Just a little something to describe how my last week has gone. Enjoy. Too far apart to see a smile, But keep in mind the little fact. You may be closer in a while, If I get there before I cracked. Wasted time, the mind wins round one, You drown in your regrets and sins. There is so much that needs undone? The spirit wins, the end begins. Stare into angry virgin meat, This cannot take the pain away. But where the blade and bastard meet, It doesn't matter anyway. Stop it, we can make it okay, What hurts inside my little boy? The greatest source of your dismay You only numb, never destroy. The more I carve the less I crave, The best anesthetic I know. And hide the scars for they deprave Fucking river that dared to flow. I hide alone and never speak, But come to me and I'll show you. What started this desolate streak? My failed attempt at pulling through. So here we stand, alive and well, At least in the mind that we dwell. For now we have to say farewell, I'm off to live a living hell.
Hmm. I think it relies too much on rhyming. Poetry does not have to rhyme. I think the best poetry is written like spoken word. Take Yellow Rage or Arcana for example.
Hmmm... as long as you're rhyming, I suggest you edit these lines, changing them to iambic tetrameter like the rest of the poem: "Wasted time, the mind wins round one," "The best anesthetic I know." "Fucking river that dared to flow." LIIIIIIEEEEEES. Rhyming is the shit. :icon_bigg But seriously, you having some problems, man?
Well, uh, I don't really know what to say except (*hug*) Also, don't cut yourself. It doesn't help you or anyone else. I can't really offer any advice except: be happy with what you have right now and keep faith things will end up better And yeah, I realise how f*ing inadequate that sounds...
Wow, that's deep. I feel your pain, I used to be a cutter. It's really bad for you though, there are other more healthy ways to relieve your stress. I know you probably aren't looking for advice but if you ever want to talk to someone you can relate with, I have nothing better to do. By the way, the poem is really good. I just write lyrics for my cybergrind project, and unless you consider necrophilia deep and emotional my lyrics are shit.
