Alright. I'm getting to the point where the assumptions my parents make about me are getting kind of irritating. They're well-meant, I know, nudging me to get out more often and saying things like, "You know, school doesn't have to be your only priority. We promise not to show your boyfriends too many embarrassing baby photos!" And in response to some comment I made ("Wait, is his name really '#######' or am I seeing things?"), Dad said, "Ha, what, you been boy-watching today or something?" and I frowned and grumbled, "No." Little things like that. Innocuous, really, but they come up often enough to be annoying. And I end up acting totally rude! I'm always really short with people when they talk to me like that. My relatives talk to me about finding a "good man" some day and I end up drifting off in the conversation, looking away, trying to change the subject, getting defensive... I kind of wonder if I'd end up coming across as less of a bitch if I just told them that unless David Tennant shows up on my doorstep, giftwrapped, I doubt there are going to be boyfriends in my future. But my sole dating experience was with a guy, and it was short-lived and awkward. I've never dated another lady! And I really really like having, uh, empirical evidence? I'm pretty sure by now, I think, and judging by some of the conversations I've had with my counselor ("Well, you've talked about experimenting with women. How would you feel about heterosexual experimentation?" "... Ech.") I've given up thinking I'm gonna wake up one day and go "FALSE ALARM, GUYS! I'M TOTALLY HETERO." Still, it's nice having something to point to, just for my own sense of self. But I'm wondering if I should suck it up, tell my parents now, and save the potential future ladyfriend from dealing with me dealing with whatever dramarama / backlash results from telling my family (not that I truthfully expect there to be much, beyond maybe "No you're not! How do you know? I don't believe you."). I dunno, being a closet case is stressful enough, I am under the impression dating one would be somewhat stressful as well. I really dunno! Does it even matter? Thoughts? :/
:roflmao: ...but yea, id say take your parents out of the picture for a second and just think of this: What do YOU want to do? ....dont think of what your parents want, parents will say, parents will do, ect. Just focus on what you want for yourself right now at this moment THEN bring your parents back into the picture and try and fit them in somehow that what YOU want stays in focus.
It's better to do it before you date. If you do it when you are dating, they might think your girlfriend is the reason you are gay, and that makes the situation worse. Don't worry about not having 'proof', just tell them you are very sure.
Yes I would agree if the situation is good and your parents should be okay with it, It would be best to tell them before dating. Like pearl said, if they dont take it that well they could take it out on whoever you are dating. Plus I'm sure they would rather hear it from you than someone else.
I agree that if you think your parents will be okay with it, tell them before you date especially if you live close to them. If you live away from them, you could probably date first and get away with not telling them but you're still going to have to put up with the questions and comments.
I think I would try to tell them first too. I mean, it all depends on how you think they would react. It would probably much easier on them if the didn't have to deal with your sexuality and your girl friend all at once. If you spread the two out a bit and give them a chance to settle down in the middle it might go smoother.i would go for it as long as you feel that you are ready. Good luck!
First I agree with the David Tennant thing for me lol. I tend to seem a little rude when family talks about me finding a guy that's the sucky part of not being out to everyone. I think it's good for a relationship to be out but you need to do that when your ready. If you know your family will be fine with it and your ready I say go for it.
That... I had not considered. I definitely wouldn't want them to blame it on who I was dating! D: And I guess it would really be better in the long run to tell them soon so they can get used to it, and not just show up later saying, "Uh, mom, dad? This is Amanda..." Wellp, assuming my dad has meant all these years what he's said about wanting kids, not robots, and we're free to live the lives we want to lead so long as we're happy (and won't look back when we're 50 and go "aw shit"), I don't foresee them feeling like they have to "save me" or anything. From what I can tell, they at least don't see it as a choice, even if they don't see it as a good thing (mom calls it "an oppression"? Eh.). Aaaand they found Ahmadinejad's "there are no gays in Iran" attitude pretty laughable, and were pretty disgusted by Virginia Foxx's recent comments. So, hey. Could be a lot worse. ... Hell, I've got it pretty good, come to think of it. I don't see why I'm dragging my feet! I think from this point, I just need to get up the moxie to stand up for myself when I tell 'em. At least I've had years' practice of being ballsy and stubborn. Thanks for the kind words, all. <3
>>>if I just told them that unless David Tennant shows up on my doorstep, giftwrapped, I doubt there are going to be boyfriends in my future Then I'd get on your case for stealing my mail. If your parents would be cool with it, I really think it'd be best to tell them. Coming out isn't some sort of announcement of purpose or anything (unless you want it to be). It's just something to get beyond. So you don't have to deal with the lying and avoiding and ducking. So you can just say "Yeah I'm gay (or bi)" and move on to worrying about more important things. Lex
I would definitely tell them first.From what you say it doesn't sound like they would blame you being gay on your girlfriend,but if I was you I would not want to risk it.Like the others have said,I think telling them first is a good idea.
Haha, most of my forum lurking time is spent on a forum where you can rate posts up or down. When I saw this post I was frantically looking for the rate up button . I agree. Although parents are a huge part of your life, you have to do it for you, and then bring them into it.
I think it's better if you come out beforehand. Even if your parents are accepting, it's a lot coming at once to find out both their child is homosexual AND in a relationship. It will give them time to internalize it. Then if you come to them with a girlfriend, you know how they will take it. Plus you don't have to go around hiding any relationships. If they aren't accepting then you know before hand AND they might change after time. If you just come out, with a lady friend, they may well go ape shit insane. This way you can determine their reaction, and keep such things completely hidden if need be. After I came out to my parents, my mom's first question was if I had a "special friend". Given that she called it "special friend" tells me she needs a bit of time to process it first before I show up with a BOYfriend.
