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Help a guy out with his mom?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by AaronOfOlympus, May 19, 2017.

  1. AaronOfOlympus

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    So my mom is one of those kinds of Christians; the kind that thinks LGBTQ+ people are bad. I've been trying to educate her a little bit more and change her opinion on this matter without outting myself prematurely. She once said she'd love me no matter what, but it's hard to trust that, y'know?
    Right now, I'm pushing to get my hair cut so I can pass better, and she's getting suspicious. I really want to be able to come out to her before I move out in 2 years, but I'm a bit scared of what she might say or do.
    I'm just really confused about what I should do and I would love any advice I could get.
     
  2. AlexJames

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    Honestly i wouldn't tell her until after you move out. If she has a bad reaction, that could get awfully hard to live with. Worst case scenario you could get kicked out, but even without that you could end up basically living with a bully. There's a chance she'll change her opinion because its you, eventually, or that because its you her child she'll tolerate it...but i just think its too risky to do it if you're still very much dependent on them and think she'll react bad.
     
  3. PatrickUK

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    I agree with the previous posters cautionary words. If you are unable to predict how she will react, now might not be the right time to come out. Could you face two years of drama and tension, living under the same roof?

    I would suggest you use the next two years to really get things together and plan your coming out as best you can. Check out resources for parents and family members - like PFLAG. Do some reading and research on the religious arguments and objections and then look at the counter arguments... your mom might be that kind of Christian, but there are plenty of Christians who are not that kind, so how does that work? Think about all the questions your mom will ask and get your answers fixed firmly in your mind. In other words, be productive over the next two years so it doesn't feel like time wasted. Coming out is a process and we can do it well and try to get it right and be persuasive or we can do it on a whim, with no preparation at all and just keep our fingers crossed that it works out fine. In my opinion, it's better to prepare.

    Is your mom suspicious just because you want a haircut, or is she suspicious because you are pushing for quite a masculine haircut? I can understand your desire to pass better, but try to tread a careful line, if you can. How much can you get away with before it will open the can of worms? Not passing is hard, but tension and hostility at home is incredibly hard too and you don't want end up in a situation where you have the worst of both worlds.
     
  4. WeDreamOfPeace

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    Be seriously careful. Thought my father was totally LGBT positive until circumstances came about where he asked if I was trying to tell him if I was gay. I said no, he said good.

    Could be wrong, but it does sound risky. I also would love to tell my father that I'm trans within the next three years, but is easier said than done :grin:

    Understand what it's like to walk a thin line between being discovered and being yourself. Be patient :slight_smile:

    Nice on the gentle re-education though.

    Peace hope and world domination.
     
  5. Hunter8

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    Aaron, I'm a Christian too, and I know for sure one thing. Your mom may have some beliefs that you and she do not see eye to eye on. Possibly, those divergent beliefs could become more unified over time, or they may not. But what matters most is that your mother will never stop loving you no matter what. She will not abandon you, and Jesus will not abandon you either. I understand that telling her must seem a Herculean task, but fear always grows bigger and more noxious when it is kept in the dark.

    Be honest with your mom. It may hurt both of you. In fact, you should likely expect there to be some pain. But embedded in that pain will be a healing dose of honesty and transparency between you two. She is your mother; you are her son. That bond is big enough to overcome anything else in the way. Waiting to be honest with her only after you've left home deprives you of what could be a much stronger relationship with your mom right now.

    None of us are promised tomorrow. Be honest today, and let love do its work.