[Don't feel obliged to read the whole thing if you're uninterested] Let's start from the beginning. I started feeling attracted to people when I was 12. I didn't really pay much attention to this at first, but once I did, I found myself looking at both guys and girls. I was (and am) being raised in a Catholic home, so when I was younger, I blindly accepted the church's viewpoint without thinking about it for myself. As such, when I found myself attracted to guys, I would force myself to look away and discipline myself. I ended up shoving that part of me deep down for quite some time. I didn't give much thought to sexuality for the next year, but then my friend asked me what I thought about gay marriage. I automatically told him that I disagreed with it, and he told me that he does agree with it. This was the first real discussion I had about homosexuality, and it really got me thinking. Eventually, I came to my own conclusion that homosexuality: if 2 people love each other, who is anyone to say no to that? My old bisexuality came creeping back in after I stopped suppressing it. It's important to note in my story that I'm an athlete. I play football and wrestling, the latter of which, frankly, involves seeing lots of naked guys in the locker rooms and rolling around on the floor with other men while wearing exclusively spandex. While I'll admit that I can't stop myself from taking some looks in the locker room, I don't sexualize the sport itself. More on that later. Here's my family: Mom: Against homosexuality Dad: Okay with homosexuality, hates political correctness Sister: Can't keep a secret Mom's extended family: VERY MUCH against homosexuality Dad's extended family: ??? Obviously, my mom and her family won't be happy about this. With my dad, it's a bit more complicated. Like my dad, I also have a dislike for political correctness, but I feel like that'd be hard to convey to him as I feel he'd view coming out itself as "PC." My dad has made several remarks that make me feel even more uncomfortable about coming out such as "any girls you interested in?.. Or guys if that's what you become." While my parents constantly stress that they love me no matter what, I definitely feel like they'd think less of me. Back to the athletics. I'm not sure my parents would want me to continue wrestling if I came out to them. Afterall, it's pretty much the stereotypical gay sport. Even if they were to understand that I don't sexualize it, I still think that they'd want me to use a different locker room. That doesn't seem so bad at first, but I'd eventually have to explain my absence from the locker rooms to the other wrestlers, and our wrestling team is somewhat homophobic. Another thing I don't like the sound of would be restrictions to friends. My parents are the overprotective type who don't let you be alone with someone of the opposite sex, read all of your texts, make a big deal about love interests, no dating until 16, etc. As such, I'm currently not allowed to be alone with girls. If I were to come out, though, I feel that they would extend this rule to everyone, and as someone with mostly male friends, that doesn't sound good to me. Of course, I could use the argument that as long as they're not gay, what's the problem? Do you not trust me to not rape them? However, I don't feel that they'd respond well to that. As far as coming out has come, I'm only out to a few people. I came out to one of my friends, and in response, she came out to me as bi. Obviously, I can't expect things to go that well with my parents, though. At school, I'm in a glass closet. If (almost) anyone asks me about my sexuality, I'll tell them, but I don't go out of my way to come out to people. I've also come out to a random few people on the internet. As of right now, I don't know how or when to come out. Because of the consequences (them thinking less of me, potentially getting shunned by extended family, locker room complications, hanging out with friends), I'm leaning towards not coming out until I leave for college. It's a hard call for me. Thanks for listening to my rant! Any suggestions?
Hey don't worry about the rant, sometimes getting it written down can help get it out. It's a difficult situation. I think for me if possible I would wait until I went to college, that way if they react badly you at least have some space. Other people may disagree though so see what they say.
Hey Joyful, Welcome to EC! You should only Come Out if/when you are comfortable doing so. I believe it is important that you understand and are fully accepting of your own sexuality before Coming Out because any doubts, rejection or even just ignorant remarks from people that you Come Out to could cause more questioning if you aren't secure with your own sexuality. From what you wrote, you seem to be accepting of your sexuality. It's always your decision if/when you want to Come Out to someone. It can be helpful to make a list of pros and cons when considering Coming Out to someone - much like you have done in your original post. If there is any possibility that either of your parents I'd also say that one thing that you can't put on yourself is whatever your parents' reactions might be to your Coming Out. If either of them are disappointed, that's their issue, not yours. You will have to live your own life. It also sounds like you will need to educate your parents about having an LGBTQ son. Chances are that your parent's issues are mostly tied to ignorance. When you are ready to Come Out to them, maybe have some information available for them to read, such as the Our Children pamphlet from PFLAG. Just some thoughts.
Don't worry about your "rant" I'm like that all the time, lol. I'm not sure how old you are, but it seems mid-teens? If you're 15 or 16, then I'd say wait until college, but it's really up to you. If you're a little younger than that, then you should come out whenever you feel comfortable...or at least so you don't explode from frustration. If you find a boyfriend or girlfriend that's supportive, then you could come out to their parents, and then your own. It's really up to you. I always try to tell friends I know are supportive, then people I'm not sure of, and then my parents. I'm kinda on step 2 right now, but make sure that you don't rush yourself. Go at whatever pace you're comfortable with. I always like to take a break from telling someone if they're a little cynical or homophobic, but that's just me. In general, good luck! Hope you don't stay sad for too long,
Thanks for the advice everyone! :] I have 3 years before college, and I definitely feel like I could wait right now. I haven't been restricting how I act at all, just hiding my attraction to men, so I don't feel stifled. Right now I'm thinking that I'll wait to come out unless I end up with a boyfriend. As for educating my parents, I definitely think that I will have to. Neither of them so much have a gay coworker or friend. I definitely think it'll take some coaxing to get them to come around to though. My mom doesn't like homosexuality for religious reasons, which are really quite frustrating to argue against. "If there is any possibility that either of your parents"... I'm going to assume that you were going to ask me if there's any way that they could kick me out or something, I feel confident in that they wouldn't do that at least. ;] Thanks again!
Ooops, my bad. I guess that my text got cutoff somehow. But, yeah, I was going to say if there is any possibility that either of your parent's would disown you, you should probably just hold off until you are living completely independently without relying on them for direct support. In terms of the religious issues, there are a couple of threads here on EC that might help you with that: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexual-romantic-orientation/49316-my-advice-about-being-lgbt-christian-very-long.html http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexual-romantic-orientation/65350-bible-tells-me-being-gay-wrong-now-i-just-dont-know-what-do.html#post1101418
