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It's probably just the denial talking.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by refrainrephrase, May 2, 2009.

  1. refrainrephrase

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    Okay, dumb question ahoy:

    Is sexual orientation based solely on physical attraction, or does it also include the willingness/desire to have a relationship with that attractive person?

    I'm like...80% sure I'm bi at this point. I definitely like boys and I guess I like girls, too, because I can never stop checking out both (damn you hormones), and have done so since middle school. I haven't told anyone, and I'm paranoid that someone's noticed. I've had erotic/awkward dreams about both sexes. Argh. Way to be confusing, self.

    Anyway-- my point was that I'm attracted to both. But I don't think I'd ever go for having a relationship with a girl. Does that make me not bi?

    </confused rambling>
     
  2. Mike J

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    Well, if you are somewhat sexually attracted to girls and boys then that suggests that you are bi. Maybe you are more to one side than the other but still attracted to both, or maybe you are indeed bi but just have a preferance for pursuing something more with one gender only.

    I have never had this dilemma as I have never been phsyically attracted to girls, but I personally would advise people in this situation to refrain from labels and to just let it happen naturally, because thats what sexuality is.
     
  3. aerwolfen

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    what great advise,ditto.
     
  4. Filip

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    Like Mike J said, there's no need to really put a label on it. And attraction to either gender is a spectrum, really. So we just name ourselves for either extreme or the middle, even if we are not positioned at the exact ends or middle points.

    So, if you're still attracted to girls physically, that might mean you like calling yourself bi. On the other hand, if you only see yourself having sex inside a relationship (so, with boys), that might count as gay. But the decision to label yourself is up to you. The gay mafia isn't going to come in and trash your house for not chosing the right label :icon_wink
     
  5. refrainrephrase

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    Thank you all for the advice!

    Heh, I do come across as rather frazzled, don't I? I don't even know why I bother so much with labels, it's been a problem for a long time, and I can't seem to shake it. Ridiculous, really.


    Filip: I imagine the gay mafia would redecorate my house P: the horror!
     
  6. Filip

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    I will lead my personal squad of homonazi's in to lead the painting effort! (you'll be so in awe of our uniforms that you won't even know what we did untill we leave again) :lol:

    Labeling can be a help or a curse. In the end you just need to decide on something and stick with it until your tastes change enough that you feel you need to change it. I only like boys romantically and of the people that make me turn my head on the streets, 90% are boys. That means there is the odd occasional girl I stare at, but I decided that's not enough for me to be anything else than gay.

    You could also do the porn test! If you look at porn, what kind of porn do you look at? gay or straight porn? And if straight porn, what do you focus your attention on? That could tell you a lot about what you're really interested in.
     
  7. Lizz K

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    It's definitely both. Most girls feel some sort of physical attraction to other girls. We all check each other out, admit when we find other girls attractive, it's how we do. But what can shift you from "straight" to "gay" is just how strong that attraction is. Just like with any relationship, it can't be based solely on sex, and it can't be all about the personality (unless, obviously, you're asexual). For most of us there needs to be a healthy balance of both.

    Being gay or bi or whatever you are is the same exact thing as being straight. We fall in love just like those heterosexuals do. :slight_smile:
     
  8. refrainrephrase

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    That makes sense. I also noticed that my preference for one or the other tends to fluctuate. /shrug

    What's the difference between being bisexual and asexual?
     
  9. Scentedcandle

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    Bisexual is were you find yourself attracted to both males and females.
    Asexual is were you dont want to have sex but still want a relashionship
     
  10. GhostDog

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    From what I've read, that's a fairly common experience for bisexuals. I've yet to stick a label on my forehead, mind, but I think I've gone through that too. Which is why it can be so friggin' hard figuring out what you are! If you like girls one week but boys the next, what the hell are you supposed to think? So you're not alone there.

    You can make a sort of casual note about who you're attracted to every once in a while. Don't over think it, I can speak from experience that it doesn't help, heh. Over time you'll probably notice a bias one way or the other, and that'll help you figure things out.

    But eh, really, just sit back, relax, and enjoy the view in the meanwhile, hehe.