what to do?

it sounds like you love him but things just arent working it sounds like your into the relationship and he isnt. if there isnt trust there can be no relationship. you ow it to yourself o be with someone you can love and trust and who loves you. if he wants to talk to gay guys fine but theres no need to hide it. u need to be happy his selfishness has no right to make you cry but you do need to talk to him how u feel.

look after yourself

 

I'm not the best at giving advice, but wouldn't be time for the two of you to have a long talk about trust and honesty? Your boyfriend seems to have issues with that.

Him hiding things from you "really isn't nice" in my opinion. No matter how nice he can be, that is not cool and you may deserve better than someone hiding secrets.

But like I said, talk with him and if he doesn't want to tell the truth, if he doesn't want to act like a grown-up person, then, as hard as it may be, break up with him and let him go. You don't deserve that.

(*hug*)

 

My therapist explained that the best way to communicate was to make it about how you feel. You're telling your boyfriend how you feel about what he has done. How you feel about him having these accounts. How you feel about him deleting stuff from them. How you feel about him needing these accounts...

It isn't about judging him. It isn't about him explaining his actions - although he might. It's not about making ultimatums, because that might put him on the defensive too.

Perhaps he'll then explain how HE felt when he set those accounts up. Perhaps he felt 'lonely' because you work odd shifts. I don't know. Feelings ARE a pain in the rear, but they also are the driving force behind almost everything we do. So it's best to talk about them rather than ignore them. Good luck.

 

Good luck! I know the feeling; it's very hard to let go, wether it's letting go of the entire relationship or just letting go of feelings of mistrust or doubt.

You said "a big part of me wants to let go". That's the key right there. You need to do some soulsearching and figure out just "how big" that part of you is. Don't let your fear of change or of losing someone override your instinct if your instinct (heart) is telling you different. Either way, I wish you the best!

 

I personnaly don't think things are that bad. You have issues with your boyfriend, but who doesn't have ? I think what you need most is to communicate and I completly approve what Jim said. Make it about how you feel and try not to blame him. Also try to avoid anger. Having a fight won't help and there is lots of things that are said in anger that are deeply regretted afterwards.
I also understand why you feel worried about his accounts, but I deeply believe that everybody had the right to keep things for himself, even in a relationship. Maybe the reason why he deleted stuff from it was because he was talking about you and maybe in not very flattering way. You said yourself you didn't have been beyond reproch in your relationship either.
In any case, as long as he was not cheating on you, your boyfriend has the right to have some secrets, and so do you. Maybe having these accounts was not his best move, but being in a relationship is also about beign able to forgive your partner sometimes, because nobody is perfect.
Take care, Eleanor

 

I wish you all the best, Eleanor