Never been in a relationship, and not in one now. I’ll be seeing most of my family and close friends during an upcoming trip through California. I think everyone just assumes I’m either ‘waiting for the one’ or asexual. Do I turn this trip into a ‘coming out tour’? I’ve never told anyone and the thought both terrifies me and makes me want to hurl. Despite this the thought of trying to hide a relationship, or repress my feelings and not having relationships at all seems to be an even more depressing. I want to be the one to tell all these people personally, and not have them find out some other way. Alternatively I feel like I’m rushing it considering there is 'no hard evidence', and I'd be literally having daily ‘coming out’ reveals which would be emotionally draining. Do I rip the band-aid and just do it? Or is this a recipe for disaster. (I'm self supporting, so if I had to cut-off people I'd be fiscally fine. I don't think I'd be disowned but I don't know that it'd be very embraced). Your advice is very welcome, as I mostly think about hurling when I spend too much time thinking about this. I can go into more details about all the thoughts running through my head but wanted to keep the initial post brief. Thank you kindly!
It might feel very tumultuous if you do it all at once. It's also easier to chicken out of all or none situations, since they are so big and intimidating. Maybe come out to a couple of friends or a close family member (who you can trust to not tell everyone) first? Starting with one person might give you more confidence or support to tell everyone/more people all at once. Or you could pull it all off at once. It could feel overwhelming, though, but if you think they will take it well it might not be that bad? Just some suggestions, I know everyone kinda has a unique situation in terms of coming out. Yeah when I first came out to someone I knew I did it over text and then spent pretty much the rest of the day panicking and crying. Feeling like barfing is normal. I felt like I was crazy. And you don't need evidence, just like they don't need to date anyone to prove they're straight.
Making yourself vulnerable helps you build self esteem, self worth, confidence leading you to love yourself. Coming out is one of the ultimate forms of vulnerability. If all other aspects of your life are in order, why not just do it? It seems to be building up inside of you. Sooner or later it will come out, whether you want it to or not. Might as well do it at your time and on your terms. You might be surprised at how well you respond to telling everyone!
I agree with what has been said above. Come out to who you're comfortable enough with to come out to. I can't speak for everyone, but coming out became easier for me after doing it a few times. You don't need 'hard evidence' (love the double entendre) to come out. You know who you are and that is evidence enough
So, haven't decided if I'm going to do the full 'coming out tour' yet. But thought I'd update to say that I told some friends, the first people ever, that I'm gay today. Their reaction and support was perfect. Still kind of feel like puking. Glad it happened though.
Haha yeah we have all had that feeling. Glad they were supportive. It does get easier I promise. As for coming out to all your family I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing, my only concern would be what if any of them react badly. I am not saying they will but I would only be concerned that if you are in a 2 week holiday and you tell them half way through and there is a bad reaction you might then be stuck in a less than ideal situation for another week. Perhaps if you do want to tell them, choosing a time nearer the end would be safer.
Glad that you came out to your friends! I'm 27 as well, and just coming out (except that I am married as well, no children). I've told 5 people, and it is getting easier.
I think it's way harder to impose rules on how you come out. I had rules about having to tell family first and after five years of admitting fully to myself I'm gay I've only told one. I think having rules is silly at the end of the day since it impedes your progress at getting to the end-goal but if you need them you need them. Regardless I'd consider being a little bit less strict on yourself. Tell a family member if it's a natural extension to the conversation, or make a joke about it to ease your way into the conversation. Don't tell a bunch of people at once unless you feel like it since it's super hard to do. I hope this helps you somehow.
