In the last 2 weeks I have been basically told by three different organizations that I am worthless and in some cases, unwelcome. Here’s the details: Water Polo-I am going to be the oldest member on the team next year, but because of my sexual orientation and Baylor being a Christian school my team mates will not let me be Captain. I was captain this year…before they put two and two together. But now it’s like, oh, well you’re a lesser person so we can’t have you be representing us, but if you want to come help the team during tournaments when we need you cause you’re actually good, sure show up! Society of Women Engineers-I have spent countless hours in the last 2 years putting things together for this organization. I worked my ASS off putting together fundraisers and our big Girl Scout badge workshop. I was treasurer this year and hoped to be Vice President next year. Now I know that being an officer may not seem like a big deal, but in a professional organization like this one it means a lot. My grades aren’t perfect and having this organization on my transcript is basically a godsend when future employers look at me. Now this one girl, we’ll call her Amanda* decided that since she would be a senior she needed some type of leadership on her transcript. She has always been a member because she paid the $20 national dues, but otherwise she’s been completely inactive and done nothing for the organization. Well on election day she brought 20 of her closest friends to elections (which you only have to be a member, not active, according to our constitution) and had them vote her into the VP position. It doesn’t help that she has backstabbed me before because she was a member of the sorority I’m going to talk about next. Everyone in the sorority knows she’s a manipulative person, but nobody thought her capable of any damage. We were wrong. So basically SWE has said “nope sorry, your work wasn’t great, so we’re going to put someone else in charge.” My Sorority-(I don’t want to put the name because I still love the sisterhood, just not their decisions) Basically we have 15 active members and 18 offices that head up individual activities all the way up to the executive board like Prez., VP, Secretary ect. Well with 15 and 18 you’d think that ok someone is going to get two offices. This is not too unusual because some offices overlap quite a bit. But at the end of elections I was the ONLY MEMBER left without an office. No joke, 4 members had 2 jobs, everyone else had one and I was left with none. This tells me that I spent my entire semester working my ass off, failing classes, and pledging the sorority for NOTHING. I dedicate my life to service, I figured a service sorority would be a good place for me to serve the musical organization I love. Apparently not. This was a last shove in the face saying “sorry, you’re worthless.” So I know that I am not worthless, but when three organizations, the only three you’re in, tell you they don’t have a need or a want for your membership you get just a tiny bit discouraged. I work so hard every day to be happy and outgoing, because naturally I am not. But when this happens, it just hurts. I don’t know what else to do. Next semester all I have going is being a member of the sorority. I thrive on being active, I do best when I’m busy…but now I have nothing. It’s like everything in life has been ripped away from me and now I have nobody to turn to for help and no way to give myself advice. Basically…help. I’m not in a good position. Last night, after mortifying myself doing something I promised myself I would never do, I was back to my old ways of being a 15 year old and thinking suicide was a good answer. Now, I’m old enough to know that it’s not an answer at all and I’m strong enough to resist hurting or killing myself…but I don’t know what else to do. I guess I’m just lost. Help.
Ugh, you'll be so much happier when you can move! (and let go of your religion, in my personal opinion)
I understand that you feel lost and angry. Keep in mind that you have been rejected by these people not because you are worthless, but because they are ignorant and intolerant. You have no grip on that. If, no matter hard you work for them and no matter how good you are at what you do, they don't want you just because of your sexuality, it is not you who are worthless, it is them. No I don't know what your current situation is, but I don't know if you can make this people change their minds towards you. From what you said, you have already done everything you could do. What I suggest is for you to leave these organisations and to join one where you could be accepted for who you are, like an LGBT support organisation. Take care, Eleanor
Ugh! They treated you like this just because you're a lesbian? I have to agree with Eleanor,it's THEM,not YOU. It makes me sick that these people call themselves "Christians" and treat another human being like this. I'm sorry for what you're going through. I don't know what to say,except,screw them! I know you have worked your butt off for them and now that they "think" you're gay,they treat you like you're nothing,but hold your head high,sweetie. Don't let ANYONE make you feel like you're a lesser person! It's on them. I still think all that you've done will reflect in your favor,when you seek employment. Everything you've accomplished will follow you. There is enough proof of your efforts. I know it's hard not to be discouraged,but you have your whole life ahead of you and what you do NOW makes just as much difference as what you've already done. A potential employer will look at your achievements and know that he/she has a hard working,intelligent person before them. Please,don't give up now. You have a lot to offer the world and these people, that are doing all this crap to you,just won't matter,in the future. Be proud of all you've done. Don't let these so-called "Christians" make you feel any less then what you truly are.
