Okay, don't laugh at me now, but I seriously have fallen head over heels over this one guy. Now, this is my FIRST crush ever, and seriously, I mean ever...its serious, like I actually feel. If I wasn't gay, I would probably be nonsexual at all. But good lord, I never would have imagined that having a crush would be so...so...annoying.I suppose that is the right word to describe it, a constant feeling pressing in my chest, nervousness, I always want to look at him. Its so annoying, its driving me bonkers, I'm driving myself into a maniac state. Actually this crush has been going on for say oh....four months already? The problem is I don't know if he is gay. A lot of people theorize he is gay because of the way he is and other lofty rumors and such, but he doesn't say anything about his sexuality at all. I sort of believe he isn't gay to help myself get over him faster, but those damn rumors. I really hope he is. But then again, if he is, then I'm so not worth him. I've tried ever possible way to get over him, time, distance, trying to see flaws(there are none, and if any, they are adorable), feigned interest, everything. Why can't I get over this crush? Why the hell is this feeling so damn nice but at the same time so damn annoying? How in the world do I tell if someone else is gay(my 'gaydar' is broken as hell. It took me forever to realize Angel from Rent was gay)? How in the world do I get over my self confidence issues?:bang:
Hi there! Welcome to EC! Given that you don't know as to whether he is gay, it is always best to assume that someone is straight unless, they tell you otherwise. You have a couple of options. One, if he is a friend of yours, maybe try coming out to him. If you trust him and you feel comfortable with the idea of him knowing, then maybe this is something you could consider. Once you are out to him, you will see his reaction and he might also tell you more about him. Two, if you don't really know him, you could perhaps try talking with him more, and try to get to know him. Often when we get to know people more, we start realizing differences and often our picture of them starts to change and the feelings of having a crush can subside. Often our ideas about them and the things that we find so great about them are no longer as great because we really get to know them. 'Flaws' will become real. Right now, it is hard for you to separate your feelings for him from everything else, but as you get to know him, you might be able to put things into a better perspective. Your third option would be to keep trying to build distance and try to move on as best as you can. As it is your first crush it can be really hard, but you will be able to move on eventually. Maybe try to join an activity at school or try joining a GSA/LGBT support or social group at your school or in your community. In getting to know others, and trying to make new friendships, your mind will start to focus on these 'new' things going on in your life. Try to keep busy as much as possible. Perhaps spend a bit of more time with your friends. I hope this helps a bit!
I was typing out something LONG and AMAZING ....but i hit backspace and it all got deleted :headdesk: I DEDICATE THIS TO MYSELF: [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48rz8udZBmQ[/YOUTUBE] Anyways, ill just say this: NEVER think your out of someones league for the sole reason you cannot read minds. You dont KNOW what he would want in a guy if he was gay. Just because someone looks nice on the outside does not automatically result in them only wanting a guy who looks equally as nice. You will find when you get to know some more gay people that not all of us are that superfical. Sure, some are, but those are the ones you dont want to date anyways. I like to think of looks as being "The cherry on top" because ill NEVER date someone just for looking good! You want to find someone who you click with on a deeper level than looks if your aiming for relationships.
Well said Greg - I am of the similar opinion - get to know the guy before you judge what he is or isn't into. I had a conversation with a friend about this kind of thing only yesterday - I'll skip a lot of the back-story - but it relates to my limited experience of the gay club scene - I was asked "did anyone catch my eye" - and yes, there were some good looking guys there - but I'm more attracted to a guys personality than what he looks like (although a bit of hair on the chest is always nice to see :icon_wink) - but I'm not focused on appearances, I'm just not that shallow (although I know a lot of gay guys seem to put a lot of focus on appearance) - In looking for a relationship, someone I can enjoy the company of is more important - and you'll find there's a good number of gay guys who feel the same way.
Graci for the replies! I really am good friends with him, we talk often, we chat, we laugh. I connect with him in a lot of ways as a friend. I've never been in a relationship really at all . I'm sort of the guy in friendships that 'makes people laugh' so I'm not sure of my capabilities of recognizing what people look for in relationships(haha, sorry! I'm only 15). I haven't come out to any guys yet, and I'm nervous that by coming out, then he would feel uncomfortable or feel like I'm coming on to him or think that all the time I've spent and joked with him was actually flirting(some was, some not so much). Thank you for the advice Asteroid, and I'm keeping as busy as I can but it seems the farther away I am or try to be, I tend to crave for him more. But I will have to look for gay support groups in the area, I hardly know any gay people at all and the ones I do know don't get along with me(obviously, not adoring Prada and Armani really puts a couple of them off....). In response to Greggers and tm74, I know its really shallow, childish and absolutely horrible and senseless of me to think that way but I wish I could kick that nagging thought in the balls and let myself be more open to it. I will admit that his looks did catch my eye first, but as a character, he is absolutely amazing. Yes, I do question whether I'm worth it, both as a person and how I look. I definitely know that is wrong and thats why I hope in the future I can resolve that problem. I don't know what I have to offer to hold a relationship together. Haha oh dear I'm starting to sound like a sullen child, sorry about this, thank you for the advice though!
I agree with the above posters that not all gay guys base everything on appearance - personally, I find myself attracted to all kinds of guys, and I don't restrict myself to a certain "type." Other guys might want something very specific. You won't know unless they tell you or they ask. The best thing to do with this guy is to come out to him. That's the first thing. If you're not sure how he feels about gay people, bring something up regarding gay culture (Prop 8, Rent, anything) and gauge his reaction. If he reacts positively, you should feel a lot more comfortable coming out to him.
It's crazy how when you are going through something, there is always someone else going through like the EXACT same thing.....so am I. I am like 7 years older than you and I am for the first time expereincing my first true crush (or, perhaps it is the first one that I am actually conciously aknowledging--I so just spelled that word wrong but I am too lazy to type it in Microsoft word for spell check). The guy of my dreams pretty much. And yes, I look to his absolutely oustanding good looks as what attracts me. I know that is in disagreement with other posts here, but, whatever, I like what I like. So man, I know how it is, as I type. It's like you think about what you have to do today *then you think about him* and is it going to rain *then you think about him* and what phone calls do you have to make *then....you know.... so yeah I hear ya
Mark, will do, now I have to do it without arousing suspicion, haha (horrible actor) 3104, I know! Isn't it so aggravating? I mean here you are doing homework, cooking, cleaning or doing something and then BAM, image of him, smell of him, sound of him, feel of him. Yesterday, my serve was way off because as I was about to hit the ball, BAM, there is his smile in my image's eye. Needless to say, the ball went way off. Arghhhh, emotions, crushes, so confusing @_@
I HATE crushesPP especially when you know the person is gay! It's like you cooould tell them but you might not be good enough! I hate that feeling >_< But you don't look like you wouldn't be good enough for him! lol so no sweat!!
