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What should I do?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Mason, May 1, 2009.

  1. Mason

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    Ok, so, I have a friend who I've known for about 5 years now. He was the reason that I first realized I was bi, and I've had a crush on him for about 4 years. He's one of my closest friends, and I'd rather not have these feelings towards him, but I don't know what to do to get them to go away. We dated for a week, but it didn't work out, so we decided to just leave it at that. I was hoping that my feelings would go away soon after, but they haven't. I know that he will never have the same feelings as me, and sometimes I let my feelings get the best of me and I end up saying something I shouldn't to him, or something that's really mean, or stuff like that. I really don't know what to do. These feelings are tearing me up on the inside. Any ideas?

    P.S.- If the person who this is about is reading this at any time, don't be mad at me.
     
  2. Colly

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    Normally, when I need to tear myself away from a crush - I distance myself from them. That's gonna hard, since you're good friends with him too.

    Focus on your friendship, and how much you don't want it to be spoiled. if you find your thoughts wandering, try to center them back in on the fact that you don't want to risk losing someone special to you.

    Hope this helps.
     
  3. Mason

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    It was a nice suggestion. Thank you. ^_^ (*hug*)
     
  4. The Enigma

    The Enigma Guest

    Most people say distance yourself. However, I'd do the opposite. If you distance yourself too well, you may end the friendship. And that's something that can be even worst. They may think you're avoiding them and such. I recommend reaffirming your place as a friend. Or find a new friend or someone else to crush on.
     
  5. xequar

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    This is a sticky situation, but I agree with Enigma on this one. If you start to distance yourself, your friend will possibly think that your failed attempt at dating has left you with some residual anger toward him and that you want to end the friendship.

    The rough part is that it will take some time to get over, but if you keep reminding yourself that you and he weren't compatable as a couple and it's better if you remain friends, that should help.

    (*hug*)
     
  6. stratavos

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    yeah... find a new object of disire (get a new crush boy or girl... if it's a boy then it should be easier to put the friend back in the position of friend). that way you'll still have the friendship.
     
  7. Eleanor Rigby

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    I can relate completly, I have been there and I understand how you feel. (*hug*)
    I agree with what have been said above about the fact you should focus on your friendship. But I personnaly think you might put some distance between you and your friend. I know you value your friendship a lot and I am sure he does too and I don't think it will harm your friendship if you take some time for yourself as long as you are honnest with your friend about your feelings.
    You said you had dated for a week which means your friend is aware that your feelings towards him had been more than simple friendship and I am sure he can understand that your feelings for him are still the same for the time beign. There is nothing to be ashamed of. I think you can just talk to him and explain that you still have love feelings for him, that it hurts you and that you need some time for yourself, and reassure him about the fact you value your friendship very much and that you always be here for him, but that right now, you need a bit of space.
    I would never said too much that the key of any kind of relationship is communication.
    Take care, Eleanor
     
  8. jcoventry1

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    i would have to say it would be a good idea to sit down and have a chit chat with him, just explain that you do still have the feelings for him but that you understand it wont work and that you want to stay friends. ask him to be understaning and patient while ya sort yaself out, distanceing yourself wont work hunny, you'll lose him as a friend
     
  9. Miles D

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    find something else to immerse yourself in! not necessarily another crush... maybe start an independent study project.
    pick a topic and devote your live to studying it!! so, I see you like cooking... cook in all of your spare time! focus your attention on something else besides your friend. :grin:
    good luck! (*hug*)