Thanks for everything ya'll have said. I know that giving up these organizations is probably the right thing to do. The problem with that is I can't leave... I have distanced myself from water polo until next spring I have decided to help with events where I am needed for SWE. This is a long story, but we put on an event for the Girl Scouts to keep girls interested in math and science as they get older. If I give up on SWE I give up on these girls. The kids are our future and here in Waco, nothing else exists to help them. I am in the process of making this GS event something held by the school of engineering rather than SWE, but that may take a year or two. Until then, I'm not giving up, because giving up has greater consequences than stayin in. I have decided to be the silent worker for my sorority. Come election time next year I will be able to specifically say things like I helped you with this, I helped you organize this, I was always there even when it was unnecessary. Basically, they have told me I'm worthless and I'm going to take it and prove to them that I am worth more than they think. This will prove to me that the reason they do not want me is because of my sexuality, not because of my personality or my ability. It's more somthing I need to prove to myself than anything. I think what pushed me over the edge in this organization is what I had to do last night, it could be considered hazing, but I will have you know it was willing under peer pressure. We had to make a dance as a pledge class. The five of us girls chose Brittany Spears' Oops I did it again. Not a huge deal, no raunchy dance moves, I made sure of that. But when it came time to decide costumes for the proformance at the dance last night, they wanted to do the slutty school girl thing. To me, this is just wrong. If it was innocent and no problems and no underlying meaning I'd be fine with it...that wasn't so. They made anything and everythign they could dirty and I was so embarassed you have no idea. These girls are supposed to be my sisters...you can only take fun so far. So basically I feel like, in this sorority, I can no longer gain respect or even hold my head up high, because I did something I promised myself I would never do. I gave in to peer pressure and let my belifs and my moral judgement be disreguarded. Lastly to Mickey: You have no idea how hard it is to believe that last line about the Christians. I consider myself a Christian, but I do not go to church because they do not want me. It took me years to come to this fact, but really I try my best. I am who God made me to be, nothing more nothing less. I make mistakes just like everyone else. But I had this promise with God and to myself that I would never do anything I believe to be morally wrong or hurtful. That promise has now been broken and all that's left is for me to find and pick up the pieces and hope superglue can put them back together.
Hey there. I'm really sorry that you've been treated this way. It does seem horribly unfair. But I have to agree with a couple of things already said... You don't have to have had an executive position to have something worth putting on your resume. Keep organizing events. Do it for purely selfish reasons. So you can put it on your resume. (Ok - helping kids is worthy too I suppose... :icon_wink). The people that are doing this to you in college are horrible people. Not everyone in life is like this. I'm going to assume it's just straight women who attend bible college. Ironic? I guess. But you'll find that in 'real life' you really do succeed based on your accomplishments, not necessarily on who you know or how many friends you can invite to a meeting. With respect to your 'hazing', don't worry about it. It really doesn't sound too bad. Some things are done as a joke, and really don't cause any harm. You're not really a slutty rock star. And pretending to be one for one evening doesn't make you a lesser person. I used to beat myself up for 'caving' in to peer pressure, but instead I choose to look at it instead as 'relaxing' and 'going with the flow'. Trying to go against the flow ALL the time is pretty tiring. You still have your basic values and morals. Maybe you can find other things to keep you 'busy'. It doesn't always have to be something with your organizations. It can be doing things with friends, or other charity work. Good luck. Just keep doing what you're doing.
