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Advice on my mom!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by SixFlags, May 18, 2017.

  1. SixFlags

    Regular Member

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    Hey y'all!

    So I need a little advice or maybe comfort, idk.
    I'm gay. My brother recently came out as bisexual(mostly guys) to my parents and they took it pretty well. My dad fights for trans rights at his work and he was really accepting. My mom, however, said "she loved him no matter what" but she just doesn't understand it. She just grew up differently. She basically doesn't understand the logistics or whatever.
    I'm eventually gonna come out to them. I'm scared that she's gonna be disappointed, not in me, but in the fact that she's never gonna get a daughter in law. My friends tell me that's her problem to work through, but it still makes me feel bad.
    Any advice or wise words? Thanks!
     
  2. Quantumreality

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    Hey SixFlags,

    You just have to be who you are - as your brother is. A LOT of us (LGBTQ people) worry that we will disappoint our parents because we won't live up to their expectations. Well, guess what. Regardless of whether you are straight, gay, or bi, you ONLY have to be you. Does your mom (and probably your Dad) want grandchildren? Well, your purpose in life isn't to live up their 'expectations.' Overall, they just want you to be happy.

    Having said that, if either (or both) you and/or your brother want children, there are so many ways to do that even for same-sex couples. I would bet, based on what you've written here on EC, that your parents would be totally and accepting of any children that you and/or your brother chose to raise, regardless of genetics.

    Don't draw yourself down one way or the other if you won't ever have children in a traditional heterosexual family environment. Or even if you never have children of your own. That is your parents' dream, not necessarily your own. Just be you. And live your own life. If the way that things develop as you become satisfied with living your own life can also satisfy 'expectations' from your parents, then cool. If not, so what? You have to live your own life in the longrun and the main thing that your parents should want for you is that you live a happy, satisfied life. For most parents that far surmounts the wish to have grandchildren, etc.

    My 2cents.
     
  3. Calf

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    There probably isn't much advice that can be given here other than what Quantum already said - just be yourself and be happy.

    You said that your brother recently came out, are you out to him? If not, would you feel more confident to be open with your parents if you approach him first for support?

    Whilst it sounds as though your parents will be reasonably accepting, I appreciate the concern because you maybe feel like your parents last hope at a daughter-in-law. If this does get brought up as an issue then it's something that you'll just have to let pass because it's a problem of your mothers, not yours. There's no use in being confrontational about it so try and be sympathetic but stay positive about your own future. After all, your partner (male or female) should be the person to make you happy, not your parents.