Hi! So I'm ready to start coming out to my friends, but my parents want me to wait. I can't stay in the closet any longer though. I feel trapped. I would just come out anyways but I'm scared my parents will find out what I have done. I know my friends will be accepting so that's not an issue. Should I just come out anyways? Also I'd like to add that my best friend who lives long distance (moved a few years ago but we're still super close and see each other once a year) might be homophobic. I'm really not sure because she is a strict Mormon but it sounds like she ships a few gay couples. From what I can collect she's "tolerant" but not accepting. When I mention gay stuff she says it's fine but that they shouldn't rub it in everyone's faces. I'm not sure what she means exactly by that. :dry: I feel bad not being able to come out to her first, but I know it's possibly for the best. You see, I would just deal with the possible hate, but her mom and my mom are super close as well so I don't want to ruin their friendship. Help...
Is there a reason that your parents are wanting you to wait on coming out? I know that my parents wanted me to wait as well, but as time went on things started to come out so I had to come out. It's a lot easier to come out if you are able to have control on the information at first. So, if you don't know why your parents don't want you to come out, I would ask them that first. I would also try to explain to then that you are feeling trapped because you are unable to come out.
They said it's because I'm too young to know. But I know for sure and I've tried to explain this to them before but they still seem leery. I've asked permission before about two or three times but it's the same conversation. :eusa_doh: My friends seem suspicious, for example I talked about my crush one time and said, "You'll never guess who THEY are." and that made one of my friends ask me if I liked girls, to which I had to say no. :tantrum: Similar instances have occurred before. Thanks for the advice, it means a lot.
Your parents may be worried about you because some people act gay tolerant but will act differently once they actually find out a friend is gay. Also do your want everyone to know your gay? Can your friends be trusted. As for the homophobic friend decide do they really need to know.
Thank you. ^^^ I don't want the whole world to know, I just want to be honest with my friends. I've known them for at least 3 years with each of them so I know I can trust them. It's just with high school coming up which means a fresh start and dating and dances, I want to be able to have that out of the way. None of them are homophobic because a girl that used to hang out with us before she moved came out as panromantic to us, and all of them had a positive reaction. So that is why I want to tell them. Sorry I didn't tell this stuff earlier, it's a lot of information and I can't remember it all in one sitting. :rolle:
You say your parents think you are too young to know, but can you tell us more about their feelings? Were they annoyed or hostile when you came out to them? What do you imagine the consequences would be if you come out against their wishes?
They were completely fine with it, but it was like an "Ok, just don't tell people. Yet." But when does the '"yet" end is what I'd like to know. I asked them a week ago after a year of asking periodically and the answer was a no. I've asked when and they have no date whatsoever. As for consequences, they are fine if I come out to other gay people, for example I did eventually tell the girl who came out to us. They found out and were ok with that. I also told one friend since she was moving (Yes, a ton of people in my life have moved it's weird) but never told my parents about that. So I would guess no punishments, but a bit of frustration and a conversation. Maybe some "I told you so"s and no help if drama does occur.
Alright, you're probably aware of it, but you're the one here who gets to decide who you come out to. It's not a thing your parents can control for you, unless you ask them to, or unless they have real reasons based on arguments to let you know why you can't come out. It doesn't seem to be that way, as far as I've seen in this thread. Are your parents controlling of other aspects of your life? I'm just wondering. As for the "you're too young to know" thing, can you maybe direct your parents towards educational resources (PFLAG, etc..). Have they, themselves, researched things and educated themselves (even a tiny bit) on LGBT+ issues? What's happening is either that they're not ready, and feel very worried about giving you this little bit of independence that is coming out on your own without them deciding, or that they're afraid it could fall back onto them (for some reason; I know it would happen with my family). And finally, if you really want to come out to people, do it without your parents knowing, only know that they won't be here to help you if it goes bad. So, good luck.
