So me and my gf have been together for 5 years, we were split up for a year when I was on drugs but we are back together. I've been attracted to both sexes for as long as I can remember but have only told a handful of people. I work in construction and couldn't imagine coming all the way out. We have a daughter together. Sometimes this wave comes over me, idk what to call it. But I just want to go out and be with a guy, then come back and still be in a relationship. I have actually done this a few times, then I feel shameful and disgusted. Id like to tell her I'm bisexual, but I'm not mentally prepared for her to know this. It's actually eating me up inside. Would it be normal to have a gf that lets you have sex with guys every now and then?? lol seriously I'm afraid of what I would think of myself and also my friends and family as well I've been hiding this for like 15 years and I don't know what to do. Any feedback is appreciated thank you
I did actually. Thank you. Still not totally sure what to do. I'm kind of a mess about all this, we are only as sick as our secrets and this ones pretty big to me.
Vicarious....Hi....I'm glad you found emptyclosets, there are a lot of folks here who have been through situations not unlike yours....I hope they will join in this discussion to help you out. I'm not Bi, I'm gay but the shame and guilt that we heap on ourselves is just the same. First of all there is no reason at all to be guilty because you are attracted to both men and women. Who you are attracted to is not something that you have control over. It is simply NOT a choice. How we act on those attractions is a choice, but the attraction itself is not. Since you have a child with this woman you do have a responsibility there to both her and the child, but that responsibility does not mean that you have to reject part of who you are. It will be tough, but the best choice in these kinds of situations is always honesty. Tell her you are Bi. She may not like the concept of you being Bi, but it's who you are. It's true that not many women - or men for that matter - can handle an open relationship. But I still think your best bet is to be honest with her. Tell her that you will meet your responsibilities as the child's father, but that there will be times when you will be involved with another man. Emphasize your love for your child, and if you have feelings for her, emphasize that too. If she can't accept that you are bisexual, then the best you can do is to continue to support your child even if the mother wants nothing to do with you. Hard advice....I know, but being honest and up front with her will be the best in the long run. Please, please....feel free to completely ignore my advice! It's your life and I may be completely wrong. So much depends on the personality of the child's mother and you. So what I said may be totally wrong for the two of you. .....David
