20 to 14

ok, my geog is dire, so how far apart do u 2 live? i maen if its not commutable, u should actually be ok, u couldnt really meet up a lot, could u?
please be careful with ppl online, sometime theyarent who they say they are, im sure tu know that already. u may hvae fallen in love with the character theis person created.

ok, so if the distance is commutable,and he wants to meet, y not get some1 to go with u, or tell someone where ur going, and all that lot, make sure u have credit on ur phone, and meet in in higly public place.

u say u can talk to him about anything, so talk to him. tell him u like him, but ur tooo young, and its probs illegal to do anything. if he feels the same way, he wouldnt put u in a osition where u have to compromise.

ill say it again: PLEASE take care. hope everything works out for you.
much love
x

 

I know you don't want to hear this, but I think it'd be a bad idea to meet up with him. It's normal for you to be infatuated with him, but there are definitely limits, and I would be really concerned about a 20-year-old who'd pursue anything with a 14-year-old.

 

I hate to tell you this, but firecausesburns is absolutely right. How can you possibly "love" him if you've never met him in person? It's so much easier to fool someone over the internet than in person. My bet is that he is lying about even being 20. I would definitely stop talking to this guy at all.

 

The age difference? Not the issue.

The fact your a minor and hes not? Thats the issue.

Loving someone 6 years apart is not wrong as long as your both consenting adults. In this case it is illegal and not only that many older men prey on young boys via online. They will sound sweet over a text or e-mail, but EVERYTHING they say is a lie they prepared just to make you feel comfortable around them. The whole aim of the game is "make them feel like they can trust me then strike". Its a bad bad bad idea to meet up with him. Honestly, if you were 20 and he was 26 it would be a different story. Your young, innocent, and in love. He knows that, and hes most likely taking advantage of that.

Dont become another statistic, another tally on the list of people taken by online predators. You are better than that! If your feeling lonley, not loved, or whatever it is dont worry. It will get better. Someday you will meet someone that lives near you and is not just trying to use you. It will be real, magical, and much better than texting some creeper.

 

Well, let's assume for the time being that he's not secretly an old man trying to lure you in with a story that's all lies (though it's best not to discount that idea either).

Even then I'd think it's not a good idea to go over there to meet the guy. Six years isn't neccessarily an insurmountable obstacle when you're older, but the younger you are the harder it is. If you look at it percentage-wise, this guy is 33% older than you are. He's most likely in college or already working while you're in highschool, which is almost a different world. There will at this point definitely be a power disparity between the two of you. Which isn't a solid base for any kind of relationship.

Also, it's easy to develop a crush over the internet, but always remember that people are different in real life. For how long have you known this guy? What do you really know about him?

My suggestion would be to be extremely cautious about meeting him. Even if he's not a predator, there are a lot of possible pitfalls here...

 

Please,don't meet him! As the other posters have said,this is a dangerous situation.
Think! He knows you're only 14,yet at 20,he's wanting to meet you. Red Flags!
Don't put yourself in this. If you want to talk online or whatever,just be careful
of giving him too much personal information. But...STAY AWAY!
There are many perverts and stalkers on the computer. Please,stay safe!

 

I really don't think it is a good idea. The best thing that could happened to you in this story is to end with a heartbreak, I prefer not thinking about the worst.
Assuming he is really a 20 years old man and not a children predator, you are to young to be in a relationship with him.
6 years is not an big age gap between a 30 and a 36 years old guy. But between 14 and 20 it is to much. If you are still a minor at 14 it is for a reason.
Please, spare yourself a lot of pain and stop that relationship.
Take care, Eleanor

 

Well, I suggest honesty for telling him. You can just tell him that you really aren't comfortable with meeting just yet, and that you fear the age difference would be a big issue. Perhaps his reaction to that will also tell you what he is or isn't after.

From the rest of your post I really have the feeling that meeting this guy would be the bad thing to do. It's really dangerous to act out of desperation!
You mention that you have friends though! Even if they're not really relationship material, I bet they do like you. And I'm sure your parents and family love you, no? So that's a start.

 

I understand what you are feeling. But you need to understand that this person could just be taking advantage of the way you feel. I agree with all other advice, this relationship should not be continued for your own protection physically and mentally.

You are only 14 and a relationship is something that you may envy when you see other people together. Try to realize that you are still very young and there is plenty of time for that. And when it finally does happen you want it to be the perfect guy that you have saved it for.

