I'm really starting to regret coming out last year. I came out almost immediately after I realized I was gay, but lately I wish that I had kept it a secret. My parents used to be homophobic but now they're okay with me being gay. Just to give you an idea of how far they've come in terms of accepting me, I was watching the Billboard Music Awards last night and my Mom casually asked me if I thought Ed Sheeran was good-looking. And I know that I should be relieved that she is comfortable enough with the idea of me being gay to actually ask me that. But I felt awkward and told her no (even though I do think Ed is attractive) and felt gross about myself for the rest of his performance because I didn't like the idea of my parents thinking I could be attracted to a guy...so yeah, I clearly have a lot of internalized homophobia that is a result of many years in a very homophobic environment. And I honestly feel like it's never going to go away. And it makes me wonder if it would've been better for my mental health to wait until I was more okay with being gay on a personal level before I started coming out to my parents and other people...ugh, idk. Thoughts?
It may sound difficult now, but if you surround yourself with casual gay-positive media that normalises and reassures your identity, it will be a big help! How much gay positive media/community do you surround yourself with?
Hey daughtry, It is what it is, right? You're Out and that's not going to change. Is it? So you have to adapt and live your life. Having trouble talking to your parents about your romantic interests isn't very unusual, regardless of your age or sexual orientation. It is nice, though, that your parents are getting so comfortable with accepting your sexuality. In terms of internalized homophobia and shame, have your read this blog? Just some thoughts.
First off, do you really find Ed Sheeran attractive :O ???? I'm kidding haha. Seriously, I think you did the right thing by coming out, you may feel uncomfortable for the moment but coming out is actually what is going to help you process the idea of being gay much faster. Also, you don't have to hide anymore, which is really great. Anyway, what is done is done. Of course you are gonna get rid of that internalized homophobia! I did and I was raised in a suuuuper conservative environment like you, so sure you can ! You just have to give yourself some time, it's not gonna happen overnight. Surround yourself with open minded people and make some queer friends, it's the best to internalized homophobia. Good luck my friend
Hey, it might now have seemed like a bad idea, but from the looks of it, it went pretty well. Your parents sound like they've accepted it, which is good. Even if you're not comfortable with your sexuality now, you have taken a big and important step that you can be proud of. And if you are having trouble coming to terms on a personal level, like 18breanna said it's a good idea to take in gay-positive media. And always remind yourself that there's nothing wrong with you.
I know it's embarrassing, but your mom was trying to find a way to connect with you. That's a very good thing, especially because of your concerns over their acceptance level. It's rather remarkable that your mom was so open with you. This is all normal, and you shouldn't take it as a sign that you shouldn't have come out. It sounds like you did the right thing, even if it has its awkward moments now and then. In time, you will likely be able to share more of yourself with your parents. Just give it some more time. Take care. ride:
