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No understanding or empathy

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by RaeofLite, May 2, 2009.

  1. RaeofLite

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    I would really appreciate any advice or suggestions on this issue...

    How do you deal with homophobia Rather, how would you deal with something such as this:

    I came out to my family (officially) on Easter. Mother has mixed emotions (always has had shifting moods it seems), and places blame or vents her frustration on others, rather than dealing with it constructively. Since I'm gay, it seems that she has a more specific "target" for her frustration.

    After several weeks it looked like she was going to be silent or slowly work through it (she was even reading a book I left out by the computer for her or anyone else to read about LGBT related questions parents might ask).

    But now she's risen up again and says hurtful things, asking if I'm "slutting it up", or "why the hell aren't you normal" to "that's so disgusting" to "you'd be perfect... if you weren't gay".

    She knows I have a girlfriend who I've defended on countless occasions. And even though we're long distance apart, I'm monogamously coupled.

    How would you deal with someting such as this? Should I silently bite my tongue and ignore it, or should I continue to remain assertive? Should I try to seek out counselling or... what should I do/say?
     
  2. give your mom time, its a hard thing to deal with, i know that when i came out one of my parents had major issues and felt so let down. just prove to her that you are the same person you were when you were str8 and that you can be her little girl still. parents tend to place a lot of the blame on themselves when the kids turn out gay, because of the argument on whether we are born that way or if it was learned. alot of people says its learned because they dont want to believe that god makes everyone the way they should be. so give her lots of time and prove to her that you are the same person and that she can love you still and that you love her still.
     
  3. Revan

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    Well....I have a few resources. Here's one for parents:

    http://www.pflagcanada.ca/pdfs/glb-mychild.pdf

    [email protected] and [email protected] are two representatives for the BC area for PFLAG.

    You can also go to www.pflag.ca and use the "Contact Us" tab to find the representative for your specific area. There is no definite guarantee you will find one DIRECTLY in your city, but you might find one nearby who may be able to come to your city and speak with your mother.
     
  4. paco

    paco Guest

    since it is your mother and you dont seem to want a bad relationship-even if she seems to-i wouldnt suggest staying assertive, or biting your tongue. every time she says something really derogatory, try to just think that she doesn't understand and cant bring herself to see what you're going through and look for a way that you can try to help her out of that mindset. and that requires a very clear level head, so try not to let it hurt you too much because in the end, the problem is understanding.

    and i know that sounds really difficult, so i would imagine the counseling suggestion you made would pair very well with the strategy. i'm sorry she doesn't get it, hope she comes around
     
  5. aerwolfen

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    paco-has a good head on his shoulder - he his totally right,don't aggrevate the situation,anymore than you have too,your a woman probally soon moving out or already have,we love you for your patience,you mom will honestly never change,if you were a kid ,perhaps,your a adult now,and it piss's her off that your gay and can never be momma little girl,perhaps in her eyes she has lost you already,and she has nothing left to say but hurtful things,just tell her you love her,and let the rest roll off your back like water on a swan.you are that swan,soon to spread your wings for the rest of the world to admire your beauty,as your girlfriend already does,thats the important thing to keep in your mind,you have more important things to concentrate on,goto it gurl,fly like a angel.