It just need to get this off my cheast cause it's filled me with such dread and despare that I just nearly started crying in the middle of work, I felt like my chest was actual ripping apart. ok you're probably thinking what on earth am I rambling on about; and it probably will be nonsensical drivle, but I need to say it all in one big go and evaluate if I am the worst person/friend ever. so... it all starts with my friend Natalie . . . it may seem like I'm telling you her life story, but it's needed. we've been really good friends for 4 years, we did our bronze and silve DofE award expeditions together and grew really close because of that. ok so recently, actually a couple of years ago now, she came out as bi to me and one of her other friends (Beth) who I went to primary school with and had loads of classes with, but who wasn't a good friend of mine, in fact for some reason she never liked me very much. but yh back to the story. then I outed her, I know I shouldn't have and I don't even remember how it came about or to whom, but I know I did. well yh she didn't like me very much cause of that, but we soon made up and were stronger than ever. so then she started going out with this girl she worked with (Kirsty), who's a really lovely girl. I went to meet her with Natalie the first time she was meeting her outside of work and Kirsty brought some of her friends and we all went to an over 16s live music place along the seafront. and their relationship started to grow. Natalie broke up with Kirsty a few times and one of these times that they weren't together me, Natalie, Kirsty and their work friend Emily went to the seafront together, and I was being really flirty with Kirsty cause I'd had a fair bit to drink and Natalie really didn't like that so then they got back together again. but then about a year after they first got together while she was still going out with Kirsty, Natalie started seeing these two other girls who were best friends (Georgia and (oh I've gone blank) we'll call her Sarah). right so all three girls were competing for her affections. but then she broke up with Kirsty again and started seeing more of the other two . . . at least that means she isn't cheating on anyone right?! hmm... well Kirsty who's slightly heart broken starts seeing this other girl (Julie), which makes Natalie jealous and start trying to build bridges with her again. so me, Natalie, Kirsty and Emily went to the cliff together (one of the local gay pubs) one saturday night. and Julie was there, so while Kirsty was that the bar she spoke to her and they kissed, then Kirsty and Emily came back upstairs to me and Kirsty, then Natalie and Kirsty started arguing and ended up kissing and making up, but not getting back together. well Natalie went home early, but I didn't want to go home, so I stayed. and was texting my ex gf, who had recently broken up with her bf. and she told me that I should of fought for her and that she'll always have feelings for me, but she sticks by what she said (it'll never work) so I was quite sad. anyway, as Natalie was going she saw Georgia and text me asking to keep her and Kirsty apart cause Kirsty blamed her for them breaking up. but I was upstairs and Kirsty and Georgia were both downstairs, I started to go to the stairs to get Kirsty, but she had already come up crying, so me, Emily and Julie comforted her. then decided to go cause non of us were in a great mood. as we walked over to the stairs to leave Georgia was there and grabbed Kirsty's arm saying she just wanted to talk to her but Kirsty shrugged her off, then she grabbed Emily's arm saying she just wants to talk to her but Emily got rid of her as well. then she was like Hannah come on, I need to talk to her, she was really drunk though and soon started asking me to buy her a drink, but I was like I can't I'm only 17, though I probably would get served and did earlier bit really didn't want to, then she was like I'll kiss you if you get me a drink, but once again I said no and she kept asking why (<slightly annoyingly) and then she kissed me anyway and being sad and having had a bit to drink I kissed her back, then she pulled away and said dont tell Natalie and I was like dw I wont, so she kissed me some more, but Emily had come back up and seen, then for some reason I let Georgia talk to Kirsty and then when Georgia had left Natalie text me calling me a bitch and stuff cause Georgia had told her what happened. so I fell out with her then, but I walked off and started crying one lunch and she text me telling me to come back, so I asked her to bring me my bag cause I had facewipes in there and needed to sort out my make up and it was all ok, I gave her a big hug and said I'm sorry. but then just a couple of days later if that Georgia started texting me and stuff and she asked me to tell her if Natalie says anything about her. and Natalie said "she's a whore who sleeps with everyone and I'd never go down on cause I'd be scared of catching something" and for some bizarre unknown reason I text Georgia telling her. she text Natalie confronting her and once again we fell out, but this time I also fell out with two of my other friends who I'd also been having the convo with. may I point out that I know I was in the wrong and as soon as I sent it I wished I hadn't so then after a couple of weeks I made up with Natalie and 1 of the friends, quite dramatically actually. but the other one, Beth, who I mentioned before, still wasn't talking to me. well it made me upset, but worse things have happened. a couple of weeks after and Natalie's been seeing Kirsty, but is hoping of getting with this other girl (Bexz) that she met recently, so I went with her, to the cliff (surprise surprise) to meet Bexz. on thursday night me Natalie, our other friend, her bf, Kirsty, Emily and Adam (Kirsty's best friend) all went to the cliff. Emily kept teasing me that it's really obvious that I like Kirsty and I told her that I have since we all went to the seafront together ages ago. and it was all going well, I saw one of my old best friends there, a girl who I used to sort of be friends with and a guy I used to work with who I absolutely love, it's just a shame that we never see each other. anyway it was going fine, me and Natalie went and sat outside so she could phone Bexz to check she's ok cause her nan's just gone into hospital, that very day. and after Natlie was saying to me she's realised which one she wants and that it's Bexz. so when I was talking to Emily and Adam we were talking about the whole situation and I repeated what Natalie said cause despite the fact that she'd said that she was still really flirting with Kirsty and I forgot that Julie was with us. and guessing Julie told Kirsty and I was texting Natalie about it, but then she just stopped texting me, and I couldn't figure out why. then last night I went to a party and Natalie didn't come, so a girl we're quite good friends with phoned her when we went out for a cigarette and said that she was stood there with me and another girl and Natalie told her to not talk to me and said that I've been shit stirring and that I told Julie what she said. I'm sorry I rambled on, I dont really know what I was on about or why I've done it, but I felt the need, if you've read this far then thank you very much and I would appreciate any feedback!
