1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

i might be outed soon

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by hailsithis, May 11, 2017.

  1. hailsithis

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2017
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minneapolis, MN
    (i'm trans ftm)
    so a while ago my friend almost outed me to this dude but i managed to interrupt her before she did but i think the dude got the gist of it.
    yesterday my boyfriend went off on this other dude for making fun of my arm hair. he used male pronouns through all of it and i am almost completely sure that he knows that i'm trans. i'm not sure if he's going to out me to everybody and i don't know what i would do if he did. i'm only out to my closest friends and am not ready to come out to anybody else.
    what do i do?
    do i bite the bullet and come out to everybody, despite not being ready, or do i wait and get outed?
    please help
     
  2. astriferous

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2017
    Messages:
    79
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    You should probably have a talk with your friends about what they should and should not say around people that don't know (that they should call you by different pronouns in public, etc). If you tell them how serious it is to you to be outed without your permission, good friends would probably pay heed. You don't have to make yourself completely out before you're ready. If you don't feel ready, don't force it, and confirm with your close friends that you are not comfortable being outed like that.

    Also, I can't tell by your post if you already told your boyfriend or if he just figured it out, but if he already knows and might out you without your permission, you should probably talk to him too. If you didn't tell him but he knows anyways, and is in danger of outing you, talk to him anyways and make sure you don't feel like your close friends and boyfriend are about to unceremoniously out you.

    If this feels like the right time to bite the bullet, go ahead, but if you don't feel ready, I wouldn't suggest making yourself come out.