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Bad at talking...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by paytah, May 1, 2009.

  1. paytah

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2009
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    Location:
    New York (upstate)
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm extremely bad with any kind of confrontation or conflict (or conversation initiation), so hopefully you guys can help me out some.

    The girl I like is someone who's been a friend of mine for a while. The thing is, we're both away at school and don't really see each other except on breaks and in the summer. I was one of the first people she came out to about three years ago and we always have really good conversations (she doesn't know a thing about me unless she's guessed). We sort of have an on and off close friendship where we'll talk about everything for a while and then have a tendency to drift apart, but mostly just because of the distance.

    Anyway, in March we started talking again, about anything and everything. It's sort of frustrating, because I know that I could never have an actual relationship with her (can't do long distance/I'm not what she wants), but I do really like her both as a crush and a friend. She came to visit me and another friend of ours at my school about mid-march, and on the last day of her visit just shut down and wouldn't talk to anyone. I don't think it's something that's my fault, because I'm pretty sure I didn't do or say anything (beyond general awkwardness). She's talking to other people again and is perfectly normal, but not so much to me. I don't know how to start a conversation because I feel that saying: "Hey, how are you, why'd you go crazy that time you visited?" is a terrible way to start talking (this is an extreme example, I'm not that socially awkward).

    She's usually the one who initiates conversation and wants to talk to me about things going on in her life and I really like being able to help. It's as though I've lost something, and I feel like its contributing to this depressed-but-in-denial-until-after-finals state I've been in for a while. I want to talk to her, but I don't know what to say. It's also frustrating because since coming to terms with the fact that I do like girls the stupid crush has only gotten worse (and won't go away). I'm going home pretty soon, so maybe I'll be able to sort through all this then. Right now I'm just tired of worrying that I did something wrong. :bang:
     
  2. Jim1454

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    You can't do anything but be honest and open. You certainly can call her or write to her and say "Hey, how are you?" without carrying on to talk about her being crazy! Perhaps she has been too embarassed to talk to you because she knows she didn't behave well the last day she was with you.

    So just reach out and say hello. I bet you'll fall into the same pattern of communication that you had before. If not, then you might have to be the one to go out on a limb and ask her if there was something you said that bothered or offended her.

    What's the worst that could happen by saying those things?

    What's the worst that could happen if you DON'T go to the trouble of reaching out?

    Which of the scenarios has the worst possible outcome? I bet it's the second.