I'm beginning to feel more and more of a need to talk this over with my husband. I call him my husband because our divorce hasn't went through yet, but we filed months ago and have been living separately since last July. I learned in September he didn't want to continue the marriage. (I was beginning to question more strongly but was going to a lot of trouble to stuff it). But we still share a lot of stuff. When I visit with the children he has to be there (because of my attempt last year- DHS rules for now.) I call the house every night to talk to the children. He gives me money by unofficial agreement, because our alimony agreement is through our divorce and that hasn't came through yet. We still share some possessions, accounts (like the Amazon account, for example), and I am still the representative payee for our daughter, even though I don't have custody. We're untangling things, but it takes a while. He's became more and more distant as time has gone on and while at first I was hopeful we could maybe fix our marriage now I know that probably isn't going to happen. But I also don't want him to find out from someone other then me, or worse, from my Kindle or my movie selection, about my exploring my sexuality. But he is making it impossible for me to talk with him. He has a job where he drives around a lot, and he is completely free to bring whoever. He often has brought the older kids. I've asked if I could come with him on a shorter trip (like an hour from the house) so we could have time to talk. No. I stopped getting a sitter to have lunch together when it became obvious I was the only one who cared, and the last time I asked him if we could go out and talk he said no. :bang: He said he's not interested at all in discussing anything until DHS is out of our lives, and he's got more distant as time goes on. He technically hasn't taken back his statement that he wants to maybe work on things once they are gone but he doesn't even tell me he loves me anymore, and when I realized that I stopped telling him. I know he does; in the sense I will always love him- we've spent our whole adult lives together, we have several beautiful children together. But in love with me? No. Anyways, I don't want him to find out accidentally. But I'm tired of having my life on hold. I want to start meeting people. I'm feeling ready to maybe come out to a few people, or at least begin to head that way. I'm meeting someone I connected with online and we're meeting just as friends, but it's made me realize how easily it could be something else. Do you think, given his refusal to meet with me alone, it would be acceptable to come out to him in a letter? Or should I just go on with my life and keep it very discreet until our divorce is finalized. I do have some concerns that shared custody will become an issue once I come out to him. We've raised our children to believe homosexuality is wrong and I'm sure he would feel he needed to protect them from me.
