Hi people, Just another one of my stupid questions, but what on earth is sexual attraction? I mean, I think I get the theory of it, but I don't know if I have actually ever experienced it. So what does it feel like? How do you know when it happens (I guess it's probably easier for guys to tell that girls)? E.g. There is a girl that I like at the moment, and I think about her a bit and hope that I bump into her. I want to look at her when she's around. But I don't feel anything physical that I'm aware of. I think it was her personality more than her appearance that attracted me to her. ...And to follow on from that, if I'm 22 and haven't experienced sexual attraction to anyone, isn't that a bit of an 'I'm doomed' type of realisation? There's no hope for me! Thoughts?
There is such a thing as asexuality - the lack of sexual attraction to anyone - so its not unheard of. When I am attracted to someone I cant stop looking at them, I feel nervous when I talk to them and I have a strong desire to be with them.
Well, do you want to be sexually attracted to people, or do you just feel like you have to be? I'm not saying you are or aren't, but there are folks out there who are asexual, and have happy relationships, without feeling the need to have sex. Here's AVEN's website. May be worth reading and deciding if it's something that fits you at all. They have a FAQ. As to what it is in the first place, it's hard to describe, and I can only really speak for myself. Like you describe, just wanting to look at someone, I'd classify as physical attraction. Sometimes I'll spot someone and it's like my eyes are glued to 'em, and I just find them so pleasing to look at. Also, sometimes that somebody inspires, shall we say, an overactive imagination? I'll see someone cute, and end up imagining what it's like to hold them, kiss them, uh, do... other things to them, hehe. That's generally about when I start stuttering when I speak to them, whoops. >.> And for girls, we may not get as visual an indicator as the boys, but you can still tell by what's going on down-river. Increased blood flow (feeling tingly and warm, in my experience), feeling moist, so on. Heart rate can speed up generally too! There is definitely a physical sense of excitement all-over, but it depends on how aroused you feel, I guess. Nipples may be an indicator too, but I swear mine just do whatever the hell they want to, so I think it depends on the person. And even if you decide you aren't sexually attracted to anyone, that doesn't mean you're doomed! Sexual relationships are only part of an actual relationship, and if you find out it's something you never wanted in the first place, you may actually be happier in a relationship without it! But nobody can tell you what you are. Best of luck figuring it out!
Thanks for the replies. I have looked at AVEN before. I initially thought I was asexual but I really don't want to be! I think sexual relationships just sound scary to me, but maybe I would like one if I got comfy enough. But anyway, I did go red and forget what I was saying when I spoke to that girl, so maybe that was attraction... it's just that I don't look at her and think "she's attractive". She's actually pretty ordinary looking. So me, I dunno. Anyway I'm rambling now. Thanks again
you do have to understand and become comfortable with your sexuality and yourself first. if you are looking for love you need to look at the person not the sex ignore attraction based on sexuality just see everyone the same and just personality. if you love and fancy the person sex becomes unimportant. attraction itself though is just a weird thing walking along see someone makes your eyes go wide heart bat fast cant breath feel happy. i dont know if your asexual or what but i think u do need to sit down and think who makes you happy when you look at people male or female could you see yourself hugging holding kissing? when u see them what do u feel.... if you smile its a good sign take care
@justadam quote: attraction itself though is just a weird thing walking along see someone makes your eyes go wide heart bat fast cant breath feel happy. unquote Sounds like someones feromones giving you a dopamine shot! Good chemistry. I know I know I'm not the most romantic person on earth, I'm more of a science geek.
Interesting description! I love how specific you got there. The only one of those I've had is my heart rate speeding up in sexual situations, but that can be a lot of different emotions. In my case, it's fear - I have had flashbacks of abuse in reaction to sexual stimuli.
