Hi Guys, I'm looking for some opinions on my current situation. I came out to my parents about a month ago, and things with them are awesome right now. I also have two brothers, and I have not come out to them yet. I considered telling them the same weekend that I came out to my parents, but I ended up putting it off. My new plan was to tell both of them when my little brother finished school for the term - which was this weekend. Now this weekend has come and gone, I haven't told them, though I'm sure they know that something is bothering me because twice when I was alone with them, I was kinda brooding and looking stressed out. They asked me what was bothering me and I just said "nothing" and changed the subject. Basically my desire to tell them has caused me to be stressed out around them now because that's all I can think about when I'm with them. I spoke to my Mom about how hard it is to tell them, and she doesn't understand why I'm putting so much pressure on myself to tell them now, seeing as how there is no reason forcing me to. This got me thinking: My original reasons for coming out to my parents were that I wanted to get out there and start meeting other gay guys, but I was scared someone would see me and that word would get around to my family, so I wanted them to hear it from me before that could happen. Now that I've told my parents, and I have that outlet for talking about all this stuff, I'm wondering what I'm waiting for. Technically I could start "getting out there" and if ever I'm seen or I meet someone, THEN I can tell my brothers. On the other hand, I love how comfortable I feel around my parents now, and would love to extend that feeling to include the rest of my family. So I dunno...I keep flipping back and forth on the issue. What do you think? Am I just procrastinating something I know will be unpleasant? Should I just tell my brothers and get it over with? Or should I just focus on me and my happiness for a while, and tell my brothers down the road? Secondary question: On the issue of getting out there and meeting people...how can one go about this safely!? I'm too afraid to just visit a gay bar (or someplace) by myself! I'm gonna check back through some older posts as I'm sure someone has already answered this question.
How old are your brothers? And whats their opinion on gay people? Seems from what you've posted they already have some idea, and are just waiting for you to tell them. I'd suggest telling them separately aswell, so they can have their own time to react, without trying to 'look good' in front of the other.
One is 28, one is 23. They have no idea I'm gay...they just know that this weekend something was bothering me. The younger one probably won't have a problem with it. He actually has a gay friend at school. The older one isn't anti-gay or anything...but he's kind of a traditional guy and I think he'll have a hard time with it. That said, the three of us are very close...so I'm hoping since it's me, they'll be supportive.
Well you know your brothers better than anyone, so only you can really decide. I'd tell the younger one first, he'll be a big help when telling the older brother! If you guys are as close as you say, it shouldn't be a problem anyway
I'd also agree with telling them, if and when it feels right to you. Telling my sister was really tough for me, but I got one of the best reactions I ever had, and it's great to have someone around my age (not parents) to talk to about it, other than friends.
I'd tell the younger one first and then the older one since it might be a little easier....best of luck.
^ agree tell younger brother first then older your familly love you and support you you will be fine. why not go to a gay bar with your brothers mate? he prob knows places and you two could go have fun
Get it over with. Yes - you WILL feel much better afterwards. With respect to meeting other people - yes - read some of the other threads. There are LOTS of suggestions. And yes - lots of things other than going to a gay bar. You're not just gay sexually. You're gay socially and emotionally. And the bars are often too 'sexually-charged' for you to feel comfortable. (In my opinion.) Meet people through other friends - like your brother's gay friend! Why not? Or local gay social or support groups. I actually met friends through an online ad that stated just that. I posted as a 'gay dad' and was looking for similar guys in my situation. And I found some. You likely don't need to go that route - as it will be easier for a gay single guy to get out and attend events. Good luck!