I'm sorry that you have had troubles with your friends, but, and i'm sure you have heard before, if they are turning away from you in this time, they may not truly be your friends.
The future holds a lot for you. You may have to wait, but it will be well worth it. In the mean time I would push all of the hangups aside and focus on doing well in school and getting involved with things you like. Along with this you may make many new friends with similar interests. (Keep in mind you dont need to turn your back on your current friends, I'm sure that they really love you)

 

Dont do it, Dont do it, Dont do it, Dont do it, Dont do it, Dont do it, Dont do it, Dont do it, Dont do it, Dont do it, Dont do it, Dont do it, Dont do it, Dont do it, Dont do it, Dont do it, Dont do it, Dont do it, Dont do it, Dont do it, Dont do it, Dont do it, Dont do it,...

Saying no is easy, if he is really genuine he would understand and not try to force you to meet up with him. By no means though is that a sign that he is genuine. Your 14, life seems hard but I promise you it'll get better. It always does.

 

And that's one thing that's working in favour of the guy. Someone who's desperate to be loved is very vulnerable, and someone who's vulnerable will sometimes accept or agree to things they wouldn't otherwise. This guy is not going to give you the love you need. Even if he is who he says he is, just the fact that he'd ask a 14-year-old guy out shows that he isn't someone you can trust.
Is there someone you can talk to, a school counsellor or someone like that? Talking with someone who knows what they're saying is a way better way of working through feelings of loneliness and rejection, and the counsellor might know of youth groups or somewhere out of the school environment where you can meet people.

 

How do you know they lie to you? How do you know they don't really like you?
I can only speak from personal experience, but I felt much the same like you at one point. In a school of over 1000 people, I felt mostly as if I only tagged along with the same group of 5 or 6 people because they, at least, didn't totally hate me. I felt like all of the stuff I did wasn't really appreciated.

But you know what I found out years later? That my friends were totally awesome, and that I wasn't as close to them as I had liked to because I never let them come close. And I regularly meet people from my old school that remember me and even specifically mention having appreciated some of the stuff I did.

In the end I now know it was a mindset issue. I kept believing that it wasn't real friendship at the time, but now I know it was (and still is).
I know I hated people that told me so at the time, though, so I can hardly blame you for not believing me when I tell you now...

 

I would suggest that you take great care, if you do meet up with him, bring a friend. I know that is far from the most romantic thing you could do, but your safety is the most important thing. I personally don't think the age gap is that big of a deal, neither is the fact that you are 14. I have a very close friend who is in a similar age gap relationship (she's 15 and her boyfriend is 22). It doesn't work for everybody, but she is very mature for her age and they are great together.

Take care whatever you do, and meet somewhere neutral, like a shopping centre or something. Don't go to his house at first, and don't invite him to yours just yet either.

 

I know how you feel, I went to a school of about 900 and changed my friendship groups alot, cause I didn't feel appreciated or anything. for the first few years I virtually only hung out with people a couple of years older than me cause I didn't feel that any of my year actually liked me; and it made me depressed and I dont just mean sad. I thought there was a reason people didn't like me and it made me do really stupid things. by your age I'd been suspended twice, was drinking alot more than people of such an age should, I'd smoked cannibis, was self harming and was belimic, so I understand, I really do. I just plead with you not to do anything stupid cause I know I did REALLY stupid things which I laugh at now, but at the time they could have been really dangerous and I've hated myself for it. so please, I beg you to think.
I know you just want to feel loved, but pursuing such a relationship will not make you feel better and I'm speaking from experience when I say that things will get better, just be friendly with those in your classes and such and you'll soon make friends you'll trust and who'll love you.
just be patient and sensible!

 

Just don't do it.

He's 20, he knows you're 14.
He knows it's wrong.
He shouldn't ask to meet up.

It's not normal behaviour for a 20 year old.

 

i was in a simlar situation not long ago and i got in over my head.
just know if he says hes 20 he mite really be in his 40s no matter how much u think u know him. and be careful how much info u give out over all the conversations cuz its easy to answer a question here or there n not realize u just practically gave him ur address and directions.

if u dont want to meet him and just want an online bf tell him that, he should be cool with that and if hes not then theres lots of other guys that would.
i know that sounds too simple n its probly lot more complicated then that. least my situation was / is n most ppl dont get it so if u wanna pm me to talk its cool, i ttly get where ur coming from.
good luck

 

Its illegal (If it became a sexual relationship) and if anyone finds out then not only will he be in trouble but you will probably have social services (Or whatever the US equivalent is) on your back too. Probably not an ideal situation to be in in your first relationship.

Quite a few 14 year olds will be more mature than some 16/17 year olds so it probably feels a bit unfair but that is how it is.