Tired of people trying to give me hope...

Aint happening. Stop dreaming. Go get another girlfriend.

 

I guess it's harder for those people to imagine what it's like to realize your sexuality isn't on default settings? I know I've done a hell of a lot of soul-searching throughout this whole process, and it doesn't seem to be something that most straight folks end up going through. So if you don't think about it, I suppose it could be easy to assume a bunch of things about being gay/bi/whatever that just... aren't true.

There was a long stretch of time there when I was convinced I was going to wake up straight one day, and then I wouldn't have to deal with any of this. Yeah, that, uh, failed magnificently for several years before I just accepted it. Hard to tell people that someone could "get over it" when you've gone through that and know there is no such thing as getting over it. If someone hasn't, or at least hasn't done any kind of research on it? Well, they're not gonna have any idea what they're talking about. :/

 

I'm a lesbian I had a bf and I'm not going back. She's a lesbian she is not going to go back to guys. As hard as it is you need to move on.

 

Just shrug it off and say "Even if she does come back to my team, that doesn't mean she'll hook up with me again." Then change the subject.

Lex

 

I think that "go get another girlfriend" isn't the soliution since I feel UCLA77 *knows* she's a lesbian. What I gotta say is go get new friends, or educate them in that subject. =)

 

Hey UCLA (go Bruins! :icon_bigg) - yeah well I know that must be frustrating. But just realize that between dealing with your ex and the threads you've created here at EC, you know (not exaggerating) 1000 times more about homosexuality than the average straight person. Just be confident in what you learned, and continue to move on as you've been trying to do.

 

Ok, so yeah, go date some girls =D

And everytime someone says that, just blew them off. You're not really deserving to hate hurtful comments and it's so cool a straight guy is so cool with LGBT people.

Normally, they punch me in the face.

 

I assure you, she's probably feeling the same kind of shock. "Holy crap, I'm a lesbian. I've been with guys, but... I'm a lesbian." Hell, I've known I'm some flavor of queer for years, and it still will feel like I'm in a very strange dream sometimes. It is a lot to process! Especially when it happens to you. But things just get weird when you find out you, or someone you loved, weren't who you thought all along. Not much way around that, sadly.

I'm personally impressed the way you seem to be dealing. It's a shock, but you don't seem angry or resentful, or convinced she's lying or is going to change. I've known a few guys who took it personally when their girlfriends (or girls they were just interested in, even) came out as lesbians. ("Did I turn her gay? Does she just not want to date me? Me me. Me me, me me me?") You seem to be better than that, so kudos for you.

And I hope you get to feeling better soon. It'll all sink in eventually, sucking in the meanwhile (because when do breakups not suck?), and you'll be able to move on. You seem like a pretty decent guy, I hope things start looking up for you.

 

You have about as much hope of getting her back as...

I have a hope of shitting diamonds out my ass

...hope that clears things up?

 

Maybe you should try focusing on the fact that she broke up with you, and just deal with that, ignoring the reason. Only because you're having trouble getting over it, and it will probably take time because as you've already said you had planned your future around being with her.

Her reason is more unusual than most, but the result is the same as any other breakup and it's something you have to deal with. Anyone who tries giving you some false sense of hope she'll 'come around' and be straight again obviously doesn't know anyone who's gay, or if they do it's someone who's bisexual in one way or another. You can tell these people, "you obviously don't know what being gay is..." We aren't some traumatized individuals who were rejected by the opposite sex a million times so we gave up and tried the same sex, nor are we molested and now fear the opposite sex, or anything like that... I feel like some people need this beat into their brain, lol.

Anyways you're going through a grieving period, and it sucks and I'm sorry this happened to you. But take solace that she is a lesbian, because I know the thought of her being with another man makes you sick... because for some reason we tend to get more jealous of the same sex. Take some time to grieve and get out and do things on your own. Who knows, maybe eventually a new girl you find attractive and intriguing will fall into your lap, even if that seems impossible. Just give it some time.

 

These friends weren't any more tactless as someone who would say about a regular break-up "Don't worry, she'll come back to her senses and come back to you." Instead, they should simply say "I'm sorry to hear about what happened between you and 'x'. Let me know if you want to talk about it. Why don't we grab a coffee some time to catch up."

As mentioned above, it really doesn't matter why she broke it off. The reality is that she did. And you're no longer dating. And never will again. Period.

Accept the things you can not change, and find the courage to change the things you can. You can't control whether or not she really is a lesbian. You can't control whether or not she ends up dating someone else - guy or girl. You can ONLY control your reaction to that. You can fall to pieces with that news, or you can take it in stride because you've accepted your situation and moved on with your life.

I'm sure you probably are in denial. It's a natural stage of grieving. Talking about it likely helps. But be sure that you're keeping it real, and staying in the present. Good luck.

 

I'd just like to say that I think you did a very responsible and mature thing by signing up to EC when you found out she was gay (I assume that's why you joined?). A lot of people would never have done that.

I am sorry for you that this happened, from your posts you seemed to really love her, and it seems that she does love you too.

good luck. I like you.

 

>>>Now why on earth would I want to imagine her being straight again only to go out with some other guy? That's the LAST thing I'd want to have happen!

That wasn't meant to make you feel better. That was meant to get your friends to stop talking about her revoking her membership in the homo club.

Lex